There is Darkness inside All of Us
by littlemisschatterbox13
Summary: "Hello Dean." "Amara." He acknowledged her. But was still trying to resist that feeling of comfort and bliss. Dean will do anything to get Sam out of the cage and far away from Lucifer. Even giving in to the darkness that lurks within him. And Amara is all too pleased about it. AU for 11x10 TRAILER ON MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL /channel/UCqG6Kdnziu0oBT6aJB0DsAA
1. Chapter 1

**I've had this story planned out in my head ever since I saw 'O Brother Where Art Thou'. But I just needed to get it all mapped out in my head. I think I have it. I wanted to get it out there before the episode airs Wednesday. Please don't bully me too badly, this is my first Supernatural fanfic. I only joined at the end of October. And I have to say this fandom is awesome. I mean, I get to go to my first convention in May. I was ecstatic when I found out that they have Supernatural conventions and they go out to England! Anyway, don't react too badly. If you like, follow or favourite but I really like reviews... hint hint.**

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Dean entered the bunker. Still in his suit. Still has that feeling of Amara with him. He had tried calling Sam but he didn't answer. So when he came home, he came in barging and yelling his brother's name.

"SAM!" He heard the name echo through the halls. He checked the library. He checked Room 7B. Memories as a demon dripped into his mind whenever he goes near that room. But the 'dungeon' where - last time he checked - Rowena was supposed to be contained, looking for a way to The Cage... _The Cage... Sammy wouldn't try that without me..._ Dean lied to himself. But he knew that it wouldn't help him feel any better about it. _Of course, Sammy would do exactly that..._

"Where is Sam you son of a bitch?!" Dean yelled into his phone. He was now in his normal clothes and ready for anything.

"Squirrel. Nice to hear from you. Where were you today, we all missed you?"

"None of your damn business. Where's my brother?"

"Ah yes. There's been a bit of a hiccup." Crowley admitted.

"Crowley." Dean practically snarled.

"Your brother's in hell... with Lucifer."

"You son of a bitch."

"Miss you too, pudding."

Dean shook his head. Crowley thought that this was a good idea to be joking around. Dean didn't care and carried on. Sammy was more important than this douche-bag. "How?"

"My witch of a mother said the spell would keep him in there. She lacked to mention that Sam could be taken in there."

"Sam's in The Cage?!"

"Not The Cage. A cage. A temporary cage made to communicate with our little devil."

"So Rowena planned this?"

Crowley chuckled. "Well she does have a thing for bad boys." Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed deeply. He needed to stay calm, in order to keep his head clear enough to save Sam. "And it sounded like when the Darkness was released, it impacted on The Cage and left enough of a crack for Lucifer to... power up, so to speak."

"Great. Anything else."

"Yes. I think I heard when Lucy put your brother in the cage that he was the one who had been sending your brother visions. Not God." That's exactly what Dean was afraid of. It was all a trick so that Lucifer could use Sam as a condom... again.

"I need to go to Hell."

"Doesn't everyone?" Crowley joked. "I need to stay down here. Keep an eye on the devil, little bro and the wicked bitch of the west."

"How am I supposed to get down there then?"

"I'm sure you'll figure it out yourself, darling. Cheerio." He said as he hung up.

"CROWLEY?" He yelled in anger and threw the phone across the room.

Sam was in hell. In the cage. Not The Cage but a cage. With Lucifer. _Great._ Dean thought. A million thoughts rushed through his mind all at once as to how he could get to his brother. None of which were particularly good. His first instinct was to call Cas and tell him everything. They had left him out of the loop because they knew what he would say about it.

"How could you be so stupid?" Cas asked as soon as Dean rang.

"I haven't even told you what happened."

"You don't need to, I know."

"You know Sam's in hell? How?"

"SAM'S IN HELL? How?"

"What did you think I was calling about?"

"Your meeting with the Darkness. An Angel in Heaven, whom is one of the few who does not want to kill me, told me that you were seen with her before they smote her."

"Is she still around?"

"Presumably yes. She survived the smiting and moved on. Many Angels in Heaven are even considering taking her side in this fight after she spoke with them. Now tell me, why is Sam in hell?"

"He went to go have a little chat... with the devil... now he's stuck in a cage... with the devil."

"Why does nothing ever surprise me anymore with you two?" Cas' voice clearly sounded agitated. "Why did you feel the need to go speak with Lucifer in The cage?"

"It's not The Cage. It's a cage. That could keep him from getting out but so that Sam could speak with him." He heard Cas exhale in frustration. "Look, I didn't want this to happen either. I told him that these 'visions from God' might not be legit. And looks like I was right."

"Why? Who were they actually from?" Cas remembered Sam mentioning these visions previously. Cas had ignored them and said something about God being a deadbeat dad who gave up on humanity eons ago.

"Lucifer." He heard Cas sigh again. "Apparently something happened to The Cage when the Darkness rose and he was able to reach out to Sam."

"This is not good Dean."

"I know."

"Not good at all."

"Yeah, I know Cas. Thanks. My brother's in hell, trapped with the one angel who could rip him apart mentally and physically. I know how bad it is Cas. And I wish I had been there to stop him but-"

"You were distracted by Amara."

It was Dean's turn to sigh. "Yeah."

"What did she say?"

"She wants what she deserves. And she deserves everything. She's searching for God, apparently just to talk. And…"

"And what, Dean?"

"Nothing. It's nothing."

"Dean. I know when you're hiding something. What?"

"We told you that she's been stealing souls. She says they're now a part of her. That they will live forever. Then she tried to take mine." Dean tried to make it sound as casual as possible. But of course there is nothing casual about an infinitely old Darkness trying to steal your soul.

"What happened? Is that when the Angels chose the time to smite?"

"No. No. The Angels came a little later. She just decided not to. Cas, are we sure that she's the bad guy?"

"Don't tell me you're listening to her as well?" Cas sounded displeased entirely.

"She has saved me. On multiple occasions now." Dean admitted.

"She probably feels indebted to you. Nothing else." Cas replied.

"No. No, it's more than that. It's... We're..."

"Bonded." Dean heard from behind him.

"Cas. Get to the bunker. We'll talk more later."

"Okay, but Dea-" It was at that point that Dean cut Cas off and put the phone back in his pocket. He had that feeling again. He was peaceful but Amara was right, he tries to resist it as much as possible. But it's futile. He slowly turned around to see Amara. Just as she was only hours earlier. She smiled mysteriously.

"Hello Dean."

"Amara." He acknowledged her. But was still trying to resist that feeling of comfort and bliss. Just as he tried to resist the mark's effects but he knew he failed at that also.

"So this is your home. I like it." Amara sat down on one of the seats at the library table. "The Men of Letters."

"How did you get past the warding?"

"We both know that the warding can't keep me out."

"Why are you here?" Dean asked. "My soul?"

"No. You called for me. You may not have realised it, but you asked me for help. And I promised that I will always help you." She saw Dean's expression. She knew that the bliss she feels with him was not with him fully. That his emotions were dominating. That something was wrong. She looked up at him and asked with genuine concern. "What's wrong?"

"My brother's in hell with God's son. Lucifer."

"I remember him. Why is Lucifer in hell?" She asked.

Dean sat down in the chair next to hers. "He disobeyed God. He refused to bow down to his creation. So God had Michael cast him into The Cage in hell. And my brother, who spent over a year with him in The Cage, is back with him. And I need to get there and help him."

"And deep down. You knew I could help."

"I guess."

"No, Dean. You know. You called me. And I heard."

"Will you help me?"

She sighed and grabbed Dean's hands. He stared deeply into her wisdom-filled eyes and saw everything. The world, the universe, the prison in which God locked her in, her first sight on his creation, their first meeting, collecting souls, everything. Everything seemed so clear through her eyes. "I can help you Dean. In more ways than one. You may not like the idea of it but it will do more good than harm."

"Will it help save Sammy?"

"Yes."

"Then what is it?"

"The bond that we share is strong. Let me make it stronger. Permanent. Then it will allow you to go to the cage and pull your brother out with no harm to yourself or him."

"What part of it am I not going to like then."

"Our bond has been made through the mark. You bore the mark and I am the mark. If you were to bear the mark again..."

"I have to get the mark back in order for this to happen?" Dean stood up and backed away from where she still sat.

"Yes. I know of the pain it caused you." She stood up and followed him. He acted wary but let her come near. "But it will not have the same effect. The way you feel in my presence, it will be like that. But... more." She smiled and laid her hand on his cheek. Stroking his stubble, caressing it in a way that reminded Dean of how his mother did the same before bed. "I wouldn't ask this of you. If I believed it would hurt you. I would never hurt you."

"I know." Dean grinned slightly.

"Is that a yes?" She asked raising her eyebrows, grinning as well.

"Yes." Dean replied.

She took his arm gently, stroking it with her fingers. He felt something move across his arm, from his fingertips to his forearm. But the sensation it created spread even further. He felt the roots in his arm but it grew until it reached his mind and through his own eyes he could see what he saw in Amara's. Everything. He understood everything. Every single thing in this universe and beyond that, he could not only understand but he could feel it. Like everything was alive. She let go of his arm as Dean pulled his shirt and jacket sleeves. He saw the mark but Amara was right. He had no violent urges or murderous thoughts. Only peace and knowledge and power were in his thoughts. Before he felt the mark was a brand, a punishment, a reminder that he was cursed. But now, if anything, he thought it was blessed and it wasn't a brand anymore, it was just skin. It was just a mark. Amara saw this look of wonder on Dean's face and smiled.

She cupped his face with both hands. And for the first time, he wrapped his arms around her. They leaned their foreheads against each other's. "We are one now Dean... Forever..."

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 **Leaving it there but I hope to upload again before the episode. I hope you enjoyed it. If so, show your appreciation by using the follow, favourite and review buttons.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Little later than planned. But hey, I updated! AND SUPERNATURAL IS ON TONIGHT! Whoever gets to see it before me, I would like to say I hate you all. Sometimes I don't like living in the UK and other times, boy am I glad for the internet. And please tell me, did anybody else die inside when the new season 11 trailer came out? I've watched too many times to be considered 'healthy behaviour' and every time I regret it... I mean what happens to Cas and Lucifer and... **** that and **** everything... I swear Supernatural is going to be the death of me. I'd say I'd die of the feels but I know they died with Harry Potter... Keep Grinding...**

 **I guess I'll just let you read on. Review, follow and favourite please. Please...**

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 _They leaned their foreheads against each other's. "We are one now Dean... Forever..."_

Dean had never felt more powerful, more peaceful, more alive than how he felt right there and then. He held onto Amara tightly, reeling in the bliss that the bond brought them. He suddenly felt everything that she has ever been. He felt the love for her brother, the betrayal when he locked her away, the emptiness, the nothing she felt while locked up, that breath of freedom when Dean released her, her amazement at her brother's creation, the hatred and mistrust of God and the intense intimacy of bond that Dean and Amara share.

He heard her. She did not move her lips, he knew that, he was staring at her face deeply. In his mind, Dean heard ' _Go. Save your brother_.' Before the bond was strengthened, he would've freaked out at the voices in his head. But now, he found it calming. He kissed her forehead as Amara disappeared.

The way Dean felt, he could have communicated with Castiel through any means possible to him, but even he knew that he needed to break the news about his and Amara's bond to Sammy and Cas gently. And best once Sam was safely out of Lucifer's hands. He called Castiel back, Cas explained that he was about an hour's drive away from the bunker. Dean lied and said he was driving to him. Dean told Cas to meet in a town halfway where they could talk more.

Dean knew that the drive would take to long and the power he felt surge within him made Dean curious of what he could now do. He closed his eyes and pictured him and the car in the town in which he told Cas to meet him. He opened his eyes to find himself in an empty car park. He knew he was going to have to wait another half hour until Cas showed up but that gave him time as to how he would get him and Cas into hell and him, Cas and Sam out of hell intact and without giving away that he is now different.

He soon came up with a plan that semi-foolproof but then again it's not like he's dealing with idiots. He'll be dealing with an Angel and his brother who know him better than anyone, the King of Hell who could maybe tell that there's something different with him, a nosy power-hungry witch and Satan. And he felt for sure that Satan would be able to notice the difference in power.

Cas parked right next to him and had a look of confusion on his face.

"How did you get here before me? I thought I was closer?"

"Yeah but, my baby's faster." Dean smiled patting the hood.

"So what are we doing here?"

Dean continued to spin his new web of lies. "I spoke to Crowley. He said there was a portal to Hell in this town. And that we could ride it to the other side and meet him there. Then we'll have to plan the next step."

"Did he say where this portal is?" Cas questioned.

"No. It's not his. But it will open up when we get close."

"Why?"

"Because it's sensitive to demons, angels and apparently," Dean gestured to himself, "ex demons."

"Very well then. Let's start looking."

"Shall we split up?" Dean suggested. "Call if you find something."

They then parted. Dean went left and Cas went right. Dean's direction went towards the nearest bar and shops. Cas was heading towards the streets and back alleys before nearing the houses.

Dean stopped walking when he reached the corner of the bar, when he knew Cas wasn't looking. He closed his eyes and felt the knowledge and the power surge through him again. He knew he would never be able to grow tired of this sensational feeling. It made him question why he hadn't agreed to letting Amara bond them earlier. Then he thought of Sammy and how he had been moments away from killing him. All because he didn't want to unleash The Darkness upon the world. But there was nothing terrifying or oppressive about her. Nothing evil. Death had been wrong. He must have been tricked into believing so by God's lies. Dean was glad for a moment that he had killed Death. Even if there would be repercussions later, and that was something he was sure of.

He opened his eyes when he pictured the portal coming out where Cas stood and immediately his cellphone rang.

"Dean, I found it." He let Cas tell him where it is despite already knowing. He even knew exactly where in Hell it would drop them off, how far from the cage it would be, how close to Crowley they would land and how long it will take it them to get down there. Dean knew everything and he revelled in it.

"Well. Never thought I'd willingly go back down to hell." Dean said staring at the fiery portal. "But hey, seems right going there with you." He said patting Cas' back.

Cas frowned. "Why? Because I can protect you from your worse nightmares?"

"No." Dean replied taken aback. He shook his head and grinned slightly. "It's the place we first met."

"I know. I remember raising you. It was a struggle."

"I didn't want to leave. I was nearly demonised I know."

"You remember?" Cas asked worried about Dean's mind state if he remembered so much about all the evil that has happened to him.

"Yeah. I remember everything now." Dean nodded. "It's all crystal clear."

"For how long?"

"It feels like a long time." All his memories, even the times in heaven and hell that had been repressed had come back when the bond was strengthened. Dean remembered everything.

"Was it because of the mark?" Cas questioned. Delicately stepping around what he presumed to be Dean's fragile mind-state. Well, his brother was in Hell. With Lucifer. They are still no closer to beating the Darkness. He is still getting over the effects of the Mark. He seemed to be keeping something to himself. It seemed like everything was piling on top of him. Sam and him worried how long it would take if he broke underneath it all.

"Probably." Dean sighed and stared back at the portal to Hell. "Enough of the sharing and caring. Let's do this."

He planned to step through gingerly but he was pulled in the moment he stepped close to it. He felt Cas not far behind him. They managed to land on both feet before taking in the surroundings of where they were. Dean recognised this part of Hell. They were not that far from where he stayed for the first few decades. Until he began to torture. In which there was a special place in hell where that had taken place. It has not been touched since. Castiel looked around and remembered the struggle and the fight that ensued whilst trying to raise Dean. It had taken years and years. And they were still too late. In hindsight and now knowing the Angels' plans to allow the Apocalypse to take place, he could see how the fight had been delayed. The Angels that fought often rested and waited too long. They missed opportunities to get Dean out early but he had not yet spilled blood in Hell. He couldn't be Michael's vessel until then. Cas would never tell Dean this, but he often pondered about Dean being 'the Righteous Man' and has always admired Dean's stubbornness against letting fate be. Dean was the one who taught him about free will and now Cas preaches it to other Angels. He used to miss the neatness before the Apocalypse. He was content being so self-assured but now he was proud of the man he had become. He just hoped that his brothers and sisters could one day see that. And if he were ever to cross paths with his father, he prayed he would be proud of him also.

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 **I might just leave it there... don't hate me. Click on the next chapter and then you can hate me. REVIEW, FOLLOW AND FAVOURITE PLEASE!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Back again. Just wanted them in separate chapters that's all. Okay carry on... my wayward fangirls and fanboys. Quick shoutout to those who have followed and or favourited this story. It means so much. And special shout out to Ironwidowdinozzo - love your name! - and Alicat5201. As well as Hunterhacker, your comment I loved because you immediately got it! She is an amazing character and even Jensen Ackles wonders whether she's a villain or not...**

 **Don't forget to review, follow and favourite!**

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 _He was content being so self-assured but now he was proud of the man he had become. He just hoped that his brothers and sisters could one day see that. And if he were ever to cross paths with his father, he prayed he would be proud of him also._

They continued to walk until they reached Crowley's throne room. It was near limbo, Dean tried to listen out for Sammy but couldn't. He was worried about the state he was in, even if he could feel that Sam was still alive.

"Squirrel! Wings! Welcome back. Would you like the tour, some tea, crumpets?"

"Can it Crowley."

"Straight to business then. Fair enough. But don't yell at me. This was your brother's plan. And my mother was the one who orchestrated it." Crowley retorted. He moved aside and gestured to who was behind him. "If you need your pound of flesh. Or target practice even. I have a brilliant dummy to test on." He was gesturing to his mother, Rowena, who was now back in chains.

"Hello darlings. Dean, how are you? Sam was so worried when you didn't answer. Thought something was wrong." Rowena smiled. "Is anything the matter dear...? You know, beside your brother sharing a room with the prince of darkness." That word darkness, made something inside Dean flinch. Like it was too low to compare Amara to Lucifer. But he kept that inside of him. He walked up to Rowena, a mask hiding his true emotions showed one of anger and the need to kill something instead. "My, oh my. Something's snapped hasn't it?" She began to chuckle but it was cut off when Dean went for her throat. He couldn't help it, he still had human emotions and he was still so overprotective of Sammy.

Despite everyone in the room wanting her dead, Cas pulled Dean off of her. Dean let no one know what he was listening to.

 _Dean, are you okay?_

 _I'm fine._

 _I felt your anger, your pain... relax... there's no more need for pain or loss or heartbreak._

 _I know. Thank you. I am calm now._

 _Good. Is everything working well?_

 _Yes. It still amazes me. Your knowledge, your power. The infinity of all of it astounds me._

 _I know the feeling. In fact, your feelings and your memories. They are what I have been thinking of since. Many are full of pain, but the joy, the love, laughter... I have never felt anything so pure. They are truly wonderful. I have even been picking some of my favourite memories of yours. Would you like to hear some?_

 _Yes._

 _I love the fireworks on the 4th July 1996. You were only seventeen, Sam was thirteen. The smiles you both had were gorgeous. All those times in the car, in Baby, all those songs. Your mother was beautiful and she would be so lucky to have known you. The moment when you struggled to say something to your brother, when you were dying and you managed to get out those few words. 'I'm proud of us'; you were pleased when you thought you'd see him smile one last time. And all those moments in between hunts, when you were just with your brother, Bobby, Castiel, Charlie, Kevin, Ellen, Jo._

 _Thank you._

 _You have lived a life. Not many have been as fortunate as you to have loved and to have been loved so deeply. I am sorry though, for all that pain that has been drawn on you. You did not deserve this._

 _Thank you. I'm sorry but_ _I must go. I must continue. I need to know._

 _I know. Thank you._ And with that her voice was gone and Castiel had just pulled him two metres away from Rowena. He was glad that he had control over these powers and even more so that he had the sense to cover up the mark on his arm.

"Dean, calm down." Cas said.

Dean replies, shrugging Cas off. "I am."

"What are we going to do then?" Crowley asked, hoping to kick off the brain storm.

"I have a plan." Dean stated clearly.

"Sure, you do." Rowena snickered, rubbing at her neck still. "Because you're the mastermind here. I'm sure you know everything."

Inside, Dean smirked. But he kept his composure. "I know enough. And I do have a plan."

"As long as it doesn't involve the devil getting out. I'm all ears." Crowley smiled.

"Dean." Cas warned him. He pulled him to the side. "What are you doing?"

"Just trust me on this. I know what I'm doing." Dean whispered.

"I know that. But Dean, how are you planning on getting in and out of the cage without Lucifer getting out?"

"I have my methods." He saw that Cas was about to object. But he beat him to it. "Just go with me on this. Please."

"I... I don't-"

"Castiel, please." The tone of Dean's voice and the use of his full name left Cas shocked. He didn't know what to say in response. He simply nodded and they walked back to the others.

"What's the plan then fellas?"

"Take me to where my brother is." Was all he said.

"And?"

"And I'll handle the rest."

"Solid plan, you've got there."

Dean scoffed. But gestured to Crowley to lead the way, even though he knew himself. They all walked together. Rowena was slightly behind considering the chains but that didn't stop her from yammering on. "So, I heard that you spent some time down here, Dean." She was purposefully trying to tug on his nerves but it wasn't as successful as she had hoped it would be.

"Yes he did." Cas spoke for him.

"You say that like you were there."

"He was." Crowley answered. "Maybe later I can show you where Dean first spilt blood. It's kind of a shrine to the Demons. No one's been tortured in there since the Angels pulled him out. But, what do you say Dean? Why not pick up the razor one last time and kill the evil bitch? While you're on your way out."

"Evil bitch, wicked bitch of the west, evil skank, ginger whore. You know I'm starting to get the idea that you boys don't like me all that much." Rowena smiled. "What about you Feathers? Got a nickname for me?" She raised her eyebrows hoping for some vulgar language to come out from the Angel's mouth. But instead came out an usual noise. "And what was that?"

"My, my. Didn't know you had such a mouth on you." Crowley smirked at Cas.

"Am I missing something here? Do you know what's going on?" She asked Dean.

After giving up on ignoring them, he gave in and talked. "It's funnier in Enochian."

Cas smiled, Crowley grinned and Rowena just sighed and carried on moaning.

"So Dean. Care to elaborate any more on this brilliant plan of yours? Or do enjoy leaving us in the dark?"

He was silent.

"You know, if you share it with us. We might just spare you the humiliation when it doesn't work and one of us if not all of us has to save your arse and your brother's."

He remained silent.

"Silent treatment, eh? Okay, don't blame me then when this goes tits up. I'm just going to miss little Sammy that's all. With his big puppy dog eyes, his long hair, his firm build, his sacrificial personality, his need to save you. All those qualities, gone to waste." Rowena tried pressing down on his words again but to Dean, he blocked her out and she was silent. It was very peaceful. "Especially, if your brother says yes to Lucifer. Imagine that. I can't even begin to imagine the pain of seeing a loved one become something that... what word would you two use to describe Lucifer." She knew it wasn't working on Dean so she decided to spread her nuisance. "Feathers, tell me. But not in Enochian."

"Shut up or I will kill you."

"For once, I actually wouldn't mind hearing her yack on." Crowley chuckled. "Be my guest, Cas. One thing off the To-Do list."

They had reached the cage. The fire had gone out ages ago and all they could see inside was two shapes. One on the floor and one standing over the other. And in a not-so-friendly fashion. More like a beating-you-to-death sort of thing.

"Okay squirrel, so what now?"

"Now you two, stay here. Stay out of the way and be ready for when Sam comes back out." Dean said. He was clear and his tone practically screamed leader. They had the sense not to rebut for once in their long, long lives. They walked up to the area where they had been a captive audience earlier for the Sam and Lucifer talk show. Now it was time for Dean vs. the Devil; the death-match. "Cas, promise me. You'll get Sam out."

"I will."

"And no matter what happens, you take him back to the bunker."

"Dean, what are you-"

"Promise?"

"Yes." Cas was more than concerned. Dean was only like this when he was going to do something so stupid to save Sam that it could even be considered suicidal. "Dean..." Cas began before Dean turned to him.

"No matter what." He saw the fear in Cas' eyes and he wanted to tell him more. Tell him not to worry. But he didn't have time.

"How are we getting in then?"

"Like this." Dean said. He walked up to the cage. The metal looked white hot. It looked like it would sear off anyone's skin as well as grilling a kebab rotisserie styled. He grabbed the metal bars, one in each hand and pulled. It left a gap. He told a stunned Cas to go quickly. He was flabbergasted but Cas knew that time was of the essence. Dean jumped in and pulled them back again, leaving them just as he had found them. When he turned he saw Lucifer standing over Sam. His brother was bleeding in a few places. Satan was going to pay for that. He slowly turned up from where he was standing over Sam and smiled.

"Cas, Dean. Just the people we were waiting for." He turned to Sam slightly and chuckled. "I told you they'd come. They will always come for you Sammy."

"Dean." Dean heard Sam whisper. He couldn't tell whether it was out of relief or fear, fear for him. Fear that his older brother would once again prove that there is nothing he wouldn't do for Sam.

"Yes, Dean. You seem different. Especially since the last I saw you. And Cas, it's been even longer. Tell me. How's Heaven? I heard you got put back together after I separated you, molecule by molecule." He moved towards them. He struck fear into Cas but Dean remained calm and strong. "How are you Dean? It's been too long. Much longer than I had anticipated. Do you remember our little talk? That was fun."

Sam and Cas were in the dark on this. They were completely confused by what Lucifer was talking about.

"What?" Sam said.

"Oh." Lucifer sighed. "Oh no, you didn't tell them?" He tsked Dean, and put his hand on Dean's shoulder. Making Cas wince and Sam's blood boil. Cas kept moving slowly across the edges of the cage to Sam. He soon had a grip on him and pulled him up so that he was standing like the rest of them. "You see Sammy. Remember when dear old Dean died. Stabbed by an angel blade remember? Yeesh." He looked back at Dean now. Staring at his clear green eyes. "He came to see me. As all people who bear the mark do. He stayed in the cage for a bit. You see, a soul has to go to Hell in order for it to become a demon. But when a soul bears daddy's signature that I happened to demonise. He stayed in here until he became a demon. And I'm guessing that he was dead nearly two days before that had happened. So he spent a while with me. We really got to know each other and we really got talking. And I told him to do something." He turned away from Dean and walked towards the shuffling Sam and Cas who were trying to get back to the front of the cage where Dean stood still. "I told him to damn you. I told him to bring you to me. And even though it wasn't intentional. You eventually came."

Sam was furious. He was mad at his brother for not telling him. He was mad at the Devil for most likely torturing Dean for what would have been nearly a year in hell. He was mad at everything. Cas was who was holding him back as well as holding him up, as Sam would surely have fallen to the ground by now.

"So Dean, care to share now?"

"Yeah." He said. He squared up to the devil and stared at him in the eyes. Sam and Cas were now at the front of the cage. He punched Lucifer in the face and he went down. He turned quickly throwing his hand hand out, a force blew past Cas and Sam and the bars bent letting them hop out. Dean was going to but Lucifer puled him back and Dean had just enough time to close the bars again.

"Learned some new tricks, did we?" It was Lucifer's turn to punch Dean. Dean fell to the ground but was immediately back up.

Outside the cage, Cas took Sam and sat him down against the pulpit where Crowley and Rowena had previously been waiting. They joined the other in watching Dean and the devil fight. Sam tried to get up but Cas wouldn't let him. He kept mumbling to himself. "Dean... Dean..." But Cas had promised. And he truly didn't know how to help.

"You let her in didn't you? Dear old Auntie. You're bonded." Lucifer said as Dean punched him again. He grabbed Dean's left arm and pulled it around his back and pulled up the sleeve on his right arm. "Seriously? You have no idea what you have gotten yourself into do you?"

"Neither do you." Dean argued, pulling himself free and gripping tight on to Lucifer.

"Such power. God level power huh. How does it feel, Dean? How does it feel to be like him? Not even I can imagine that." He chuckled. "So what are you going to do now? With all that power, all that knowledge, everything. What are you going to do?"

"Send you back." Dean focused and hole in the floor opened up. It was dark. It was cold. Dean hadn't seen it since Stull Cemetery. It was the door back to The Cage. He was pulling him closer and closer. His grip was tight on the devil. But he turned to him and looked him in the eye.

"But not without you with me."

Lucifer pulled them both down. And Dean and Lucifer fell into The Cage.

"DEAN!" Sam yelled.

* * *

 **Please don't hate me, please don't hate me! Tell me what you thought. REVIEW, FOLLOW AND FAVOURITE PLEASE! THEY ARE MY INSPIRATION AND MOTIVATION TO WRITE!**


	4. Chapter 4

**OH MY GOODNESS! THE EPISODE! I DIED. I PHYSICALLY DIED! CAS! I mean seriously the writers are going to kill me... unless I kill them first in revenge for all the cliffhangers! Thank you to all those who reviewed and followed and favourited and special shout out to freetobescary because THAT review just completely made my day. Thank you so much!**

 **If you want to see anything else I have SUPERNATURAL - wise. I have a Youtube account as well. Where I update with a new FANVID every now and then. My YOUTUBE CHANNEL is Bekki Lou and I will be UPDATING THIS WEEKEND! Please don't forget to FOLLOW, FAVOURITE AND REVIEW!**

* * *

 _Lucifer pulled them both down. And Dean and Lucifer fell into The Cage._

 _"DEAN!" Sam yelled._

He raced up off of his feet and tried his best to sprint to the cage. He rattled against the bars, crying out Dean's name over and over again until Cas and Crowley managed to pull him back.

"NO! NO DEAN!" Sam kept yelling.

"Sam, Sam. You need to calm down." Cas said once they had him against the wall.

"Calm down?! My brother is down there in The Cage with Lucifer and Michael! The two angels that hate him the most!" He ranted. "Can- can you go down there and get him? You did it for me! You can do that now right? You've got your grace back."

"No, Sam. We both know I can't. My wings are still shredded and it took a long time. And it still didn't all work out. The only who could maybe help, would be-"

"Death." Sam was panting. But Death was dead. Gone. Killed by his own scythe in the hands of Dean whilst he bore the Mark. He stopped his shouting to catch his breath, then said calmly enough: "They're going to torture him, Cas."

"No." Cas refused to believe it. Dean had already did a splint in hell and that broke him. Sam spent time in The Cage and returned soulless. "There has to be a way." He turned to Rowena who had been quiet this whole time. "Is there? Is there a way in the Book of the Damned?"

She was silent. Then saw Cas' angel blade slip into his hand. "I don't know."

"Lies!"

"I don't. I honestly don't know."

"Was there another way to get Lucifer back into The Cage?" Sam mumbled, it was barely audible.

"Maybe."

"Was there?!" Sam yelled.

"Yes! Okay, there was. But, did any of you expect me to betray my Lord?" Rowena smiled. "I was the one who got him out. I wasn't planning on shoving him back in."

"You didn't do that?"

"Do what? The hole in the floor of the cage? No, tacky anyway. So nearly six years ago."

"Then what?" Sam was confused. "Dean did that?"

"'fraid so dearie. Your brother's got some God-given talent."

"I don't think it was God-given." Crowley pointed out.

"Amara?" Sam asked. "You think Amara did this."

"Most likely." Cas intervened. "She was with him for some time and he has been acting differently since."

"Wait, when was he with her?"

"While you were talking to the devil, the Darkness was talking to Dean."

"So, now what? Dean's her slave?" Sam asked.

"I don't-"

"STOP SAYING YOU DON'T KNOW! Somebody has to know something!"

"Let's go back to the bunker. Find out some more." Cas turned to Crowley. Everyone wore a solemn expression, even the King of Hell. "Can you open the portal again?"

"What portal?"

"The portal in Kansas. The one that opens when an angel or a demon is near."

"Feathers, I've got boatloads of demon doors that lead to Hell. But they only open if you know the password. And I don't have any in Kansas." Crowley paused for a moment. "Dean, told you I did..."

"So, Dean can open doors to Hell now?" Sam exclaimed. "Great, that's great."

"Well, if the lad can do that, then what's stopping him from opening a door from the cage back to the top?" Rowena questioned.

"Can he do that Cas?" Sam asked with hope in his eyes.

"We don't know the extent to the Darkness' powers, and if he's as powerful as her now. We don't know anything, we don't know if Dean's-"

"Dean anymore..." Sam finished.

 **The Cage**

"Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!" Lucifer sang in Dean's ear. Dean's eyes shot open and he took it all in. They were in The Cage. The Cage that Sam's soul had endured torture in for over a century. It was dark, there was no source of a light but he could still see. He slowly stood up. He saw Lucifer smiling but he could feel the anger seething out from him. Then there was Michael. He looked worn out, like he had become savage in the centuries that he had spent in here. He was no longer the pure Angel of the Lord, or the first child of God, or the most powerful Angel that was supposed to ride Dean into battle, brandishing him as the Michael sword to defeat the devil. He looked hungry. For power, for revenge, for anything. Then there was a little thing in the corner, huddling in fear. It was what remained of Dean's brother; Adam's soul. It was a tiny thing. It had endured so much pain and torture and now it was a diminishing flame, near extinguished and weak.

"How ya feeling?" Lucifer asked batting his eyelashes. But Dean was silent. "Oh, I see. You're going to be the strong silent type. But every now and then, during the torture, you'll let the occasional scream or cuss get out. What's the thing you like to say a lot?" He mused for a moment then did his best impression of Dean. "Do of a bitch!" He laughed. "Good, huh? Oh come on, tell that was good. I even did the thing with my lips and my eyes were filled with hatred and fear. Come on, you can't say that I don't do a spot on impression of you huh? What, 'fraid Sammy will pick me over you is that it?"

Dean looked up. He stretched his legs and stood up. Staring face to face with the devil, squaring him in the eyes.

"I'm not afraid." He spoke the truth. "Of you. Of Michael. Of God. Anything."

"We'll see about that." Michael growled.

"No, you won't." Dean stared as Michael lunged at him. Ready to tear him to shreds and start all over again later. Ready to impart the most painful methods known to exact his revenge on his former sword. But he was stuck. He couldn't move. He growled more, angry at his inability to even wiggle a finger. Then Dean's eyes flew to the wall and Michael did the same. Like demons once did to Dean, he was doing the same to Angels.

"Oh, can you show me that trick?" Lucifer asked. "I can't do that to him down here."

"Where is He?"

Lucifer put his hand to his ear and cupped it. "I'm sorry, who now?"

"You know." Said Dean.

"Ah, yes. I suspected you had an ulterior motive. Now that you're up there, hanging with auntie." He shrugged. "Sorry, can't help ya."

"Can't or won't."

"I would if I could, but I can't so I shan't." He smiled that cheeky, evil grin that made you think he was going to snap your neck any minute now. "Trust me, I would love to see you and the Darkness team up and take down Big Daddy but... I honestly don't know where he is."

"Does he?" Dean pointed to Michael.

"I don't think he remembers much of anything anymore. Hey Michael!" He tried to turn his head away but couldn't. So he was forced to watch Dean and Lucifer slowly walk up to him. Whilst he was still stuck on the wall. "Hey, Mikey. D'you know where Daddy's run off to?"

"No." He mumbled. He was angry. He had hoped Father, would have tried to get him out by now. But there was nothing. No angels, no demons, only the Winchester he hated more than anything and a quick visit from Death.

Dean raised his head. His face stern and emotionless. "He's telling the truth."

"So now what, questions weren't answered and you're no closer to finding the Big G. Whatcha gonna do?" He said cocking his head to the left. Dean glanced Lucifer's way and saw him smiling. Dean walked over to the little thing hiding in the corner, it had been watching them the entire time, scared but at the same time hopeful at the sight of a familiar face. Dean scooped it up and carried it to the centre of the dark, dingy cage.

"I'm not staying." And with that, Lucifer aimed a punch that connected with Dean's jaw just as he disappeared from The Cage, leaving Michael and Lucifer to fight between themselves

 **The Bunker**

Cas had finished healing Sam and they had hit every book they could find in the library. Every single book based on the religious beliefs, about God, Lucifer, Hell, The Cage. They had searched non-stop for three days. And nothing had come up. Sam was no longer sad and suffering in silence. He fell into rage and heated anger.

"Sam. Sam. SAM STOP!" Cas yelled when Sam suddenly jumped out of his chair throwing a book in any direction it would take. Pushing the papers off the desk and flinging the lamp into the corner. He didn't stop until Cas grabbed hold of him and leaned him against the edge of the desk with his hand on Sam's shoulder. "Sam. I know what you're thinking. And you know it's not true."

"If you know what I'm thinking, then you'll know it is." Sam slid Cas' hand off his shoulder.

"Sam-"

"I was so adamant on seeing Lucifer. I was the one so convinced that someone important as God would take interest in someone like me. If I hadn't been so stupid and foolish and self-righteous, then Dean wouldn't be... He would be here. And he'd be right. Because those visions, weren't God's; they were from the Devil. Dean was right and I'd give anything for him to walk through that door, punch me in the face for being such an idiot and say 'I told you so'." Sam's eyes were watering. He knew it was his fault. Cas felt deep down inside, he was blaming Sam as well but he would never say it aloud. "I put my brother in hell... again... And there's no guaranteed way... of getting him out."

Cas did something he's not prone to. He gripped both of Sam's shoulders and made him look into his eyes. Then enveloped him in a hug. Sam was shocked but knew he needed this moment of brotherly and friendly affection between them. Though, he felt he didn't deserve it. They released each other but Cas' hand remained on Sam's shoulder. "We will get Dean out and he is going to be okay."

"Is he?" They heard from behind him.

* * *

 **Sorry to leave it there but I have a plan. This chapter's not as long as the others, sorry about that but I had in my mind, pictured exactly right but when it came to writing. It didn't go as well. But I really hope you all liked it. And I hope to update again over the weekend. Twice if I'm lucky but no promises. I really hoped you liked it because I have a lot in mind for this story. And I will obviously incorporate more characters into the story. Please tell me what you think. FOLLOW, FAVOURITE AND REVIEW!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi. Look what I've come through with on my promise. One chapter for the weekend. Maybe I'll upload another on Monday, but I'm not sure because I've got a few tough exams next week: psychology and English. Wish me luck and have a look at my Youtube as it will make me very happy! The link is at the bottom of the page! I make SUPERNATURAL FANVIDS! DON'T FORGET TO FOLLOW, FAVOURITE AND REVIEW! You may carry on.**

* * *

 _"We will get Dean out and he is going to be okay."_

 _"Is he?" They heard from behind him._

They turned around at the sound of his voice. "How did you get in here?"

"I've learned some stuff about this place, for example, when you hold someone prisoner in here. I wouldn't walk them out the front door. I also would keep an eye on the devil's trap at the front door. Any demon could just waltz right through here."

"Any just did. What do you want Crowley?" Sam asked agitated

"Sorry to break the bromantic tension between the two of you, Moose. But I've got something that I think you're going to want to see."

"Where?" Cas asked, the annoyance clear in his voice.

"Is no one pleased to see me?" Crowley frowned. Then swiftly moved on. "Hell. Don't worry. I'll take you."

Crowley snapped his fingers and suddenly they were all back in Hell... again. They found themselves in Crowley's throne room with Rowena sitting on a stool. Her expression spoke of annoyance and boredom. She grinned when she saw what was back in Hell. She slowly got up thanks to the chains on her wrists and ankles. "Well well, look what the King dragged down to Hell. You'd think you'd have happier faces than those frowns and sad eyes. Poor, poor lambs."

"Just shut it, okay?" Said Sam.

"Attitude much."

"Why did you bring us here?" Cas asked.

"Oh, they don't know. Well, this is going to be entertaining." Rowena smiled walking over to the boys.

Crowley scowled at his mother. Who wore a pleasant smile that seemed to be 'I just baked you cookies' but really meant 'I just stabbed you in my mind continuously until you bled to death on the floor screaming for mercy'. He tightened his suit and began walking out of the door from the throne room. "Follow me boys."

"And lady." Rowena reminded him.

"Sorry, where are my manners? Follow me boys and whores."

"Old song, dearie. Play a new track."

"Trust me, I've only just started." Sam started to recognise the way they were all going.

"We're going back there? The the cage?" Sam asked.

"Yes." Crowley replied simply.

"Why?"

"Because, there's something-"

"Something I'd want to see. Yeah, I got that. Tell me what." Demanded Sam, holding the demon knife at Crowley.

Crowley tsked and shook his head. "Why can't any of you ever learn the art of patience? Waving your little dagger in my face doesn't scare me and I would tell you what's in there only I don't know how to describe it."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning: You have to see for yourself."

They carried on walking until they walked to the nothingness, to limbo. They saw the black lit by the few torches and the cage that was supposed to have held Lucifer within it while they talk about the Darkness. They all stopped a few metres from the cage, when they all saw it. The cage was empty, the last time they had seen it. Now there was a body in there. It laid on the floor, like someone was sleeping or if someone was dead. It was too dark to make out who it was. But it was male. Sam feared it was Lucifer, hoped it was Dean but feared that if it was Dean, that Lucifer or even Michael was in charge and was wearing him. Making either of them able to return topside.

"He was just there." Crowley said.

"Who?" Cas asked Crowley because Sam was too scared to, because he didn't want to know the answer. But then again, no one did.

"I don't know. I came to you straight away."

"You didn't even check?"

"Even if I did, would that prove who it was?"

Sam quietly and slowly moved towards the cage. It was no longer hot, so he could just open the door. "Sam, don't!" Cas warned.

"I'm not. I'm not." He assured him. "I just want to see who it is." The body's back was turned to them, they couldn't see their face. The body didn't appear to be broken, or hurt in any way that he could see. Sam walked around the whole cage, trying to find an angle that let him see the face. But every angle was wrong. Even if it was Dean's face, that wouldn't mean it was necessarily Dean. "Cas, is it him?"

He sighed and shook his head. He wished he knew but he didn't. "I don't know. I can't tell through the warding."

"If- If we went inside, then we could tell if it was him and if he's possessed or not, right?"

"Yes, but Sam. What if he is possessed, he could get out if we opened the door. He could wake up the moment the door is unlocked."

"And if it's just him, we don't know if he can ever wake up." Sam argued, prepared to open the door.

"What if it isn't?" Crowley interrupted. "What if it isn't just him? Then what are you going to do? Lucifer or Michael, that's trouble. But the only person that can expel them out of the body is him. And I don't think either of the Angel Bros are going to let your brother's consciousness be awake to do that."

"So, what if it isn't him? Hm?" Rowena cooed. "Are you willing to kill your own brother? Willing to send him down to the Cage? Would you send him away for eternity or are you going to do another stupid thing to end the damn world?"

"SHUT UP!" Sam bellowed. "YOU CAN'T TALK TO ME ABOUT IT! HE'S MY BROTHER!" Sam's eyes were watering in anger and in remorse. "And unlike you I care about him, I care about my family! I could never just kill him, I could never watch him die. Not again! Not again." He turned around and opened the door. The body didn't move a muscle, didn't even show any signs of awareness for his surroundings. So Sam stepped inside, and Cas followed on after him, shutting in harshly when inside the cage.

Sam's fear made his feet heavy. He felt like he couldn't move but at the same time, Sam felt that he could collapse right there. He shuffled to the un-moving body, his hopes and fears drastically high. He turned the body round to see the face, he didn't know what to feel; scared or relieved.

It was Dean. It was his brother.

Sam sighed and chuckled at the same time and grabbed hold of his head, cradling him in his lap. He saw the cuts and bruises all over Dean and pushed them aside in his thoughts for now. He checked his pulse. His smile dropped.

"Dean? Dean!" Sam yelled in his ear. Sam's voice cracked. "Dean?"

"Sam." Cas warned him.

"Cas? Is he...?" Sam asked. Cas walked over and held his hand out, searching for any irregularities.

"He's alive."

Sam breathed a sigh, as the relief rushed through him. "Cas?" Sam asked when Cas pulled a confused face.

"There's no trace of any angelic grace within him..."

"But?"

"But... Dean's... changed."

"How?"

"I don't know. But he's not human anymore."

Sam didn't know what to say, he didn't know what to do. But he knew he couldn't leave his brother in there.

"Are you sure Lucifer or Michael aren't in him?"

"I'm certain."

For now, that was good enough for Sam to go with. He and Cas each took one of Dean's arms and helped carry him out of the cage. Seeing the figures moving in the cage towards the door, Crowley realised he should open it. When he saw who they were carrying, all that Crowley could muster was a whispered: "Bloody hell."

"How did he...?" Rowena began.

"Don't know" Replied Sam as he and Cas brought Dean out of the cage.

"I believe your brother, crawled out of The Cage."

"He crawled? How?" Sam asked.

"Well, those bashes to him happen to the souls who can crawl out of Hell. It only happens every few hundred years and no one has ever made it out of something that well-defended." Crowley explained. "If he did escape from The Cage on his own, then your brother has found a way to outsmart God and do something not even Lucifer or Michael can do."

Sam looked at his brother and wondered what the Hell was happening to him. "Let's take him back to the bunker."

Crowley smiled flirtatiously. "I assume you'll want a lift." Sam gave him an aggravated look of annoyance but didn't disagree with him. Crowley snapped his fingers and they were all in the bunker. "I'd fix the warding if I were you. Don't want a demon to come in here, peel those tats off and possess you, do you?"

Sam set Dean down on his own bed. He turned around and gave a fake smile that quickly turned sour. "Get out."

"Why Moose? Bringing back bad memories? You, your banged up brother, and me. Last time it was like this, I got a new best friend." Crowley chuckled lightly. "Good times."

"A best friend who made you look pathetic to your whole kingdom, tried to kill you and was uncontrollable as well as murderous?" Cas questioned.

"Yeah, yeah good times Crowley. Now get out." Sam couldn't care less about Crowley now, all that mattered was Dean.

"Fine. Until next time Samantha." He disappeared and as soon as he did so, Cas fixed the warding in the Bunker. Sam sat down in Dean's room watching him, hoping that he would wake up any moment now, not remembering his time in The Cage at all. It was now 4 a.m. and Cas walked into the room. He saw that Sam was asleep and woke him up. Sam was adamant about staying with Dean, he wanted to be there when Dean woke up, to be assured that his brother was okay. He needed to now that Dean was okay, because he couldn't handle Dean being broken again. Cas reassured Sam that if Dean woke up, that he would get him immediately. But if Dean did not wake up for a few more hours then Sam will not be awake enough to check him over. Plus he was already very sleep-deprived because he's only slept around three or four hours in the last few days trying to find a way to get Dean out of The Cage. It took a while but Cas had worn him down and Sam had gone to his room for a few hours sleep or until Dean woke up, whichever came first.

Cas simply watched him. He didn't know if he was asleep or just not conscious. He sat in the chair that Sam had sat in for the past few hours. Many thoughts whizzed through Cas' mind: What had happened to Dean? Was it the Darkness's doing? What is the extent of her powers? What is the extent of Dean's powers? How did he crawl out from The Cage? What did Lucifer and Michael do to him? Will he be as broken as he was when he returned from Hell the first time? Where is his Father during all of this?

Cas sensed something odd about Dean. But for some reason, his disheveled appearance seemed different. His checked shirt did not stop at his elbow, they reached his wrists. Cas knew that Dean was hiding something. He had only worn he shirts like that when he was ashamed. Ashamed at what was on his arm. When the Mark of Cain was controlling him. Cas pulled Dean's right shirt sleeve up to his elbow. He stumbled back in shock.

He felt his knees go weak.

He felt sick to his stomach.

He felt like crying out.

He felt as if time had slowed down.

He wished he was just imagining this.

But he wasn't.

On Dean's right arm. In the exact same place before. Like it remembered. Was the Mark.

Dean bore the Mark again.

* * *

 **I think I'll leave it there for now. I hope to upload another one this weekend but I make no promises because I have to revise for a psychology exam. I really hope you liked it. If you want to see anything else of mine. Go to my Youtube Channel - Bekki Lou**

 **channel/UCqG6Kdnziu0oBT6aJB0DsAA**

 **And let me know if you want me to make a trailer for this fanfiction. I will only do so if you'd like to see it. I really hoped you liked it. If you did: FOLLOW FAVOURITE AND REVIEW! PLEASE LOOK AT MY YOUTUBE!**


	6. Chapter 6

**IMPORTANT INFORMATION REGARDING EVERYTHING! PLEASE READ THIS !**

 **Sorry this is a little later than I anticipated but I had another psychology exam today which I forgot to mention. Also I have an Italian exam on Monday so I will hopefully update over the weekend and again on like Tuesday or Wednesday. If I'm lucky. Um... It really means a lot to how supportive you're all being, I just love it, it motivates me to write better and to read more. I especially would like to thank AriseIcarus (love your name), freetobescary (again, thank you. Especially for wishing me luck with the exam that was really sweet) and to everyone else to reviewed, favourited and followed me.**

 **Also, how many people freaked out over the new episode? Oh I so thought at the end, we were going to see Casifer reveal himself to the boys but no... of course not. "Because that would spare the fans feelings and we want them to suffer as much as possible" is what they probably said. But I mean, no big reveal yet about Luci, but Sam apologised again for Purgatory... which I glad of, because personally I have always thought that was a dick move on Sam's part.**

 **One more thing. If you want to see, there is a trailer for this fanfic on my YOUTUBE CHANNEL where I post SUPERNATURAL FANVIDS *cough, cough* So have a look at that please, that would be awesome and SUBSCRIBE TO ME as well please *hint, hint*.**

watch?v=HTqvmfWWqcE - **for some reason it won't let me copy the whole link in here. Search in youtube Bekki Lou and my videos are DemonDean to Demons by Imagine Dragons, Dean Winchester to the song My Own Worst Enemy by Robert Pettersson and Helena Josefsson, "You're betting on Dean?" "I always have." 11x10, watch me laugh & hear me cry, human, etc. You get the gist. **

**On with the merriment!**

* * *

 _On Dean's right arm. In the exact same place before. Like it remembered. Was the Mark._

 _Dean bore the Mark again._

Cas didn't know whether to run to Sam, hide it for him or slap Dean silly for getting it again. He was up and out of the chair, just awkwardly standing there next to Dean's bed. Memories over the past two years running through his mind. He realised that Dean had been acting differently, that he wasn't the same. And his soul... he didn't know what it was but it was no longer human. This wasn't the same Dean as he was with the mark, how could he be? The Darkness was what was pushing him, fueling his violence and anger. Now she was free, the mark would have a different effect. But what was this new effect on Dean? He realised he was near hyperventilating, if he were human, it would be concerning but instead Cas tried to make it out of the room to Sam. He stumbled from the shock of it all and used the walls as crutches to help him as if he were a child learning to walk. He thought of a film that he had watched on Netflix called 'Bambi'. He had trouble walking too.

He opened Sam's door and saw him sprawled over his bed, he was exhausted. Which was understandable; he had been with Lucifer again, his brother had gone to the cage for who knows how long it was down there, Dean won't wake up and he seems to have some new-found powers. And Cas had to be the bearer of bad news to him, the one to make the load even heavier.

"Sam?" Cas spoke. "Sam?" But he didn't wake up. Sam was too tired to wake up to a quite quiet calling of his name. Cas walked over to Sam and jostled him slightly calling his name simultaneously. Sam jolted awake, but Cas couldn't tell if he was happy or upset to be woken up.

"Cas? What's wrong? Is Dean awake?" Blurred out of Sam's mouth very quickly. Cas understood and shook his head. "Then what? Is he okay?" Sam's face dropped, as did his spirits. His love for his brother was overwhelming to Cas sometimes, it never ceased to astonish him how much they both cared for each other. And Cas has never not been grateful for the similar love they give him. That he was truly a part of their family, their brother...

All that Cas could muster was: "I don't know." He gestured to Sam to follow him and he practically leaped out of bed and walked on after him to Dean's bedroom. Sam walked through the open door to see Dean still unconscious, still battered and bruised on the bed. But what he didn't take in at first out of habit of seeing it, scared the hell out of him. His reaction was worse than Cas'. He fell down into the chair next to Dean, but only with the help of Cas. His head in his hands and between his knees. He looked like he was having a hard time breathing. Cas asked if he needed a moment alone, although he couldn't see Sam's face, he saw the slight bob of his head.

Cas walked out of the room and tried to take all that had happened in the past two minutes. They thought their biggest problem was the Darkness but now they are unsure. They have to deal with Amara, Dean going to The Cage with Michael and Lucifer, Dean's new 'powers', Dean's changes - that he was no longer human - and now the rotten cherry on the crappiest cake ever was that Dean bore the mark again. Cas dropped his head, letting everything wash over him, wondering how much pain this must be to Sam. He knew this was painful for him, but he couldn't imagine how much this must pain Sam. After everything he had done. How hard he had tried. How much he had refused to give up on a cure, to give up on his brother. And now Dean had the mark again and knew that the storm they were already in, had just become so much worse.

Cas wasn't certain but he thought he heard the sound of crying come from Dean's room.

Sam was relieved that Cas had left him alone with his unconscious brother. He didn't know if he could see anybody at all right now. He raised his head from his hands and stared at Dean. Sam tried to look at his face, it didn't look pained despite all the cuts and bruises and the thought alone of being in The Cage is torture but he was in there. He looked calm, almost peaceful.

Like he was having a good dream.

He wished that for his brother. To once not be plagued by nightmares, memories, visions. He prayed to God that Dean's life to be different. What came to mind was what Dean had said the Djinn from years ago had made their lives like. He wished, if it he knew it would come true, that Dean could have a normal life. No matter if they wouldn't be as close, wouldn't die for each other, Dean would still be alive and he wouldn't be burdened or in pain. He longed for the day that they both could leave. Sometimes, it feels like that's going to be today, other times they feel like something is always going to bring them back. And every time it happens, it just gets worse.

Sam soon realised that he was crying, he was doing his damnedest not to. But he couldn't control it. After everything that's happen, after all that's happened to Dean. He couldn't hold it back and wept. He wept like he did when Dean died in his arms by the hands of Metatron in that warehouse. He couldn't save him then and he doesn't know how to save him this time. He wondered whether the mark would have the same effect on him as it did before the Darkness was released. Sam wondered what Dean was feeling right now, if he could still feel anything.

 _It was quiet._

 _It was peaceful in here._

 _He liked it._

 _Climbing out of Hell had been a challenge, he knew despite being bonded to the Darkness, he was still in a human form. And it could only take so much before shutting down. Which was what had happened. Climbing up from The Cage solo, took a toll on him and his body shut down. But his mind had never been clearer. He could sense everything like in was in HD and he could hear Cas' gasps and Sam's cries. Part of him wanted to wake up and do everything he could to convince them that he was content but he couldn't. He waited for Amara. He knew where she was, he could feel where she was. But Dean patiently waited because he knew it was important._

 _"Hello Dean." Amara smiled suddenly next to him._

 _"Amara." Dean's smiled continued to dazzle her. With all the pain he has endured, and he still manages to smile and laugh and create fond memories. "I'm sorry. It didn't work."_

 _"We knew the chances were slim." She whispered, her brushing by him._

 _"They didn't know where he is. But I have an idea."_

 _Amara tilted her head at the thought of his new plan. "And you believe this will work?"_

 _"Why not? Someone has to know where he is. You've searched, as have I and still nothing." He knew of her latest scheme to find her brother had failed. She was busy searching for her brother also. He had checked with his sons in Hell whilst she searched the Earth and other places in whihc he had created. They were busy and separated. That's why it felt like an eternity to wait to speak to her, after returning from The Cage. He was waiting for this plan to turn sour."But don't forget, your last idea didn't work out so well either." Dean chuckled. This made Amara smile. "Well, obviously all plans so far have failed, otherwise we wouldn't currently be in need of another plan."_

 _"Let us try your new one. Will it work, is your body strong enough?" Questioned Amara._

 _"Not right no. Hell was arduous, more so than I imagined. The body is weak and needs healing."_

 _"Would you prefer if I were to help speed it along?" Amara asked._

 _"If you would be so generous. I am already healing as fast as I can but, it's hard to heal the body you're trapped inside when you're... trapped inside." Dean's laugh was contagious. Again, he had her smiling._

 _The calm and serenity still present._

 _The bliss never left._

 _Dean felt like the bliss had always been there. That the time he had had this feeling could have been his whole life or just one brief second in time and he would be none the wiser._

 _He felt the movement of his body's fingers. He heard the concerned voice of Sam, calling for him._

 _But more importantly than that: He felt Amara with him still._

 _Though not physically with her, he felt her presence and heard her speak to him. He hears her when she whispers his name. "Dean." Just as a precaution, to make sure that he is always there, that she is not back within that awful prison her brother locked her away in. Dean knew what God had done to her and was with Amara that finding him was their number one priority. That the Darkness must overshadow the Light. That they would win. That they would be together in doing so._ _Dean's thoughts were focused on only those two things: Amara and God. Amara thought of either her brother or the one with whom she most deeply connects to, the one she shares her bond with._

 _They had once called him The Righteous Man._

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 **I'm going to leave it there. I hoped you enjoyed it! Don't forget to check out my YOUTUBE CHANNEL... MORE INFORMATION AT THE TOP! And also please click on the FAVOURITE and FOLLOW buttons or even better, type something up and then press the REVIEW button! Bye! Hopefully see you all soon!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Hi there. Wow, I didn't think I'd get it up this early but oh well. Thank you if you have looked at the trailer. And thank you even more if you thought to look at my other videos. Thanks to babyreaper (love the name!) to reviewing, clicking on all four boxes AND for commenting on the video... that really brightened my day thank you! Also to deadone1013!**

 **Keep reading, keeping reviewing, keep following, keep favouriting, keep watching the trailer, keep checking out my youtube channel and maybe I'll stop telling you what to do. Or maybe I'll even have a conversation with you about my story because I'd love to talk with you all.**

 **Also out of curiosity, how many readers are in the UK? Just checking out where you guys are. Carry on... my wayward son. I really couldn't help myself...**

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 _Amara thought of either her brother or the one with whom she most deeply connects to, the one she shares her bond with._

 _They had once called him The Righteous Man._

"Cas! Dean is waking up!" Sam yelled to the closed door. He heard Cas bound in while he was watching Dean's inhale and exhale from his mouth, his head stirring and his fingers slightly moving. "Dean? Dean? Dean, hey hey hey?" He called out plenty of times, he was shocked when Dean's eyelids just suddenly opened wide. "Thank God. Dean? Dean are you okay?"

"Yeah." He said sitting upright, he swung his legs over the side of the bed. "How long has it been?"

Cas asked him. "What do you mean?"

"When we were all downstairs with Lucifer. How long has it been since then?" Dean demanded. But he still managed to say it with a gentle voice.

"A few days." Sam was in shock, his brother despite the disheveled appearance and cuts and bruises, seemed fine. He didn't seem at all affected by the Cage. Sam knew as soon as he jumped through the hole that he would be changed. He felt the difference automatically. The proximity of him and the Archangel brothers was overwhelming. Even if Dean or Cas had busted all of him out in a few days, he knew he'd be very much scarred. Lucifer was at his angriest at the beginning but then became calmer and fought with Michael more. "Crowley found you in that cage in Limbo yesterday, you've only been here a few hours." Sam was unsure what to say. He didn't know if Dean would hide his feelings like he did with his first stint in Hell or if he would try and share since Sam has had similar experience. "Dean? How do you feel?"

"Fine, don't worry." Dean replied simply.

Sam couldn't believe what he had just said. "Don't worry? Don't worry?! Dean you were in Hell! You were in The Cage with Lucifer and Michael! You crawled out of Hell! You have the Mark again!" Sam let the last one slip in the heated anger of the moment. He saw Dean's eyes shift and stare at his arm. He didn't look at it the same way he used to. He used to look at it with despair and anger and self-loathing. Now he seemed calm with it. And it scared the crap out of Sam and Cas.

"Dean? Did Amara give you the Mark? Did you have it when we rescued Sam?" Cas asked. He was aware of the change in Dean's personality and behaviour ever since they met up to break Sam out. "Dean..." Cas began. Dean looked to him waiting, Cas had never seen him so patient. "You're not... you're not human anymore. Whatever's happened to you... I don't know how or even if it can be undone."

"Not human huh?" Dean replied, getting up. He walked to Cas but just passed by him and reached the door before he paused and looked back at them. "Wouldn't be the first, would it?" He then carried on to walk the corridors of the bunker. He made it to the library before Sam and Cas began again.

"Dean, what the hell is wrong with you?" Sam yelled. "Tell me what happened."

Dean sighed and then smiled. "Why can't you understand that this is good?" He asked. "That it feels better this way?" He continued. "That we are stronger together?"

"We?" Sam and Cas asked.

"The Darkness." Sam and Cas were in a stunned silence. "We are the Darkness. We are one."

"One?" Sam asked.

"Dean, what foolish thing did you do now?" Cas asked furiously. "You can't have thought it was a good idea. She can not ever be trusted, she was the reason for all of your pain from the Mark. She drove you to murder and violence. She is the evil that God protected us from."

"Protected? You think God protected humans from the Darkness? That the reason we were locked away until now, was because God was being protective?" Dean walked over to Castiel. Staring at him directly in his angel blue. "Then you're the real fool... We have never been a threat. We threatened God. He was so scared that we could make a better creation than you, his perfect soldiers and homo sapiens - humans. So he banished us. Created false stories. Made everyone believe we were evil." Dean was scaring Sam and Cas now. Even more so than before. They now realised the depth of the connection he shared with Amara. It was truly powerful. It was like they were the same person. "But we never were. Castiel, you do not believe our intentions are pure. Then let me show you."

He put two fingers to Cas' forehead like he has done to Dean on so many occasions. There was a sudden bright flash of light that was blinding only to Sam. He shielded his eyes and fell back against one of the bookshelves. _Is he killing Cas?_ Sam immediately thought. The force that filled the room was incredible, Sam wondered whether it was good or bad. He wondered if there would be any more of Cas when he could open his eyes. He could see through his eyelids that the light was dimming now. He tried opening his eyes and found both Cas and Dean were still in the same position they had been before the flash.

Cas looked as if he had just had the best night's sleep ever, while Dean looked worse than he did just a few moments ago. He became suddenly dependent on the table nearest to him. He leaned against it, catching his breath. Sam wondered who he should help. Cas didn't seem to need any help but he didn't know if Dean was actually Dean anymore.

"Cas?" Sam asked, still on the floor with his back against the bookcase. "Cas, are you okay?"

"What did you do?" Cas spoke to Dean, ignoring Sam's concerns entirely.

"I fixed them. Your wings, Castiel." Dean smiled. "May I say, they are magnificent."

Cas closed his eyes and felt beyond the vessel that was once Jimmy Novak. He felt to his actual being. Before, his knew his wings were frayed and broken. Falling apart and ugly. But they were enough to sustain him. Now they were as amazing as the first time he showed them to the Righteous Man. He spread them and they opened and covered the walls of the Bunker. Sam saw the shadow of them, but Cas and Dean could see the real ones. And they were beautiful. They were large and powerful and strong. He knew that if he wanted to, he could fly to Heaven and back in an instant. He opened his eyes to see Dean's beaming smile and Sam's frown of concern. Sam was now standing up, wary of everyone in the room.

"You fixed my wings? Why?" Cas asked.

"As a thank you. And a promise."

"For what?" Sam asked.

"Dean owes you for the countless times, you've saved his life. We are now thanking you in the best way we came up with." Cas had thought nothing of all those times he had saved Sam or Dean. It became instinct, a responsibility not a debt that had to be repaid. "And to show you that we mean no harm. To you," He looked directly at Sam, "or you. Neither humanity, nor Heaven, nor Hell. We only want to speak with our brother." Sam had never been more hurt. Not even the times when he was being tortured by Lucifer in The Cage. The fact that Dean was calling someone else his brother, killed him more than a knife to the back. This wasn't Dean anymore, but he had to try to get him back.

"Dean? Dean, please listen. Fight this. Please. I know the real you is in there somewhere." Sam begged.

"Of course he is. Sam, you're not understanding... your brother 'Dean' is not gone. And not being controlled. There is no more Dean and Amara. There is the both of us, together. We are one, Sam. We are still your brother, and we are still the Darkness. It's like being blended together. We share memories, thoughts, feelings. The fraternal love Dean has for you, we have. The gratefulness Amara has for you, we share. There isn't the two of us anymore. There is just us." He looked sorrowfully at Sam. "And I hope you can try to understand that."

And with that, he disappeared.

"Dean! Dean!" Sam yelled at the thin air. He kept calling for his brother. But he was gone.

 _ **SPNSPNSPNSPNSPN**_

 _It was rather beautiful up here._ _I can see why they are so proud of it. He had been here only once in his memories. But it wasn't the same place as last time. Which he didn't like that much. But now it was different. But that does not mean that he did not appreciate it._

 _"Winchester? Dean Winchester?" One of them asked._

 _"Hello. Yes, I know. 'What are you doing here? You're not dead or an Angel of the Lord?' - was probably what you were planning on saying, yes?." He smiled at the Angel. "Ingrid."_

 _"How do you know-?"_

 _"I just do."_

 _"What are you doing in Heaven?" She questioned him whilst a small army of Angels appeared behind her._

 _"I came to ask you a question."_

 _"Funny. We were planning on asking you questions. Like: Where is Castiel, or the scribe Metatron? Why did Castiel brutally slaughter Hannah, Efram and Jonah?"_

 _"I could tell you, but I'm looking for an answer not questions."_

 _"We're not letting you leave until you do answer. And you will." She nodded at two angels at her side. "Take him to the jail."_

 _"Heaven's jail I presume." He flashed a cocky smile to the impolite celestial being. "Fine then. I will answer your questions. But only - if you answer one of mine first." Ingrid signaled the angels to halt and refrain from handling him. "Then no one gets hurt."_

 _"Very well. What is your question?"_

 _"Does any Angel know where God is?"_

 _"Why do you need to know where-"_

 _"Answers first, then your questions."_

 _"No, ever since Castiel killed Hannah and the Darkness has been released; I've been in charge. And I've asked every Angel I could. No one knows."_

 _"Thank you." Dean replied with sincerity._

 _"Now , answer our questions."_

 _"Right. Where's Castiel? Not telling, he's not the bad guy. Metatron: I know where but I'd prefer not to tell you. Why did Castiel kill three of your angels? Easy, he didn't mean to. He was under a witch's spell. However, he is not any more. He told me that he killed one in self-defence and the other angel killed Hannah. Castiel killed the other one in a fight, once Hannah was dead." He answered rapidly. "Oh, and why I'm looking for your old man: I just want to talk."_

 _"You are different, Dean Winchester." She responded. "You are changed."_

 _"Yes. Yes I am."_

 _"But we can not let you go." She explained. "You know the location of two rogue angels. Take him to a cell."_

 _"How about I help you instead?" Before any angel could get to him, he created another bright light. Much brighter and much more powerful than the one before. This was larger and spread further. Unfortunately, it also took more power. Once, it was done. He stumbled again. Losing grip on everything._

 _"What did you do?" Ingrid asked._

 _"I fixed Heaven." He replied weakly._

 _All the angels began to test their wings and to their astonishment, they were fixed. Not a single feather was out of place. He had done what no angel could do. He healed Heaven. He made the broken promise land whole again. The way it was before Metatron caused the angels to fall, before Castiel attempted to become God and devastated it, before even Michael's dictatorial regime. It was as whole and holy and beautiful as it had been when God himself created it from nothing._

 _Ingrid's delight was shown. "You fixed Heaven. How can we repay you?"_

 _Before Dean could answer, he fell. He lost grip on Heaven, reality, fantasy. It all just left. And since becoming one with Amara, he had never been so worried to be consumed by darkness._

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 **So? What did you think? I really hoped you liked it because you guys mean the world to me. You make my days and everything feel so much better. Your reviews, follows and favourites light up my day when I wake up and see I've got like 10 emails from Fanfiction. Keep reviewing, folowing and favouriting. And please please please keep reading. Because, you guys are awesome and you are my inspiration. Thank you.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello. I haven't updated because of my German and Italian speaking mock exams. I had to revise for them. And the past few days have been a bit rough for me, I fell back a bit and broke down. I thought I was getting better but evidently not. I really didn't want to disappoint you but here it is. At really early in the morning for me in the UK. It's at times like these that I am so thankful for you readers, the SPN family and the ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING campaign. I use all that and remind myself of the person who I want to be. Thank you all for everything. Review, follow, favourite but most importantly... Always Keep Fighting xxx**

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 _Before Dean could answer, he fell. He lost grip on Heaven, reality, fantasy. It all just left. And since becoming one with Amara, he had never been so worried to be consumed by darkness._

 _He didn't know where he physically was. Spiritually he soon became overwhelmed by the Darkness and Dean was once again happy to be welcomed into Amara's grasp. He felt her reach out to him as soon as he stopped falling._

 _"Why?" She questioned. Though he felt she already knew the answer. "You were hurt. You had just crawled up from Hell, why fix Heaven? What have those whiny, stuck-up sons and daughters of my son ever done to help you? I know how much you consider the angel Castiel to be family, but they are not."_

 _"I repaid a debt. I have done so much to assist in the destruction of Heaven. I thought it would do good to repent. And though, they know not where he is, we have their thanks. Perhaps even their trust."_

 _"The angels are siding with me?"_

 _"Yes. When I was returning Heaven to its former glory, I showed the angels there your true purpose. They understand, they understand your pain and heartbreak and they also wish to have words with their father."_

 _"You are incredible." He felt her touch and her embrace. "And so weak."_

 _"I know." He replied meekly. "Healing Heaven is more strenuous than I imagined. Particularly when I was already weakened. But I had multiple reasons for returning there."_

 _"I know." She_ replied, _her presence itself was comfort enough to heal him. "Is he safe? Is he free?"_

 _"Yes," Dean replied smiling, "I released him into Heaven. He deserved it. After all those years in The Cage. Adam should be safe now in Heaven."_

 _"You care, so much, about so much. It is your greatest strength."_

 _"It is also, as you well know, my greatest weakness. Affairs of the heart and emotions can sometimes cloud judgments I know that. But with you, my judgment has never been clearer." He felt happy. Truly happy and peaceful. All that pain that had been destroying him from the inside out for years had diminished. He knew the feeling of it, he recognised it. But it no longer bothered him. And he wondered how he ever could repay her for that gift._

 _"The next plan?"_

 _"Metatron?" Dean suggested._

 _"The Scribe of God? Why would he know where my brother is?"_

 _"God told the Scribe everything he ever knew or did, even about you. Your brother told him that he had to sacrifice you in order to make creation. Perhaps, he knows where God chooses to hide?"_

 _"Perhaps. But your corporeal form alludes me, I know not where it is. We must find it immediately, to prevent any further harm." She argued. She cared about finding her brother, but not at the cost of Dean._

 _"My body, will still be there when we find it. Metatron might not. We must strike fast. I will go with you."_

 _"He will not be able to see you."_

 _"No. But he will know I'm there."_

Sam had been searching for hours, trying to find out where Dean could have mysteriously vanished too. Cas helped as well, each trying to find information about bonding of people and powers the Darkness might have. Whilst this took place, Cas couldn't help but admire his new wings. They looked just like they did before the fall. They were once again beautiful and he remained speechless about this act done by Dean for more than one reason. After the third hour of combing through books, information and anything else they could get their hands on, Sam suggested to Cas to check Heaven. Now that Cas' wings were no longer broke, Sam thought the trip would take very little time. He could fly to Heaven instantaneously, though he remained gone for hours.

When Cas suddenly appeared in the bunker, Sam questioned him immediately. "Where have you been?"

Sam couldn't tell if Cas was happy or confused or hurt. "Dean was in Heaven."

"Was? Where is he now?"

"I don't know. No angel does."

"What took you so long?"

Cas sighed and took in a deep breath. "Dean... fixed Heaven..."

"Dean... fixed Heaven...?" Sam echoed. "H-how, why?"

"I don't know." Replied Cas. "But this is much worse than we previously thought."

"What do you mean?"

"Dean is powerful. Powerful enough to fix Heaven. Only something God himself can do. And apparently his sister as well. If Amara has truly bonded with Dean, and he shares her power and knowledge. Then he will also share her emotions and vice versa. They are no longer two separate people. To save Dean, we would have to hack away at them both, in order to save Dean's soul."

"Is that even possible? Even Death said the soul can't be split."

"If it's even still a soul." Cas saw Sam face of confusion and continued. "Amara is a deity like God. They do not have souls. She shares Dean's soul just as much as he shares whatever make Amara the Darkness."

"So Dean is half Dean and half Darkness?" Cas nodded. "Then that means he's still Dean. And that's where we start." Cas gave Sam a solemn look of agreement. "So what happened when Dean left."

"Ingrid said that Dean fell from Heaven. She said he looked weaker than when he had arrived. Mending Heaven must have used up an incredible amount of power and energy."

"So, if Dean fell from Heaven, wouldn't he be on Earth?"

"That would be the likeliest of scenarios."

Cas and Sam began searching the internet for any John Does anywhere in America, until he realised that Dean could have fallen anywhere on Earth. He could have fallen to India or the middle of the Atlantic ocean for all he knew.

Suddenly Cas perked up.

"Cas?"

"I'm listening to Angel Radio."

"What are they saying?"

"There is an angel, who works in a hospital in Massachusetts. She says they have just brought in a John Doe, who fits Dean's description." He listened to the radio a bit more. "And that he is not human."

"So it's him?"

"Let's check."

"Massachusetts? That's a 24 hour drive. The angels will have got to him by them." Sam said.

"It's a good thing that my wings are healed then." Cas smirked slightly. Sam grabbed his jacket from the chair just in time before Cas had grabbed Sam's arm. When Sam next opened his eyes, they were suddenly standing outside the hospital. They walked in and went straight to the lady at the front desk.

"Hello, can I help?"

"Yes. There's a John Doe here. He's my brother. Tall-ish, well shorter than me. Green eyes. Blond-ish hair. Late thirties."

"I think I know who you're talking about." She smiled.

"Can I see him?"

"Can I see yours and your brother's IDs please." Sam pulled out their fake IDs from his coat pocket and handed them to her.

"Thank you Mr Adams." She stared intensely at Dean's fake ID for longer. "His name is Dean. Lost there. January 24th? So close. Looks amazing for thirty-seven."

"Excuse me?" Cas asked.

"Sorry. The nurses and I place wagers on some John Does. Colour of their eyes before we see them, name, age, address. New York? Really? Seemed more Texas or Kansas to me. And uh birthday. I guessed early February. But at least I got his star sign right, Aquarius. Helps others, aloof, smart, never stops fighting. Am I right?"

"On the nose." Sam smiled.

"He's in ICU. Room 34."

"Thank you." Sam smiled before rushing to the lift with Cas by his side. They nearly ran to his room and would have if they hadn't been asked to show ID on multiple occasions before being allowed in to see Dean. Sam went in first and hated what he saw. He walked in to see his brother with a tube down his throat again, electrodes on his temples, a monitor showing his heart beat and brain waves, a pulse oximeter sandwiching one of his finger and his eyes closed. Sam fell down into the seat next to Dean's bed. Too many times, he had seen his brother like this. He thought it might get easier over time. But he was wrong. It just kept getting harder.

"Samuel Adams?" Sam got up and shook hands with Dean's doctor.

"Doctor, what's wrong with him?"

"Well, when he was found, he had no pulse, no heartbeat, no brainwaves. But somehow he's still alive. His chest was always moving steadily and blood is still coursing. I wish I knew what was wrong but I don't." He sighed. "He's also covered in multiple lacerations and burns to his skin, it's possible he went into shock and hasn't woken up yet."

"If he's alive, then why is all this necessary?" Cas asked gesturing to the monitors.

"I'm sorry who are-"

"He's a very close family friend. Me, him and my brother are all we have. He stays." Sam interrupted.

"Very well." The doctor shook Cas' hand and continued. "We have managed to stimulate brain waves, not as we had hoped for but still, it's better than before. He may be alive, but all this is helping him stay that way. His pulse is too low, his breathing is too slow and irregular, BP is surprisingly fine." He paused not knowing what to say or do/ "I'm sorry. I wish we knew more but..."

"Thank you." Sam said before the doctor nodded at them and left.

Sam and Cas just stared at Dean's unconscious body. Dead but still alive. Not human, but still a functioning homo sapien. What was he?

"Cas? What are the odds you can heal him?"

"Lower than the odds of us getting him out of here without anyone noticing he's gone." Cas suddenly heard Angel Radio and the door to Dean's room opened. A nurse had stepped in.

"Castiel." The male vessel nodded. "Sam Winchester."

"Who are you?"

"Ramiel. I am a watcher, I find Heavenly souls here and I choose to heal them or call a reaper."

"Were you the one who spoke on Angel Radio?"

"Yes. It is Dean Winchester isn't. Our saviour."

"Excuse me?" Sam asked.

"He saved Heaven. He showed us, what the Darkness truly wants. Why everything has happened. It was destiny."

"Wait, Angels are actually siding with the Darkness?" Castiel asked.

"And Dean Winchester."

"So what? You're going to make them your new 'Gods'?" Sam questioned Ramiel.

"If they want to. Heaven will follow Dean Winchester and the Darkness into any battle."

"Why are you here?"

He smiled. "To collect him. To bring him to Heaven so that we can find God together."

"That's what he wants? To find God?"

"Don't we all?" He now frowned. "Dean has done more for Heaven in the past 24 Earth hours than God has ever. He abandoned us. He left us when we needed him. But we don't need him anymore." He walked towards Dean's bed but was stopped by Castiel. Castiel shoved Ramiel to the ground and held the angel blade to his throat. "Do it." He encouraged. "I would rather die a martyr for Dean Winchester than watch what happens when you two try to change him."

Castiel was about to kill him. But suddenly he couldn't. Like something told him not to. "No, go back to Heaven. Or I will send you there myself." He threatened. A burst a white light escaped from the vessel's lips and the vessel was occupied only by the human's soul once had thanked him and ran off to find his family and girlfriend whom he had abandoned when the angels fell and had agreed to be a vessel.

Cas turned to Sam who was half-staring at him, half-staring at Dean.

"Do you think he needs all of this stuff?" Sam asked.

"Probably not." Cas admitted. "His body is only a vessel, a use of transportation for the Darkness and Dean to use."

"Is it damaged?"

Cas searched through the body for any wounds he can heal. "I could try to heal the burns from when he fell from Heaven. But at the most I could only minimalise them." He healed Dean's wounds as best as he could. He then turned back to Sam. "Quickly. Before more Angels or Doctors come." Cas grabbed Sam and touched Dean, transporting them precisely to Dean's room. Where they once again had to place an unconscious Dean on the bed. This was getting too repetitive.

"What are we going to do Cas?" Sam asked, staring at his brother.

"I don't know. But we will find a way Sam. There is always a way."

"Is there?" He shook his head, refusing to let tears slide down.

"So what? You're giving up?" Cas asked. He regretted it as soon as the words escaped his mouth. His face suddenly connected with Sam's fist and Cas fell back against the wall.

"Don't. You. Dare. Think. I. Will. EVER GIVE UP ON MY BROTHER." He exhaled. His anger boiling, everything little thing that has happened rose to the top and bubbled over. "I will never give up on Dean. NEVER! I am going to save my brother. No matter what."

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 **I think I'll leave it there. Sorry it took so long, but I hoped you enjoyed it. This and a couple of other future chapters have been in my mind for ages and I just wanted to make it as good as I could. I LOVE YOU GUYS! Thank you so much for everything. Review, follow, favourite or subscribe to my Youtube channel which you can find on my profile. Love you all, bye!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Hello again. Sorry this is so late but I was a bit busy and last weekend, I'm not going to lie: It was hard. I fell back into an old habit but worse than before. But I'm back and we have had a new episode! It was Awesome with a capital A! Dean admitted - SPOILERS - that he shares a bond with Amara to Sam. I kind of wish that he had a bigger reaction but what he said was so brotherly and sweet and I think I died in the BroTP feels of it all! Awwww... Anyway, hope you have fun, those going to Houscon this weekend! I only have to wait another 83 days until I get to go to my first convention! And now Jared has been confirmed! YAY! Just waiting for Misha now...**

 **Moving on. I want to thank deadone1013 and Winchester44 for your reviews! Very kind! And I also want to thank freetobescary and Димка Иванова (please tell me your username so I can shout out properly!) for commenting on my video!**

 **Please check out my YOUTUBE CHANNEL (Bekki Lou) l, and if you do, look at all my videos please! Please FAVOURITE, FOLLOW AND REVIEW! AND ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING!**

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 _"So what? You're giving up?" Cas asked. He regretted it as soon as the words escaped his mouth. His face suddenly connected with Sam's fist and Cas fell back against the wall._

 _"Don't. You. Dare. Think. I. Will. EVER GIVE UP ON MY BROTHER." He exhaled. His anger boiling, everything little thing that has happened rose to the top and bubbled over. "I will never give up on Dean. NEVER! I am going to save my brother. No matter what."_

"I'm sorry." Cas replied regaining his composure. "I shouldn't have said that. It was unnecessary and we both know it's wrong."

"No shit." Was all Sam could say. He blinked and ran his hands through his hair. Remembering all the times Dean had made fun of it and threatened to cut it all off. He also remembered Dean cutting his hair when they were younger when John was on a 'business trip as he would tell a young Sam. He was very careful, he did it exactly like Sam wanted it. Except for the first time, it was a bit disastrous, but it grew back fairly quickly. He sat down in the seat that he now kept beside Dean's bed and sighed. "Crawled up from Hell and fell from Heaven."

"He has, in the last few days alone, survived extraordinary feats. Many angels died in the fall, a human would never survive it, but-" Sam glanced worryingly, "but, he is no longer human. Or not completely."

"Half Dean, half Darkness." Sam exhaled. So much had happened to his brother. He could make a long list of causes. The Darkness was released because Dean got the mark in order to kill Abaddon, he got the mark because Crowley got to him, Crowley got to him because he was on his own, he was on his own because Sam hadn't stopped him from walking away, Sam hadn't stopped him from walking away because Dean had let him be possessed by a psycho angel - who did redeem himself eventually, Sam was possessed because he nearly died completely the trials in order to close the gates of Hell which Dean would've done if Sam hadn't convinced him otherwise, Sam convinced Dean to let him do the trials secretly to make up for not looking for him in Purgatory, he ended up in Purgatory because of the leviathans, the leviathans were let out because Cas tried to become God, Cas tried to become God because Sam had taken Heaven's leader Michael to The Cage with him, Sam went into The Cage because he was the one to let Lucifer out, he let Lucifer out by accident when he sought revenge on Lilith for killing Dean and sending him to Hell, Dean went to Hell because he had to protect Sam, he had to protect Sam because it was his job and it was what Dad had told him to do.

Sam sighed after all that whizzed through his mind instantly. In the end, anything that had ever happened to Dean has always been because of Sam or Dad. Dean had to look out for him as Dad drilled it into his head from the moment Sam was born. If Sam was never born, never made to be Lucifer's vessel then Dean maybe could've lived a good life. A proper life. Where he doesn't die and comes back. Where he dies of old age with his old wife, with children and grandchildren, and a 1966 Chevrolet Impala to pass on through those generations. All those times, Dean had left the car to Sam breaks his heart. It was his baby, the most precious thing in the world to him - aside from his brother of course. Every time he drove it, without Dean passed out in the passenger seat after a rigorous hunt, felt wrong. It should be Dean smiling and driving his baby, listening to music that most teenagers today won't even have heard of, and Sam riding shotgun looking up lore or watching his brother enjoy the music. Nowadays, it was a rare sight.

"What are we going to do Cas?"

"I wish I knew. The best idea I have, is to summon the Darkness but I have no idea how to do so."

"Could it be in the Book of the Damned?" Sam asked.

"Possibly. But that means-"

"That means making another deal with the King of Hell."

"And his mother."

"Yep... When did that become a normal saying for us?"

 _Dean had gone with Amara to find Metatron. It took no time at all to locate him, he stands out from all other humans as he has a smidge of grace left in his body that Cas forgot to drain out of him._

 _"Metatron." They spoke. But he only heard Amara's voice._

 _"Ah... God's sister. I was wondering when I would be meeting you." He smirked._

 _"This is the former scribe of God? He looks like a vagabond." She commented to Dean who smirked._

 _"What do you want?" Metatron asked._

 _"God's location."_

 _"Sorry, can't tell ya."_

 _"So you know?" She pressed. Dean tried to take a visual form so that Metatron could fear him. He began appearing. Metatron blinked at what he saw: Dean Winchester bearing the Mark of Cain again and coming out of thin air. Right next to the being he wants gone or dead more than anyone, even Metatron himself._

 _"Winchester."_

 _He acknowledged the former writer of the word of God. "Metatron."_

 _He saw the mark on Dean's arm and nodded to it. "I thought your brother took your tattoo away? Wanted it back? I'd be happy to kill you again if you're that suicidal." He joked._

 _Dean pushed the joke aside. "Where is God?"_

 _"Seriously? You're working with the- oh... I see..." Dean tilted his head. "You and the Darkness have a thing going on do ya? Does your brother and Asstiel know about this?"_

 _"What they know is not what I need. I need to know if you know where God is?"_

 _"Sorry. Promised I wouldn't give it up."_

 _"So you do know then?" Amara repeated. Dean stared the the ex-angel. He was pathetic, traitorous and would do anything to screw them over to keep himself alive._

 _"No. He doesn't know." Dean murmured. Amara was about to rebuttal but he gave her look that made her understand everything._

 _"What have you two got some freaky ESP or something? And I do know, but it'll cost-"_

 _"That's funny. Because you said the same thing about trying to remove the mark but you didn't know that either." He turned once again to Amara. "He has no idea of God's location. I am sorry."_

 _"It's okay, Dean." She turned back to face Metatron. Whose face was full of fear even more now, as his initial plan to bullshit his way through again had gone to dust. "But what do we do about him?" Her expression turned sour. "He killed you."_

 _"And you, your mark brought me , killing him is what he wants." Dean replied. "We'll serve him under the judgement of Heaven and see what they deem suitable." Metatron was scared. And he was right to be. Until Dean began to flicker, even Amara was losing sight of him._

 _"Dean?"_

 _"Amara?"_

 _"You're returning to the body." She sighed as she saw him begin to fade. "Initiate the next plan. I'll see you soon."_

And with that Dean's eyes flew open.

"Dean! Dean, are you alright?" Sam asked immediately, forgetting that he was no longer truly 'Dean'. He watched Dean as his wounds healed, his burns faded and his cuts sealed up. He hadn't been able to do that since he became a demon. A knight of Hell. A part of him felt like falling to the ground and sobbing because he finally realised that he had once again lost his brother, the other part felt like punching him in the face and beat the living crap out of him. But he did neither. He stood there and watch Dean heal and then stand up.

Cas came running towards the room, hearing Sam's calls to Dean and assumed that he was waking. He merely stood at the door frame and waited.

"Hello Castiel. I see you are pleased with the full restoration of your wings." He raised his head, trying not to show his secret gratitude. "Hello Sam." Sam was silent, he didn't know what to say. He didn't know how much Dean there was left. "We know that this is hard for you, part of us is your brother. But this is better. This is necessary."

"Necessary? Is that Dean or Amara saying that?"

Dean's body sighed and stood there, shaking their head at Sam. "You still can't understand it, can you? It is no longer just 'Dean'! As much as there is no more just 'Amara'. We are one. And together, is the way we want to be. We only hope that you can one day understand that and accept it. Otherwise, it will be too painful for you to bear. And you will do something drastic again."

"Like what?"

"To name one. Going to talk to Lucifer."

"To help save the world."

"To save your brother!" They rebuked. "You don't set out to save the world, you save your world. Your brother is the world to you. You mix them up too much Sam and one day, that is going to cost you."

Sam didn't care anymore. He did punch him/them/whatever in the face. They just took it, didn't leave a scratch, didn't even flinch.

"Did that help you?"

Sam replied with only a scowl. Cas knew that he wasn't a part of the conversation but decided to make himself a part of it. He pretended like Amara hadn't asked a question and asked his own: "Why are you looking for God?"

"To talk to him-"

"To kill him." Sam corrected them. "'To settle the oldest score'."

"You misunderstand what we want Sam." They replied and turned to the door. Cas moved out of the way for them to walk out of the room and down one of the long, winding hallways of the Men of Letters' bunker.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yes. You do." They turned around and faced Sam.

"Then help us to understand what we do not." Cas replied sarcastically.

"God locked the Darkness away because he feared her powers. That she would be able to make a more perfect creation than him. So he created the archangels, locked away the Darkness and created man. What we want, is what we deserve. But that will not start until words with God are exchanged. We must speak with our brother."

"God is not Dean's brother." That hurt Sam more than anything. "I am."

"He is our brother now. We became one. He is 'Dean's' brother as much as you are the brother of 'Amara'." The mere thought disgusted him.

"Is it reversible?" Cas asked with small hope.

"Not to our knowledge no. We are sorry." The worst thing was that Sam and Cas could tell that he/they/whatever truly meant that. Perhaps that was Dean's half speaking. "Now. I must speak business with you." Sam and Cas became very confused, very quickly. "You know of our search for God. And you know of a way, in which we can find God. I merely ask for your permission Sam first."

"My permission for what?"

"For me to borrow it."

"Borrow what?" Cas asked.

"Sam knows." Sam's mind was racing until he thought of what the Darkness and Dean were looking for. "I don't have it anymore."

"Have what?" Cas asked. Standing there awkwardly, more so than usual.

"Dean's amulet. The one you used when you went looking for God." He turned back to his former brother. "He threw it away. You know that."

"We also know that when he left, he retrieved it from the trash. You have it Sam, asking is just a formality. I can easily retrieve it without you."

Sam was silent so Cas filled in the blank. "You got it back?"

"I had to. In case he ever wanted it again." Sam admitted.

"May I have it?" Sam looked into his eyes. Not their eyes because they didn't belong to whatever bonded form they were. They belonged solely to his big brother Dean. The green eyes that force him to remember them cold and unblinking when he was dragged to Hell and when they weren't green but black. For Sam to see Dean's green eyes had never been so important to him before, but then it meant that he was there, that he was with him, that he was okay, that he was not a demon. But now, those weren't the same eyes, they didn't look at him the same way. And it broke his heart.

"You'd take it anyway even if I said no." Sam murmured, too sad to look him in the eye again.

"You may not think much of it. But I do appreciate you giving us permission."

They walked into Sam's room and he and Cas followed in. They saw them rooting in Sam''s memory box, where he kept photos of him and Dean or mum and dad, Dean's old lighter, one of the army men he and Dean used to play with, drawings he had once made, his soccer trophy that turned out dad had kept and the fake amulet the girls at the school made. Underneath all of that, in a small box, he kept Dean's real necklace. He never understood its power to detect God's presence. He never tried to. It was only supposed to be a present to his dad, that Bobby had let him have. But he cared about his brother more, the person who had truly been there for him. The girls at the school were right, it was a symbol of their love. But it was just a necklace and finally, Sam let it go.

"Thank you."

"Don't expect it to work. It didn't work for me."

"God was not looking for you Castiel. He didn't need to. He does, however, need to speak with us." They began walking away again.

"Wait! Where are you going?" Sam asked, catching up with him.

"To find God. Where? Can you sense him already?"

"I'm beginning to sense his location."

"Then take us as well."

"Sam-"

"No!" Sam shouted. It made Cas flinch but they looked almost impressed. "You're using my brother's body. You are my brother, and if what you're saying is true; that Dean is still in there and still cares about me. Then you will take us with you."

They smirked. And looked around the bunker. "We have always admired this place. Both of us. Dean called it home. He called his car home. He called the both of you - his family - his home. If we were to let you get harmed. Then that will be on us. That will affect us. You might not care about you dying but we do. We still care, Sammy, Cas, we still care." That did shock both Sam and Cas. That was the most emotion that they had seen come out of them since they realised they were now them not Dean. "But, if you insist. You may accompany us on the search for God. Only because we want you both to truly understand."

It was Sam's turn to show gratitude. "Thank you."

Dean's body grinned slightly. Then suddenly, they all were no longer in the bunker.

* * *

 **I hope to update again this weekend and I bear good news... I have a week off! UPDATES FOR EVERYONE! YOU GET AN UPDATE, YOU GET AN UPDATE, YOU'RE ALL GETTING UPDATES! Sorry... bit over-dramatic there, huh? Like I keep saying, FOLLOW FAVOURITE AND REVIEW! Click the buttons below and hit a few keys. It only takes a brief moment away from your lives and it really does brighten up my days. Especially when I get those really shitty days like I have quite often now... But don't worry ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Hello people of - probably not - Earth! I am now off school so I hope to update this story a couple more times this week. More so than I would do if I had school. But I also kind of need to do homework, and I'm assuming I will be getting addicted to a new show as well as fangirling of the usual; supernatural, Harry Potter, Sherlock, etc.**

 **Thank you to Winchester44 and babyreaper, I hope I don't disappoint you with this one. BUT AN EXTRA SPECIAL THANK YOU TO FREETOBESCARY! Your comment made my day. So thank you so so much. And I try hardest each and everyday to keep smiling. So to my SPN family, ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING because YOU ARE NOT ALONE! **

**FOLLOW FAVOURITE AND REVIEW! ENJOY!**

* * *

 _They smirked. And looked around the bunker. "We have always admired this place. Both of us. Dean called it home. He called his car home. He called the both of you - his family - his home. If we were to let you get harmed. Then that will be on us. That will affect us. You might not care about you dying but we do. We still care, Sammy, Cas, we still care." That did shock both Sam and Cas. That was the most emotion that they had seen come out of them since they realised they were now them not Dean. "But, if you insist. You may accompany us on the search for God. Only because we want you both to truly understand."_

 _It was Sam's turn to show gratitude. "Thank you."_

 _Dean's body grinned slightly. Then suddenly, they all were no longer in the bunker._

They weren't anywhere. They were in the blank spaces between nothingness. They all felt it. But unable to describe it. It's hard to describe the feeling of nothingness. Is it a feeling or is it the lack of feeling? Was this what the empty would be? The blankness between heaven and hell. They stayed in this until they landed back at the Mexican restaurant from when Dean had summoned Death, prepared to kill Sam and had the Mark removed from his arm. Except those events had led to the release of the Darkness, Dean and Amara being bound by the mark and Dean being given the Mark again. Sam saw that their lives were on repeat no matter what but the second time round always ended up worse.

"Where are we?" Cas asked. He had never been here before, and didn't understand its importance.

A voice came out from the closed down restaurant. "It's the last place we know God was." The figure Sam and Cas assumed to be Amara's latest form walked out towards them.

"Amara?"

"He still does not understand." Her body walked towards Dean's. They both looked calm and peaceful. They did not look like they were on the warpath for capital G: God. They held each other close. His arms around her waist and her hands cupping his face. It didn't appear to be like love or lust. But something more. Something above the feelings of a mere human. Sam and Cas became increasingly uncomfortable. Which they thought - given their current situation - would be impossible to increase the awkwardness. "There is no Amara or Dean. There is just us both, together. Forever."

"God, it sounds worse when she says it." Sam mumbled to Cas.

The two of them pretended as though they didn't hear Sam's comment or Cas' sigh. Her arms snaked down from his face, but one held tightly onto his side. As if to show, that they were together now. That even though he loves his friends, they will never be as close or as bonded as they are. "We must work our way to God's latest location. Using the amulet, we will be able to tell where and possibly when God was there at the time."

"How do you know God was here?"

"You can't sense his lingering presence?" They asked.

"Why here? Why Nebraska?"

"When the Darkness was released, God was here." They replied. "God was here, before the Darkness was released. It took time to realise the mysterious presence was his."

Dean's body spoke. "He remembers, when driving here, that unusual feeling. As if he knew he wasn't alone. It was dismissed as there were many unusual feelings that the Mark gave off."

"You knew God was with you?" Sam asked. He wondered why he had never said or even mentioned the fact that he suspected God had been stalking him. His brother's body let go of Amara's and walked towards Sam.

"Hold out your hand." Sam gave a look of caution but then saw his/their/whatever's face and held out his hand. They dropped the amulet into his hand. It was warm. Cas was right all those years ago. That it would burn hot in God's presence. It was warm from God's presence here and that was last year. He wondered what its temperature would be if God was here. Most likely unbearable. "Do you sense his presence now?" Sam nodded. He turned to Cas, who also nodded.

"My father has been here. His power, it's now small, but it's here. What remains of his presence is now small."

He took the amulet back from Sam's palm. "God leaves a trail, he is not undetectable. He is impossible for people and Demons to detect and nearly so for Angels. But we can. It's almost as if we're magnets. The light and the dark are opposites. It's like we're pulling closer towards his location. Being drawn to it. And now with this," he held up the amulet, "we can make that location precise."

"And this was where it sent you?"

"No." Amara spoke. "This is where we last knew. We both sensed his presence when the Mark was removed and the lock opened. He was here. Now we can work our way to him."

"Which is where?" Cas asked.

They both closed their eyes and felt the heat of the amulet. They were searching for his location but not physically. To Sam and Cas, it looked as though they were praying. But they knew that it wasn't the case. They both suddenly chuckled.

"You know where he is?"

"Yes." They spoke together. "He is waiting for us."

"Where?"

"He is at the very place where you and your brother thought he would be, but that was nearly six years ago now." Amara's form spoke.

Dean's body looked Sam dead in the eye. "Where the final battle went down."

"Stull Cemetery." Cas said.

"God is at Stull Cemetery?"

"Rather ironic. In fact, when you and your brother needed him most, he decides to show up. But only when he wishes to, six years later. Which to beings like us, is a forever and an instant." They replied.

"He's waiting for you?"

"He's finally ready. He had finished preparing. He knows it is time to face us." She turned to him and began and sent her thoughts to him.

 _'Leave them here.'_

 _'I promised them.'_

 _'They could get hurt.'_

 _'Both we and they know that. I do not wish for them to come. But they are adamant. They have wished to leave him alone and are not prepared to even now.'_

 _'Very well. I hope we know what we're doing.'_

 _'As do I.'_

They looked away from one another and back at Sam and Cas. They were all suddenly transported to the gates to Stull Cemetery instantaneously. It almost when unbeknownst to Sam that anything had happened.

 _"Old memories."_ Amara looked at him while they walked through the gates.

 _"Not particularly pleasant ones."_

 _"You find comfort in 'assbutt'. Despite your wondering of its effectiveness at the time, you often find it amusing."_

He chuckled. Making Cas and Sam curious.

"Are you two talking?" Sam asked. "Psychically?"

"We are linked."

"In every sense of the meaning."

"So when we're speaking, you are talking between you?"

"You did it all the time with your brother." They replied. "Not psychically but in other ways. You would exchange glances that meant certain things. You did not need words to communicate and neither do we." They both halted very promptly. "He is here."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive... Can you not feel him? His light, his power, its more than I remembered it was last."

"Where is he?"

A light descended from nowhere and hit the earth with such force, it blew Sam and Cas down. The light was so strong, so opposite to the Darkness yet similar in every way. It almost molded, into the shape of a human man. Again, incompatible to Amara but alike still. They watched as God appeared before them. But Sam and even Cas had to shield their eyes from God's heavenly apparition until it had taken full human form. They were in shock when they finally saw who God was. They quickly got their feet and stood by Dean and Amara, who had not moved an inch when it felt like God had smote the ground they were on.

"You. You're God?"

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 **Sorry to leave it there. But I hope to update some time tomorrow or the day after at the most. So you won't be held in suspense very long. I hope you can forgive me! But the next few chapters are very important to me and I want to do them right. I only hope that you like them. Please follow, favourite and review because I strive off those. And don't forget to check out my YouTube channel! Love you all!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Howdy y'all, how you doin'? Wow, two American accents in one sentence. Now all I need to do is go there. But I won't until next year... Oh well. Never mind. Did you guys see the latest episode - SPOILERS = The boys' reactions to Cas! Oh, it was tooooooooooooo much! I seriously couldn't deal with it!**

 **Now. I know I left you in suspense from the last chapter and some of you have been guessing. All will be revealed in this chapter. By the way, thanks for all the reviews, follows and favourites. I hope I won't disappoint you all with this latest instalment. This is another important chapter of this story for me, it took me ages to come up with it in my head and write it down as well, or type it down really...**

 **Anyhow... FOLLOW, FAV, REVIEW AND CHECK OUT MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL! PLEASE SUBSCRIBE! I'M WORKING ON MORE FANVIDS!**

 **Now - enjoy...**

* * *

 _A light descended from nowhere and hit the earth with such force, it blew Sam and Cas down. The light was so strong, so opposite to the Darkness yet similar in every way. It almost moulded, into the shape of a human man. Again, incompatible to Amara but alike still. They watched as God appeared before them. But Sam and even Cas had to shield their eyes from God's heavenly apparition until it had taken full human form. They were in shock when they finally saw who God was. They quickly got their feet and stood by Dean and Amara, who had not moved an inch when it felt like God had smote the ground they were on._

 _"You. You're God?"_

Sam and Cas were in awe. They couldn't believe their eyes.

"Hello Sam, Castiel."

Sam was speechless, so Cas said what he needed to be said to his negligent father. "You-you've been God, this... this whole time?"

"No. Not always. Not in this form at least." God spoke.

"You're possessing him then?" Sam asked.

"He did have to agree to it. And not until after everything happened."

"When you told Dean where I was, were you God or were you Chuck?"

"The honest answer?" God wearing Chuck asked. "There was never really any Chuck."

Sam and Cas spoke in unison: "What?"

"Chuck is who he believes he is."

"Then who is he?" Sam asked.

"Adam."

"Our brother?"

"No." He sighed. "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.' - The First man."

Cas couldn't believe his never noticed. He had been in the presence of the first man and woman of God's creation. "Adam and Eve."

"Yes, you have already met his wife."

"That was actually Eve?"

"Yes. When she left the Garden, she became a source of sins and the mother of all monsters. All creatures I had banished, she let into the Garden. It was tainted, so I closed it with her inside. I believe you all know it as Purgatory."

"Purgatory? As in Purgatory, Purgatory?" Sam asked in disbelief that his brother had spent a year in the Garden of Eden without knowing it. "But it-"

"It looks different now yes. As I said; it was tainted."

"Why did you resurrect Adam then?"

"Because there are few people who can withstand my power. He has been holding on for a few years now."

"But why?"

"I needed him, a corporeal form to use while everything began to happen. I needed to keep watch, from afar of course." He walked closer to Sam and Cas - completely ignoring Amara and Dean - and making them very uncomfortable. Cas had finally met his father and he truly didn't know what to do, now knowing how close he had been to him all these years. "So that I could finish this. Once and for all." He finally turned around to face them. Their faces so stoic.

"Brother." Spoke Amara softly.

"Hello sister." He looked directly at Dean now. He sighed, and smiled. "Dean Winchester."

"God."

"I see you've changed. That my sister has changed you." Dean refused to show emotion. He simply held his head high to the man he had been questioning his whole life. "Dean, I need to talk to you. Alone."

"You will not speak to him. Not without me." Said Amara, keeping her distance to Dean as minimal as possible.

"Or me." Sam said.

"Or me." Then Cas repeated.

"Very well." God snapped his fingers.

And they all froze still. Like perfect statues. Except for Dean Winchester.

He suddenly felt free. Like a great weight had been lifted off of him. He realised quickly what had happened.

"Yes. I broke the bond between you and my sister." God spoke. "Temporarily, of course. I'm sure she will try to reconnect later."

"What did you do?" He asked, his face flooded with the emotions he couldn't feel previously.

"I stopped everything. They are paused. They are not growing old, nor the flowers and the trees any taller, neither my creations live but they do not die. I have simply stopped them until I choose to resume everything again."

"You son of a bitch." Dean was back. God only chuckled at this obvious show of disrespect. "What?"

"Apologies. But I made a bet with 'Chuck' that 'son of a bitch' would be the first thing you would say to me after asking me what I've done."

"Great. Hope you won big bucks with the voice inside your head. Now let them all go."

"No, Dean. I need to speak with you privately." He strolled around the three figures surrounding him and Dean. Taking in each detail. "Without my sister, or your family distracting you."

"Fine." He replied grinding his teeth, barely opening his mouth. He looked over to his frozen brother and friend. Their stances showed they were protective of Dean. He remembered everything that had happened but it was weird. Like it was him, but like he was watching him on television. Very similar to being possessed but nothing like being a demon. Yet another weird feeling that's indescribable to add to the list. "Let's talk then."

"Thank you." He sighed. "Do you wish to stay here and forlornly look at your brother and two of my kin. Or would you like to walk whilst we speak?"

"Let's walk." He grumbled. He moved to where God was standing and they began to walk from through the graveyard and onto the fields past it. It was a very beautiful day in Lawrence, Kansas. But, of course, Dean didn't care or even notice. He was too freaked out that God was standing right next to him, wearing an old friend of his that missing years ago, wanting to talk to him. He was about speak but he didn't know how to start. Though he didn't need to worry about it.

"I know you have some questions. I will answer them, and whilst I answer them, I suspect I will also be able to tell you what I wish to tell you."

"You said you're possessing Chuck - Adam or whoever it is."

"I thought that much was obvious."

"Yeah, well. You said you needed him because everything began to happen. No offence, but what the hell does that mean. You decided that the end of the Apocalypse was the beginning of your usefulness on Earth?"

"It is more complicated than that."

"Then start explaining fast."

"Yes, I chose not to assist in the apocalypse because it was a part of a grander plan. A more ultimate plan. It needed to happen and end exactly how it did. I thank you for that."

"But you told Michael that he would have to take his 'sword' and kill Lucifer."

"No. I did not. He assumed it was what I wanted him to do when I created a weapon. He believed that he had to take it and end the fight with his brother. But that was not the original intention."

"That wasn't the reason I'm alive?"

"No. I created you with a much higher purpose Dean. One that would take millenniums to plan and years to execute perfectly."

"So, everything that happened after we stopped the Apocalypse. That was all a part of yet another plan for me?"

"Yes."

"Everything? Cas' God complex, Sam's soul, leviathans' escape, going to Purgatory, trying to close the gates of Hell, getting the mark, becoming a demon and releasing the Darkness was all a part of your plan?" Dean stopped walking and shouted.

"Yes. I know it was hard. But that was what you had to endure to make you strong enough."

"Bobby's death? Kevin's, Charlie's? They all died because of me?"

"I'm sorry."

"Why? Why did I need to be strong?"

"Because I need you, to help me with the fight against the Darkness." He put his hand on Dean's shoulder. "I took 'Chuck' to watch over you and make sure the dominoes fell precisely in the right way. Otherwise the Darkness never would have been released properly."

"Properly?"

"I have the power to open the lock to the hole I banished her to. However, I needed time to prepare for her."

"How much time?"

"Since Lucifer fell."

"So millennia?"

"When I gave Lucifer the mark, I watched it corrupt him. The seeds of doubt that had already been planted in his head by chance, were watered by her constant presence. He gave it to came in order to corrupt humanity. I sent my son down to Hell and created a weapon that will - in time help me fight against the Darkness."

"Me? I'm the weapon?"

"Yes."

"Let me guess. I'm your weapon. Your perfect vessel."

"That is why Michael believed you to be his sword. If you are strong enough to contain me, then you can contain him."

It took Dean a moment to get a grip on the situation. Once again, history had repeated itself and he was in the centre of an unbelievable choice because of a massive, biblical, apocalyptic, end is nigh fight between siblings.

It took some time but he eventually found the words. "If you wanted to possess me, why go through all this? Why did I have to be strong? Why did all those people have to die because of me?"

"Because I can not possess someone who doesn't possess the mark."

"The mark? Why? It's your sister's stamp."

"It is both of ours. We are the marks and we both need them to obtain the host's body. Her ideal one is any strong female form, after all, I based man on my own image and I used my sister as inspiration for woman."

"Then why do you specifically need me?"

"Because you are stronger than her, you mean something. You are perfection."

"Now that's where I have to stop you. I am not perfection. I have done a shitload of crap that's bad in my life. I've killed, tortured, lied, blasphemed, stolen, more than likely committed adultery, lusted. Pride, gluttony, whatever. I've done it all. I am not perfect."

"You were in your previous life. But you have adapted to modern day perfection."

"Previous life?"

"You do not remember? My son. I must remind you." He put his hand to Dean's forehead and suddenly he was overcome by memories of a man who looks nothing like him and events he knows of but doesn't know them as himself. He fell to his knees at the strength of the memories. "You remember?"

"Jesus, that hurt." He said regaining his bearings. "Jesus..." He repeated. "Jesus... Am I Jesus?"

"You were." God admitted. Dean felt like he was going to be sick. He had so many memories of another life lived; they couldn't belong to him. "Now you are Dean Winchester."

"God sacrificed his only son."

"Yes."

"But he was a representation of God to his creation."

"Yes."

"So, that makes me..."

"Me. Yes. But you are human. The last human I created. True perfection." He sighed, knowing the truth was finally out. "I hid you in Heaven, somewhere I knew no angel could find you until it was time. Then they made your parents meet. They had you and my angels and former angels gave you your brother Sam." He looked back in the distance to the graveyard. It was far away but they could still see the three of them standing there.

"So my personality, my traits, my characteristics... That's all you?"

"I created you exactly how you are, yes. Though no, they are not my own traits."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why does there need to be a fight? Why do you and Amara have to have a final showdown? Why does Earth have to get involved? Why do humans have to suffer for what you are trying to clean up?"

"I see you've spent a lot of time talking with my sister."

"We were bonding."

God chuckled. "Light and dark are too contrasting, there has always been a struggle between the two. But eventually, the light must overcome the darkness."

"Why? What makes the light good and the dark bad?"

"Because from the darkness, come monsters and sins and chaos. The light shines goodness upon creation."

"Did you try to make me this rebellious or is that my personality breaking free and not complicit to dick father?"

"I wanted you to be a warrior. A hero. A hero must have flaws just as a villain must be heroic."

"Yes. But you should know, that I have changed you since your last life."

"So Jesus, I wasn't always like this?"

"No, you have modernised and changed with the times." His eyes shifted. God was waiting but Dean didn't know what to reply with anymore. "Dean?" He looked up from the ground he was staring at. Despite however interested he pretended to be with it. "Will you help me with the Darkness?"

"If I say yes, then what? What will happen to Chuck when you let him go?"

"I will send him to Heaven."

"To the angels? Won't they use him, haven't they turned against you at the moment?"

"I will send him to his Heaven not the fortress I built, but here." He opened his hand and Dean saw things he couldn't believe. He saw Heaven in God's hand. "This is the Heaven I use in order to keep some of my particularly special creations safe. I even have your parents here."

"They're there? In your... hand Heaven?"

"Yes. Do you not remember when your father broke out of Hell? When he disappeared, I collected him and since he's shared a Heaven with your mother, Mary. That is why you could not find them in Heaven last time."

"Mary... Is my mum an-"

"No. She is not a reincarnation of the Virgin Mary. Though she is key and shared many characteristics with you, as you do with your father."

"Will I die? When you take over, will I ever be able to come back?"

"No. Your body will belong to me. You will have given yourself to me but I can promise to put your soul into Heaven with John and Mary as soon as you ask it, after what is to happen between myself and my sister." Dean sighed. He knew that every choice he makes there would be consequences and his sacrifice. But he couldn't leave Sammy either. Or Cas. He couldn't leave his family behind, and unprotected. "Dean?" He looked into what he would have thought were Chuck's eyes again. But they weren't, they weren't even Adam's. They belonged to God.

They both found that they had walked back towards the graveyard. They could see Sam, Cas and Amara standing there still. God stopped Dean for a moment. "May I show you something?" Dean nodded in agreement and murmured a little yes. But it was barely audible.

God stretched his hand to Dean's forehead again. Though Dean's eyes were closed, he could see what God wanted to show him. He didn't know what it was, but it was amazing. He felt amazing just seeing it. God removed his hand, and seeing Dean's slightly happy yet confused face made him smile.

"How did it feel?" He asked as they resumed walking.

Dean didn't know how to summarise it. "Pure... It felt almost... perfect? What was it? Your true form?"

"No. It was your soul."

The bluntness of the comment threw Dean off a bit. "My soul...? How...?"

"I told you Dean. You are special." He once again put his hand on Dean's shoulder, like how John used to do it. He looked Dean in the eye, with sincerity in his. "I know that it is not ideal. And it will take a lot of personal sacrifice. But I know you. You would do anything to protect my creation. I thank you for that. With me and you working together against the Darkness, she will be weaker and more willing to talk... I do not wish to kill my sister." He sighed. "But if I must do it. I will do it to protect my children. She cares for you, she will want no harm to come to you. Despite, there being none."

"So you'll also have leverage. She'll be open to negotiations."

"Precisely." He removed his hand from Dean's shoulder. "This is the option that saves more people than takes. My sister and I... I know that we will both argue and fight if there is no medium between us. You will be the barrier to prevent the chaos erupting that will surely come if we were to talk alone."

It was Dean's turn to sigh. It was time for him to make up his mind.

"Dean? May I?"

"Why do you need to ask for permission?"

"Because I also believe in Free Will." They shared a secret smirk together.

"Dean?" God asked.

Dean looked to Sam and Cas. ' _Possibly for the last time_ ' he thought. He needed to do it for them. They'd do it for him. "Promise to keep Sam, Cas and everybody safe?"

"I promise."

"Then... yes."

* * *

 **Sorry to leave it at a cliffie again but that was where I had always planned on leaving it. I hoped you liked it, I've been waiting ages for this chapter. I know it's far fetched and I can't believe I even wrote it because I one point I wouldn't even say 'son of a bitch' because I thought it was a sin against God. Now, look. But just because I write, doesn't mean I believe it. But I just think it would be an amazing story line if it did happen. Those who guessed Chuck were correct and now Rob Benedict has been confirmed for 11x20! OH MY GOD HE MIGHT ACTUALLY BE GOD! Please please please please REVIEW THIS CHAPTER! I NEED TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! FOLLOW AND FAVOURITE AT WILL!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Hello, beloved readers! I am sorry I haven't updated but this one, despite not being as long as others, took much more time to write. And maybe I would have posted it slightly earlier if I hadn't been watching the new episodes of Agent Carter, NCIS and Supernatural. Oh well. But I have to say I'm glad I took time out to watch these episodes because the Supernatural one in particular I found great. Dean is such a great fanboy. Now we just have to wait a month... again. Get ready for the hell-atus.**

 **I've been looking forward to writing this chapter and I wanted to make it good and as close to the characters as I could get. I really hope you enjoy it.**

 **IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE! I WILL BE AWAY IN ITALY FOR A SCHOOL TRIP UNTIL THE 9TH OF MARCH SO I MIGHT NOT GET A CHANCE TO UPDATE BUT I HOPE TO!**

 **FOLLOW, FAVOURITE, REVIEW, CHECK OUT MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL AND SUBSCRIBE!**

* * *

 _"Promise to keep Sam, Cas and everybody safe?"_

 _"I promise."_

 _"Then... yes."_

Abruptly, everything began again. Sam and Cas didn't realise at first of any differences as no time had passed but Amara felt disturbed. She felt cut off even. From Dean.

Dean stood there in front of God, knowing what was about to happen and he couldn't bring himself to do anything. They soon realised that he had moved as did God. Sam saw Dean and he noticed that look on his brother's face. It was a look of regret but also of bravery. He's worn this face many times before, after he had done something stupid enough to be considered suicidal in some cases in order to save someone. That usual someone being Sam. He was like this at times like when he made a deal to save him or when he was going to say yes to Michael. At times where Dean was going to die, for his brother.

Dean stared at the ground. Ignoring everyone. He heard Amara calling his name but chose to drown it out with the sound of his own pounding heartbeat. Of course he was nervous, he had a right to be. He knew the chances of truly seeing Sam or Cas again were slim. But he was doing this for them, he was doing it for everyone. If Sam could do it with Lucifer, then he could do it with God. He lifted his head up at God and saw his look. He was waiting for Dean to be ready. He knew there was nothing that could ever prepare him for this but there was more thing he needed to do. He nodded slightly at God, enough for everyone to see but not enough for everyone to notice. Dean moved his gaze to where Sam and Cas were standing. They look concerned. But when he looked at them, they did not see the person who was connected to Amara or the Darkness. They saw Dean and saw that he was back. They now looked surprised but relieved.

Dean flashed them a smile. One last time before his worst good idea yet.

All of a sudden a light burst from Chuck or really Adam's body. It was so overpowering that it knocked them all down, even Amara. All of them but one of course. The light that burst out of God's vessel blinded them all so they were incapable of seeing it enter Dean's body. They could not see the surge of power that lit up Dean's eyes or the strength of God's true vessel. When the light began to fade, all they could see was Chuck's body limp on the ground. Eyes closed, peaceful, as if he were sleeping. And then there was him. He stood prouder and bolder than before, with regality and stature. They all hastily climbed up off the floor, achy and sore from the force of the light.

"Dean?" Sam asked being the first off the floor. In order to see if his brother was alright. "Dean?"

He turned to him. There was no brotherly love left in his eyes. No willingness to protect him from anything or anyone. There was nothing. He would have said he was empty if it wasn't for the power of the confidence in his eyes. Yet there was also a sense of wisdom and sincerity there as well.

"No." He said blatantly.

Sam realised and took in what had happened. He knew Dean was crazy and reckless and suicidal. And that he did stupid things because of heroics. But he assumed even under the spell that was actually the bond between him and Amara, that he would never do something so stupid and reckless and suicidal. "No, no... No, no, no, no, no...God?" He looked back at Sam with that look which Dean gave him when the obvious answer was too hurtful. His look was genuinely empathetic. He was showing Dean's emotions to him and Sam couldn't stand it. He walked over to Chuck's still body and removed the soul. It disappeared in his hand, as if he were absorbing it.

"Why? Why did you-"

"He took it on himself."

"Why?"

"Because it was the only way. And your brother knew that."

"He... He chose this?" Sam asked.

"Like my children, I also need permission to enter a vessel. And very few are special enough to withstand me whilst I occupy their body." He saw what Sam was thinking. "No. You are not able to, Sam. You are important. You are key but you are not like your brother."

Cas had gotten up and walked to where he saw Dean and Sam talking. But the closer he got, the more wrong he realised he was. He couldn't really see Dean anymore, instead he saw his father. "...God?"

"Why do you not call me father?"

"Because you never were one." Castiel barked back. He hated the idea of his 'father' in Dean. "Not to anyone for a long time. Never once did you answer our calls, our pleas. My calls, my pleas."

"I wanted to. But there was a greater plan at work."

"This?" Sam asked. "This was your plan? You let the angels and demons start the apocalypse to possess my brother?"

"So that the fight between the light and the dark can finally end. It must. I do not want my sister to be locked away for eternity or longer." His face looked sincere. "I love my sister. Though she may not believe it."

"You're right I do not." Amara appeared.

"Sister."

"Brother... What have you done?"

"What I had always planned to do?"

"You had planned to use him after I spent so much time bound to him? You did this just to hurt me?" She was furious.

"HE IS NOT YOURS!" God shouted. "I created him! He is my son! He knows this now."

"Knows what?" Sam was confused.

"No..." Cas whispered. "It can't be."

"It is, my child."

"Cas, what is it?"

"I didn't want to believe the older angels but it's true. I knew his soul was very much untarnished and pure. And their souls were always similar but - I never believed it."

"Believed what? Damnit Cas, tell me!"

"Dean isn't Dean."

"What?" Sam replied exhaling.

"He never was. He is a reincarnation, like Chuck."

"Of who?"

"God's only son."

"Jesus? Dean is Jesus?" Sam was on overload. It felt like his head was about to implode. His brother possessed by God, now he finds out that his brother was never truly his brother.

"Yes. He is. He is perfection. His soul is pure, even when in Hell. Even when he was a demon, his soul was different to everyone else's." He looked only at his sister now. "Dean Winchester's sacrifice is to save all. Having your way, I'd be dead and so would many of my children and creations. I wanted to talk and he agreed so that you would keep the peace."

"What happens to him afterwards?" Sam asked, scared of the answer. God said nothing only looked behind him to Chuck's body on the ground. Unmoving. "He dies?"

"A fate similar to it, yes. Unable to use his vessel any longer." God admitted sorrowfully.

"And what you did - with his soul?"

"I merely collected it. To keep safe in a private Heaven with other special souls - away from any angel. Like your parents, for example."

"What?"

"Yes. One day, when your brother is ready, or when I no longer need a corporeal form. I will leave him or I will guide him to John and Mary Winchester, and continue to use his vessel."

Sam realised what this meant. It meant that he would never hear his brother's words again or his laugh. He would never watch him content in driving his baby across the country. He would never see his brother's face light up at the sight of good food. Or when he saw an old friend. He would never hear him sing loudly to his favourite classic rock songs. He would never hunt with his brother again. He'd never see his brother smile. He'd never see his brother again. The tears had begun to make their way to his eyes.

"Sister, this is for the best."

"The best? You let me bond with him, only to take that away from me too."

"The war between us has gone on too long. We must settle this."

"And you didn't believe that I didn't want to see you dead either. You didn't assume I cared for you as well."

"This plan had every precaution necessary. I need to keep this safe." He gestured to all around him.

"But what of Dean? Why should he be robbed of his life for you?"

"He isn't. He's still here with me. He can still see, still hear, still feel."

"What's he thinking?" Sam spoke swiftly.

"He says he's sorry... He says goodbye... Cas... and Sammy."

The tears that had misted Sam's eyes fell. Cas' eyes began to weep as well.

"Brother?" Amara said gently.

"He says this needs to end. It needs to be over so that this world can at last be at peace." God created a rift. It was a rift, like a crack in the world. It was a door and it opened up to reveal the prison. Where Amara had been exiled to for infinity. He looked to it and sighed. "I do not wish to send you back there. I care for you. Do not let his sacrifice become meaningless."

Amara's fury was ever increasing. Her hatred for her brother grew, as did her desperation to save Dean Winchester. But her anger was more powerful. She charged at her brother with sheer strength and rage. He pushed her away. She fell onto the hard earth of the cemetery. Cas had pulled Sam away from the fight.

Amara, seeing her brother advance towards her, without even thinking she threw out her hand in self-defence. Its force pushed God backwards to the rift in the earth. And he fell into the prison behind him. The prison, now sensing a powerful being within it, sealed itself away to wherever, whenever God had made it. Leaving a regretful Amara, a stunned Castiel and a grief stricken Sam together in the cemetery.

* * *

 **Sorry to leave it there but I have to give you something to hold onto so that you all keep reading! I hope you enjoyed it and if you did, please tell me via PM REVIEW COMMENT ON YOUTUBE! AND NOW I HAVE A PROFILE ON THE SUPERNATURAL AMINO APP! I post fanmade pics and my videos as well as my fanfics as well. PLEASE FOLLOW ME! MY NAME IS WantedDeaOrAlive! Okay then, see you all soon!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Hi... Yes I am alive. I know it hasn't appeared that way because well of how dead I've been acting the past two weeks. But I did warn everyone that I was going away and I didn't when or if I could update while in Italy. And as it turned out I was very busy. Sorry!**

 **So we have a season 12 official now! And Jared and Jensen have agreed to a season 13 if we're picked up again! PLEASE PLEASE PICK US UP! And next week we have the new episode! BOBBY AND RUFUS! Yay!**

 **Thank you to all who have reviewed this story - please keep it up - and a special thanks for the recurring reviews from freetobescary, babyreaper, Winchester44, King of He11 and deadone1013**

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 **And enjoy...**

* * *

 _Amara, seeing her brother advance towards her, without even thinking she threw out her hand in self-defence. Its force pushed God backwards to the rift in the earth. And he fell into the prison behind him. The prison, now sensing a powerful being within it, sealed itself away to wherever, whenever God had made it. Leaving a regretful Amara, a stunned Castiel and a grief stricken Sam together in the cemetery._

Sam was the first one to where the door had closed so quickly. He spun on the spot hoping to find Dean or even God somewhere.

But there was nothing there to suggest anything remotely supernatural had ever occurred that day. Save one. On the ground, scorched into the Earth, was a new lock for the prison from which the Darkness had escaped. The Mark that Sam had grown accustomed to being seared on Dean's forearm was now seared into the dirt and the grass. He tried cutting it, stomping on it, he even shot at it. In hopes that it would crack and break, therefore releasing his brother from wherever he now was. When Amara tried to come near, he held out his gun at her.

"I don't care if it won't kill you. Come any closer and I'll shoot!" Sam yelled.

"Sam." Cas spoke gently. He could see the tears in Sam's eyes. Cas looked at him forlornly. He felt grief too but not in the same way as Sam. Sam was Dean's brother, and he was human. Cas didn't even understand the emotions that he has been able to feel since he became human. But now with his grace and wings completely restored. It was like the emotions he had felt had decreased and for once he did not want to be an angel. He wanted to be human. To feel the hurt of losing a brother, a friend. His brother, his friend, his family.

"Where is he?" His voice was a mixture of fear, desperation and anger.

"I don't know."

"Bullshit!" He cocked his gun. "Where did he go?"

"Sam. I don't know." He could hear the emotion in her voice. She truly cared for him, in a way that deities as old and powerful as her felt emotions. He began to charge at her but was stopped by Cas. "If I knew how to open it, I would have done so millennia ago."

Sam stopped struggling against Cas. He fell to the floor of Stull cemetery where 6 years ago, he had fell and Dean had mourned him. Now it was his turn again.

Amara walked over to Sam and knelt down beside him. "We will bring him back. I know you both care for him." She looked up at Castiel whose tears had disappeared when his father and aunt were fighting. But now, they threatened to spill again unlike Sam's, which have already fallen down to his chin.

"How?" Sam and Cas asked.

"You don't know how to open it! You've never known how! How are you going to do that then!?" Sam yelled.

"Be calm Samuel." She cupped his cheek, much like she did with Dean. She stared at his face and sighed. "You are so much like your brother." Sam has always wanted to be like him. Ever since he could remember, he always thought Dean was like some kind of superhero. The first time he saw his brother hurt and in hospital had slightly dampened the idea that he was invincible. Never, has Sam thought of him as anything else but a hero. He knew that this was the best compliment he could ever receive. Even from something like the Darkness. She sighed again. "I may not know how to open it. But there are others. Others who were there when it was open to seal me away. And there are such things that may possess some insight or answers. We will help Dean." Amara rose from where she was kneeling.

"Others? You mean Lucifer? We can't let him out - or Michael." Sam replied standing up as well.

"There were more than just Lucifer and Michael when it happened."

"Raphael and Gabriel are dead... So what? You're going to find out how to resurrect angels?" Cas asked when Amara turned to him.

"I will find out." She then looked back to Sam. "I am sorry, Sam. I am to blame. I couldn't see past my brother enough to remember that he was using Dean. This was exactly the reason he did so, though. To hurt me. To force me to leave so that I could protect Dean. He has always hated me, he put everything else before me."

"You still don't get it do you?" Sam uttered. "He didn't use Dean so he could hurt you. He wanted to protect us. He wanted to be able to talk with you with no collateral damage. He didn't want to seal you away. He loves you and you love him too." Sam raised his voice louder now. "And you know what, God was right. Dean isn't yours, and he never was. But he was wrong when he said that Dean was his: he's not. He's my brother. And no one's taking that away from me!" He stopped his shouting and managed to calm down enough. Enough to murmur one last thing to her. "Go... And don't come back until you know how to save him."

And with that, she disappeared to nothing.

Sam turned to Cas behind him. They looked at each other, saw the grief in each other's eyes. Cas saw that Sam needed reassurance, that he needed hope. His eyes brimmed with tears as he looked over to the spot where the Mark was burned into the ground instead of Dean's arm.

The past months where Dean had not had the mark had been the best time they've had together in a long time. No one was dying, no one was going crazy, no one had a reason to be so overly self-sacrificing that it borderlines suicidal. It was great, even if they did unleash a force into the world that no one could comprehend. They were once again united. And this wasn't like the apocalypse. Back then, Sam had broken Dean's trust with the demon blood and choosing Ruby over him - no one could ever blame him for that more than he does to himself - and Dean was still affected by his time spent in Hell. Now, it was almost like they were back to them just being them; just being brothers.

But his brother is gone. And Sam feels lost.

"What do we do Cas?"

Cas swallowed the lump in his throat before he croaked out "We go home." He placed his hand on Sam's shoulder. When Sam next looked around, he recognised the comfort of the bunker library. They were home, though it felt incomplete.

Sam slumped into one of the chairs and ran his fingers through his long hair. His elbows leaned on the table as he covered his eyes with his hands, trying to wipe away the memories of everything that's happened. But when he thought about it, his hands ended up wiping away more tears. He didn't even notice that Cas had sat down in the chair beside him.

"Cas... how... could he say yes? He knew what that meant - he knew he would leave us... I know what he did was the right thing but," Sam sighed and closed his eyes, shaking his head, "why did it have to be him? Why does he - _why do we_ have to sacrifice everything?"

Cas looked up to the sky. Ironically almost like he was praying to God for strength to help him and Sam. But that was not what he was doing. "Because if we don't, then who will." He didn't want to say it, but it was the truth. He tried to imagine what a world without Winchesters would be like. What a worthless world that would be. It would be a dystopia, it would end before anyone else in the line stood up next to fight. No one would stand a chance. "I knew Dean was important, that he was special from the moment I plucked him from Hell. Even when he was in Hell, when he was becoming demonic, his soul still out-shined some in Heaven."

"So Jesus, bible-new-testament-God's-son Jesus is Dean?"

"It would seem so yes."

"So he's not my brother?"

"No, he is." He looked Sam dead in the eye. "After everything you two have been through. You are brothers; always have been, always will be." He saw some hope, incredibly minuscule but there was some hope in Sam's eyes. "He may have been Jesus. But he has been your brother and he has been Dean longer than he was Jesus." Cas continued when he realised it was helping himself by saying this as much as it was to Sam. "We will save Dean."

"How?" Sam whispered. It wasn't a lack of faith or hope anymore, it was a genuine question. They will help but how can they even begin to find out how they can.

"By listening to me."

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 **Sorry to leave it on yet another cliffhanger but I needed to. So Sorry! Really hoped you liked it and because I was so mean with my lack of updates, I will tell that another fan favourite character will appear in the next chapter and maybe more after...**

 **Please please please favourite, follow and review! I'm on the Supernatural Amino app and my name is: WantedDeadOrAlive and this is where I post my update announcements, fanarts, youtube video updates and various stuff. Also look at my YouTube channel please! I will be updating with a few videos this week hopefully - and one will be a Multifandom.**

 **Once again - please please please review! I need to know what you all think!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Hi! I back already. I hope you've been thinking about who the mystery guest is. If you get it right, can you please tell me. Or if you get it wrong, you can tell me. I'd love to know who you thought I was going to bring back next.**

 **Anyone ready for Bobby this week?! I've missed him and Rufus sooooooooo much! I can't wait!**

 **Thank you to all the people who have followed or favourited this story; it means a lot. THANKS TO: babyreaper, freetobescary, Thiltelles, and A SPECIAL THANKS TO spnfanforlife for your review! It really made my day!**

 **Okay. Don't forget to FOLLOW FAVOURITE REVIEW AND SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL! And remember to ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING because YOU ARE NOT ALONE if you LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!**

* * *

 _"We will save Dean."_

 _"How?" Sam whispered. It wasn't a lack of faith or hope anymore, it was a genuine question. They will help but how can they even begin to find out how they can._

 _"By listening to me."_

Cas and Sam spun around. Shocked at what they saw. Amara had found someone that she believed to be useful with their attempt to rescue Dean. Someone Sam, Dean and Cas believed to be long gone.

"You're alive?" Sam asked astounded, only receiving a nod in response. "This whole time, thinking you were dead. And now, you come back?"

"Yeah, sorry about that. But don't worry, everyone thought I was dead." He scrunched his face, grinning. "That was kinda the point..."

"It's good to see you, Gabriel." Cas slightly smiled, remembering the fake Gabriel Metatron used against him.

"Yeah, missed you too bro. But unfortunately, we always seem to have more pressing matters than chatting." Gabriel walked up to them.

"Gabriel was one of four archangels who was there at the time of my exile. You believed it to be too dangerous to speak with Lucifer or Michael. Castiel killed Raphael in his attempt to usurp my brother's role. Gabriel is the only other survivor." Amara spoke clearly, only a few steps from where Sam and the two angels stood. "He must know something."

"So you just brought him here?" Sam asked.

"I knew you would get as many answers out of him as I could, without the need for violence."

"Why do you care about one of God's children? One who banished you?" Cas was confused with the Darkness' sudden show of mercy.

Gabriel held his hands out, tilted his head, trying to look sincerely at them but smiling at the same time. "Hey hey hey! If she's cool with it; she's cool with it. Don't need to open up any wounds that are starting to heal over do we?" He quickly went back to being serious. "And I do know something that might help."

"What? What is it?" Sam begged for answers.

"It's a word of God."

"There's another word of God?" Asked Sam incredulously.

"Yeah, there's a word for everything."

"What's this one about?"

"I don't know for sure. But this one is special. He wrote it himself and gave it to me to hide." He saw their faces and scoffed. "Come on, I was the only son who wasn't interested in the big family death-match between my brothers, Dad seemed to like that so he trusted me with it."

"Where is it?" Cas questioned stoically.

"Not on Earth."

"Heaven?" Sam asked. Gabriel simply shook his head.

"Hell?" It was Cas' turn to ask. But Gabriel shook his head.

"Where is it then? Assuming we believe you." The Darkness, to intimidate him, stepped slowly towards the archangel.

"I can't say. I'll get it and bring it back. It's one of my safe-houses somewhere and there are more things there that angels, hunters and the Darkness alike would love to get their hands on." He grinned cheekily, snapping his fingers he then disappeared.

They were all annoyed with Gabriel. Sam and Cas had only known of his faked death minutes ago and already miss the peace of before.

"No wonder Dean hated him." Amara commented.

"Well, he did kill Dean over a hundred times." Cas stated. "They have never really been close."

"That accounted for, he would still die for him."

"You think so?" Sam asked Amara.

"I know so. I've been your brother Sam, we were one. I shared everything of his. Every memory, every thought that ever ran through his mind, every characteristic he has. I had it all as well. And I know that your brother had a list in his mind of people he wished he could save and another of those he'd die for."

"Wh-why did he have that?"

"Because he used to have a list of people to kill and torture. As a demon, he would count the names of people he planned to kill to strengthen him. As a human with the mark, he unconsciously continued that list until he went through every single person, angel, demon or monster that he had ever encountered." Sam was stunned. He knew Dean had been having a hard time, he could see the physical, emotional and mental toll that the mark had on him. But he never spoke about it with him. He wondered where on any of the lists he was placed. Knowing Dean, he would want to save Sam the most and Sam's terrifying memories of Dean as a demon would mean he would have placed Sam first on the 'To Kill List'.

"Why did you do that to him?" Sam murmured, his mind still racing about his brother wherever he was.

"I don't understand."

"When he had the mark, did you influence him? Did you make him like that?" Suddenly his confidence and his rage - primarily his rage - returned and he aimed it at the Darkness.

"Yes. I forced his behaviour to change. I did so in order to be set free. Cain was not like Dean. As soon as he shared the mark with Dean, I knew he would be the one to free me. And he was. But now I know why it felt so right, because it was set up like that by my brother."

"Yeah, Dad's always been big on setting people up together. Should've seen his reaction when he made Eve for Adam. Talk about a match made in Heaven." Gabriel said, announcing his return.

"You're back? Did you get it?"

"Yes. And a donut." He held a word of God in one hand, and in his left he held a glazed donut.

"You went to get a donut?!" Sam asked.

"I do not understand how the donut helps." Amara said questioning Gabriel sweet tooth.

Gabriel shrugged and turned to Cas to see what he thought. "Well... sugary foods can make a person more active and awake and according to some health critics, donuts are a particularly good breakfast food as it enhances one's memory and ability to pay attention." Cas shocked everyone with his sudden knowledge of food. "I learned that when I was human."

"Oh-kayyyy..." Gabriel widened his eyes as he looked away from Cas. He handed Sam the tablet whilst still munching on his donut. "Here. You can't read it though."

Sam stared at this new tablet hand-written by God himself instead of the douche bag Metatron. It was immaculate. It was pure white, as if he carved into marble. The words written were in gold lettering. It was a true work of art. And Metatron thought his words were impressive. Wait until he saw this. If he could even understand it. The lettering may be beautiful but it wasn't comprehensible. It was written in a language that looked even older than Enochian. "What language is this?"

"God's." Gabriel replied, licking his fingers. "Before he created Enochian and human languages. He used this language. No one knows it, it hasn't even got a name because it doesn't exist."

"Great! How are we supposed to read it then?!" Sam shouted in frustration.

"I can." Amara declared. "My brother and I used this language before he created and I was banished." She picked up the word of God from where Sam had placed it on the table and began to read. "He was the last human my brother created. He created Dean solely for him to be his vessel. Everything that had happened in his life had been set up so that he could receive the mark releasing myself and prepare him for the inevitable possession by my brother. It lists the names of friends and family that he will love and lose also."

"So everyone that we ever met that died, was a part of God's plan?" Sam asked.

"Yes. He even created Castiel with the doubts born into his mind, so that he would help you fight."

"He created me, like this?" Cas seemed quite disappointed. "I'm not unique; I'm planned?"

"No, you're still you Cas. Just like Dean is Dean even if he is reincarnated."

"Reincarnated?" Gabriel asked. "Dad didn't really like that stuff. Must have been important. Who was he?"

"Jesus." Cas and Sam spoke in unison.

"I thought he looked familiar." Gabriel nodded. "His soul seemed older, and purer than most."

"That is because it contains some of my brother's essence." Amara added. As she continued to read. "Much like Dean carried the Darkness inside him, his soul was made out of some of God's light."

"So Dean was always different."

"He was always made for Heaven. Not for Hell or the Darkness. He wasn't destined as the Michael sword. This was his reason for being alive. God's intended it so. Meaning he chose you Sam, to be Dean's brother. None of this could have been left to chance. God made you as well." Cas explained.

Sam sighed and rubbed his face. His exhaustion was no longer emotional, it was now also physical. "Is there anything else?"

"Yes. It explains what happened when he banished me. And how - in case it should ever be needed - to open the prison without releasing the prisoners." Amara smiled. "This means, that one may go in to retrieve Dean while not releasing God."

"And why would leave him there?"

"One of us must remain bound. If he is free on Earth, he will require a vessel. The only available vessel is your brother." She tilted her head and questioned his love for his brother. BIG MISTAKE! "Do you not care for your brother enough to protect him from God?"

"Don't you dare," Sam snarled only inches away from her face, "suggest that I don't love my brother. Ever!" He backed away, calming down. "If you stay up here, you've got to promise to cease the chaos and cut the connection between you and Dean."

"I will do so. We will need some ingredients. Have you any of his blood?" It had began. The way to save his brother from a fate worse than Hell was by allying with people he once considered to be monsters - or at least monstrous - and villains. They were now his only hope to save Dean. He knew how desperate he and Dean become when one of them is in peril but this had to be some kind of new level of 'off the charts bad ideas'. But he didn't care. He truly didn't.

Sam faced Cas who attempted half an encouraging smile. Sam ignored it and began walking past him. As he did, he said to Cas:

"We've got work to do."

* * *

 **Sorry to leave it there! Sorry but at least I gave you Gabriel! Hopefully I will update soon as I'm on Easter holidays starting midday thursday. So maybe expect an update not long after that. Think you can manage it? Good. Hope you enjoyed it, there should be some Dean next chapter or at least near the end but I don't know yet. You'll just have to read it when I update it next. Don't forget to show how much you liked it! REVIEWS ARE APPRECIATED!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Hello... Please please don't kill me! I am beyond sorry that this is late, I was making supernatural fanvids instead therefore I lost my focus... then I went on a holiday where I have no internet. I think I did okay... ish... Anyway, please don't kill me. I have this chapter to appease you!**

 **SPOILERS IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN 11X17 RED MEAT! OH MY-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! DID ANYONE ELSE DIE WATCHING THAT EPISODE! Sammy in the first 10 minutes then he wasn't dead but Dean was because he committed suicide! I was a literal wreck and kept re-watching it because OMG they seriously deserve Oscars based on this one episode alone!**

 **Thank you for all the reviews and the Easter wishes! I hope you all had a lovely time!**

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* * *

 _"We've got work to do."_

He passed Cas and went to collect the small amount of Dean's blood that they kept in case of emergencies that require a blood spell. They also had Sam's and blood of their types if either of them is badly injured and has lost a lot of blood. They kept it all in the infirmary room inside the bunker. He quickly grabbed Dean's blood and returned to the library to give it back to Amara.

"Why do we need his blood?" Sam asked curiously.

"When the door has been opened to retrieve Dean, he will no longer have a corporeal form. So we must bring back his essence and his soul from the prison in order to make Dean." Amara explained. "We will need his DNA and other items to rebuild what was undoubtedly destroyed when my brother possessed his body and it was cast out. Do you have a photograph of him?"

Sam didn't know what to say. He was trying to swallow everything quickly. He needed to keep his mind clear and focused for Dean. "Yeah. Yeah. I'll go get one."

Sam went to his own room and opened the box he kept precious memories in. He opened it to find the 'samulet' that the girls from the 'Supernatural: the Musical' gave to him, one of the army men Dean got him when they were younger, a signed baseball from his first baseball game that he ever went to (where Dean had taken him for his birthday), Dean's old lighter that he gave to him, old drawings he did as a child, some other things as well but most importantly; his photos.

He had collected a couple of the years, some are copies of Dean's photos but that made no difference. There were some from when they were kids with John and even Bobby, some taken before their mum died and a few from growing up when Dean stole a camera to give to him for Christmas once. And because of that, the first photo that he had to give to Amara was one of Dean when he was about 17 years old. He was smiling in the picture only from Sam's excitement from the present. The next photograph was more recent and was one that Charlie had sent to Sam via the computer after she left when he had 'burned' the Book of the Damned. Dean didn't know she was taking pictures with her phone, and he was mid-laugh. Sam didn't realise until the first time he thought he had lost Dean, that when they're gone; you miss everything. Even the things you didn't realise you'd miss at all. One of them for Sam was Dean's laugh. He never noticed how great it was to hear him laugh at stupid shows or at a crappy joke or at Sam making an idiot of himself. But he definitely noticed it when there was no more laughter. When there was no more loud singing to tapes of greatest hits of the classic rock age. When he had to drive the Impala by himself with no Dean sitting cautiously in the passenger's seat making sure he didn't hurt his baby. When he booked only a one bed motel room. When Dean was no longer there next to him.

But he didn't want to feel that way again. Despite feeling it right now. Sam was determined to save Dean, and once again, no matter of the consequences.

When he gave Amara the photographs, she smiled ever so slightly.

"Explain how this is going to work." Castiel demanded.

"The words written on the tablet is the key that open the door. Once it is opened, I will be able to find Dean's soul and bring it from out of there. My brother will not be able to escape the prison. He is stuck there now, unless we choose to release him. Once his soul is freed, it must be kept safe and contained while Dean is being healed."

"I have an idea." Gabriel said as he raised his eyebrows. "Cas, I could use some help." With Cas' newly repaired grace, they disappeared - or rather flew off - together.

While he was gone, Sam had retrieved the rest of Dean's hair that wasn't used by Rowena for the spell that caused all these problems in the first place. The amulet Sam had given Dean for Christmas years ago, that helped them find God, had been recovered from the grassy fields of Stull Cemetery. Sam sat down at the chair in the library and stared and the photos of Dean. He couldn't help but smile. He felt the ache of not knowing what was happening to Dean. He is in a place bot built for the human soul. It could ruin him, but he won't be completely gone and whatever happens and whatever Dean will have been through, they will deal with it. They will fix it. No matter what.

"Well isn't this a cheerful party." They heard from behind them. It was Gabriel standing there. But he wasn't alone.

"What the hell are you doing here Crowley."

"Feathers and Feathers the Second here explained what's happened since I left you, what four/five days ago?" Crowley said. "They needed my help."

"How do we need your help?"

"You're looking for something to keep hold of Dean and his soul while it's rebuilding everything. So I thought I'd offer up something to help." He gestured to the large stone coffin behind him.

"A coffin?" Sam was outraged. And despite trying to keep it hidden, it burst out a bit when he questioned Crowley.

"Not just any coffin." He raised his eyebrows. "Mine... There are more enchantments and spells on this than anything else I have. I like to keep my property safe."

"And you're just helping us out of the goodness of your demon heart, huh? What's in it for you?"

"Not dying for sure." Cas spoke plainly.

Gabriel smirked. "I doubt even he could withstand a archangel and a high-ranked angel double smiting his ass back to the Highlands."

"Yes. I would rather keep this meatsuit as well, I've grown rather accustomed to it. Plus, someone's got to run Hell. It's better if I do it: The Devil you know. And the one that won't try and wear you."

"So where are you bones then? You clearly didn't bring them here."

"Too right I didn't. And this isn't show-and-tell so why should I tell you? Let's get this done quickly. The quicker it is, the faster my bones become safer again."

"Watch how you speak Crowley. You are working beneath us. You are not a friend, not even an ally. Just temporarily useful." Amara spoke. The two of them clearly had some unresolved issues. Well he did try to kill Dean and she did try to kill him. It was understandably awkward. Luckily, the Darkness knows exactly what to say to make Crowley shut up.

"Of course." He lowered his head and watched as she pushed the lid off the casket using the classic monster, demon, ghost power trait of telekinesis.

She gestured to Sam to put the items that they had collected into the coffin. She told him to leave the blood for last and she explained that he would have to freshly bleed into the coffin as well. "In order to secure ties to the physical world." She had said. She began the chant that was written down on the tablet. It was a language no one had ever heard of, it was unrecognisable as it's how God speaks. Sam placed the photos in and the hair as well. He gently lowered the amulet down as well and whilst Cas slowly poured Dean'd blood in, Sam cut his hand and bleed right on top of Dean's face on the recent photograph taken by Charlie. Sam and Cas stepped back, praying that this would work. Cas put his hand on Sam's shoulder and gave him a caring look. Sam saw that he wasn't the only one hoping that Dean would make it back. Hell, if people had found out about this, the entire bunker would be filled with people who'd wait in high hopes to see him okay, whether they were dead or alive, blood-relatives or friends, his family would be waiting for him when he gets back. No matter the state he's in.

Amara's chanting came to a quick halt as the tear that had appeared in the graveyard, had now appeared in their library.

Amara threw out her hands and closed her eyes. She knew the distinctiveness of Dean and his soul. She knew the difference between his soul and her brother's power. Albeit the similarities they share. As soon as she felt it, she tugged at it. Pulling it towards her. It was difficult and was like it was almost resisting. She managed to keep pulling it until everyone saw the bright light of a soul at the foot of the prison, so close to the door but Amara was still struggling. The brightness was overwhelming, Sam and Crowley had to completely avert their eyes while Gabriel and Cas squinted.

Amara gave one last tug at his soul and it burst through the door. Cas held out his hand and Gabriel copied, as they tried to shepherd Dean's soul into the casket. They pushed it in and the lid was hastily pushed on top. As it did, it activated the spells, wardings and enchantments made to lock the cold, stone coffin that kept hold of Dean's soul. Seeing Dean contained, she repeated the words said earlier but in reverse, in order to close the door to the prison with God still inside.

"It is done." Amara panted slightly. "He has returned."

"How long will this process take?" Cas questioned.

"Yes. I'd like my bones' bed back soon." Amara did nothing to retort. Only glared menacingly at the King of Hell.

"It is not exact as I'm not aware that this has ever been done previously. If it has, then each soul is different so therefore; there is no exact period of time."

"We'll wait."

"Fine, I'll be in Hell. Call me when he's up." He stared at his coffin. "Lazy bugger." But before anyone could do anything to defend Dean or find a reason to hit Crowley, he disappeared back to the hole he crawled out from.

They had planned to take it in turn to sit in the library, keeping an eye on the wardings of the casket. But Sam barely left. Only when he needed the bathroom or a quick change of clothes, otherwise, he stayed in nearly the same spot for days. Cas brought him his meals, but Sam was too concerned to eat. He hated not having Dean by his side, he also hated it that they had been conspiring with King of Hell again. But that had happened enough times for Sam to move past it. Now, they were conspiring with the Darkness and had chose to keep God locked up. Sam pondered if he ever got out, he's going to be pissed and show them his whole wrath thing that they've been threatened with many times. By humans, monsters, demons and angels alike.

"How many days has it been now Cas?" Sam asked as soon as he lifted his head up from the book he had been using as a pillow/

"Today would be the fifth." He replied obviously upset.

"It's driving me crazy. We don't know anything about this." Sam became frustrated. "A spell and a incantation on a tablet - a tablet we didn't know about - written in a language know one knows/ This could all be a ploy for the Darkness to use Dean again."

"If it is, then we'll help Dean. Help him know who he is and what he is not." Cas tried to put on an encouraging smile. "Have hope."

"Dean's was right. Hope is worse than anything else. And now I'm going to lose my friggin' mind too."

 _It was dark._

 _It was suffocating._

 _The Darkness surrounding him was overwhelming and he didn't like it._

 _He tried to call out. Tried screaming. Tried hitting something._

 _But no one heard._

 _He just kept screaming. For days on end until finally someone let the light in._

"Do you hear that?" Sam asked.

They both turned to the coffin, which they could now hear, was being pounded on.

They sprinted from where they sat and pushed the top off the casket. And when they looked inside it, they saw a full-grown Dean. Exactly the same, and in the same clothes as the day they saw with God. It was as if nothing had changed. But that was not true.

"Dean!" Sam exclaimed in relief, pulling him out of the coffin. He moved slowly but they could easily help with that. The others rushed to the scene and Crowley was called up from Hell. He pulled him into a hug and sat him down on one of the chairs. He looked out of it. Not seeing anything or seemed to be taking anything in. He only looked at Sam when he began to speak to him again.

"Dean? Dean, are you okay? Dean? y'okay? What happened?" But he wouldn't answer. He just stared at Sam, like he was wondering if he was real or not. "Dean? Dean it's me. It's Sammy. It's your pain-in-the-ass little brother... Dean?... Talk to me."

They could see his was trying to get the words out. But it was like watching a baby learn to talk. Everything felt new to him.

"Dean?" Sam was choking on his tears now. "Dean? Say something."

As soon as he opened his mouth, Sam had wished he never asked Dean to speak.

"Who are you?"

* * *

 **Sorry to leave it there but I'm writing this at nearly three in the morning over here and I'm exhausted. Plus I planned to end this chapter like this the whole time. So sorry to dangle you but I hope to update sooner than I promised last time. Until then, please FOLLOW FAVOURITE REVIEW AND SUBSCRIBE! LOVE YOU ALL! ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT ALONE IF YOU LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! Love you xxx**


	16. Chapter 16

**Please don't kill me... I know I said because I was on holiday that I would write more but I just didn't have time. And if I did then I just pissed it away doing random stuff on my laptop. I apologise profusely.**

 **IMPORTANT NOTICE: I might not post for a while though I will try to. But I have my Italian exchange partner coming to stay until the 29th and I have my language speaking exams for Italian and German coming up at the same time. And these exams are a big deal if I want to get a good grade in my A Levels. So I'm very sorry about that.**

 **On a happier note this is the last hellatus. On a grim note we are on hellatus.**

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 **Basically if you love Charlie, please watch this video. She would love you for it and more importantly I will!**

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 **...and enjoy!**

* * *

 _"Dean?" Sam was choking on his tears now. "Dean? Say something."_

 _As soon as he opened his mouth, Sam had wished he never asked Dean to speak._

 _"Who are you?"_

Sam like everyone else was flabbergasted at this sudden turn of events. Sam shook his head smiling, he knew Dean had to just be pulling it on. Trying to make a joke in order to refrain from speaking about what really happened. Except... He had never avoided 'chick-flick moments' that severely before. Unless you count when they were only children and when Sam was being exceptionally annoying (like all young children), Dean (like all older siblings) would go 'I'm sorry, do I know you?'. But this was too serious a situation for him to be dicking around like this. If he was faking it, Sam would be very pissed. But deep down Sam realised very quickly that it was true, because Dean wouldn't be this cruel. Not to his bitch of a little brother. Not to Sammy. Not to him.

"Dean?" Sam whispered. "Dean, it's me Sammy?"

"Who?" Dean murmured back. He was still quite out of it. His eyes kept darting around the room, trying to find something familiar to him. But there was nothing and no one. Despite, Dean's uncharacteristic nervous disposition, when his eyes danced about the library they always ended up looking back at Sam. Even if it was just for a brief moment. He still looked for something that felt to be missing.

"It's Sam. Your little brother Sam." But Dean wasn't focused enough to listen properly. He started staring at Cas trying to remember someone or something. He tilted his and squinted at him. Cas' hopes were raised and diminished very quickly.

"Well. It's always something with you boys isn't it?" Gabriel said. "There's always something wrong with one of you."

"You're stealing my line." Crowley joked. He chuckled then realised than Gabriel wasn't being funny or mocking them, but being empathetic for the melancholy souls who were suffering with Dean's sudden amnesia. "I think I better go."

"Why?" Sam turned his head so fast around, you'd think he was an owl. "Suddenly speeding off Crowley... Did you do this?"

"Of course not Moose." He glared at him. "What motive would I have for that?"

"You hate us. You want us dead. You don't us to kill you dead. Shall I continue?"

"All true. But I figured Dean would be too damaged after being in prison - for who knows how long - that you would forget your grudge match with little ol' me." He smirked and shoved his hands into his trouser pockets.

"Cas, was it the wardings on the coffin that did this?"

Cas made a quick inspection in-between keeping an eye on Dean. "No. They are protective. Keeping out demons, angels, monsters and all sorts of creatures. It's almost impenetrable. It couldn't have caused this."

"See, there. Can I take my coffin back to my crypt now?" Sam grudgingly allowed Crowley to leave.

As soon as Crowley left, Sam turned to Cas again. "Cas, what's happened to Dean?"

"I don't know."

"Do you know what could have done it?" Sam continued.

"No."

"I have a way to find out." Amara spoke, who was silently watching the whole situation from the background. She walked towards Dean and crouched. She looked up into Dean's eyes and could feel how lost and utterly confused he was. She held her hand out gingerly, as if she were going to stroke a scared animal, when he suddenly became aware of how close she was.

"Wha-What are you-?" He began. But his head was swimming.

Her hand still outstretched and reaching for his chest stopped mid air. "May I? I need to see how you are." He slowly nodded in response. "This may hurt." He grimaced, in anticipation of the pain that was soon to follow. Her hand moved again and reached his chest, she closed her eyes and searched for his soul. Dean's eyes were closed and his concentration peaked with the slight piercing he felt as she laid her hand on his chest. It was a familiar pain, but a ghost one. Just like all of them. They were ghosts to him, people that he feels he should know but doesn't. And it bothered him that he felt so alone in a crowded room.

The pain subsided and Dean was gasping for breath, panting from the pain. Only to open his eyes to see that Amara had removed her hand and was trying to find the words to describe what she had felt or seen.

"What? What is it?" The brooding Sam behind her began begging for answers, as soon as he realised she was finished.

"His soul; it's... it's incomplete."

"That's not possible." Sam stated what he knew as facts. What Death had once told Dean. "No. Souls can be tortured, wounded, demonised but not broken. Death told us that."

"Death does not know everything. A large part of Dean's soul is missing. And I suspect it is still confined in that prison with my brother." Amara explained.

"How? How did God do that?"

"Well it was Daddy dearest. He created you all. He knows everything about you. Probably things we don't even know." Expressed Gabriel.

"It makes sense." Cas added as well.

"Can we get it back? The other part of his soul?" Sam asked. He was ashamed to be working with a force like the Darkness. But it wasn't the first time, Sam had done something reckless in order to save Dean. It was a recurrence for the both of them now.

"I don't know how. If I was unable to retrieve with the rest of him before, I do not believe it will work the second time."

Sam slammed his hand down on the table. Dean flinched. "NO! There has to be a way!"

"Sam-" Cas began but Sam glared at him. He said nothing to Cas but found a way to tell him without words that if he spoke or tried to tall him to calm down that he will end him.

"There has to be a way." Sam repeated clenching his teeth together. As if they had been stuck together. "Is there anything on the tablet?"

"No. There is nothing there that would be of any use."

"Nothing?" Sam asked, his heart breaking. He saw Dean, how fidgety he was, how all-over-the-place he was, how alone he must feel. Sam couldn't see him so unlike himself.

He looked at his brother; the hero. His saviour. Sam remembered when he had said that to him. But more importantly he remembered what followed. ' _If the situation was reversed and I was dying, you'd do the same thing._ ' He knew he wanted to prove his brother wrong. He wanted to believe that if Dean had died, that he'd find a way to accept his decision and eventually move on. ' _No, Dean. I wouldn't. Same circumstances... I wouldn't._ ' He knew that would hurt him. But he wanted to prove something to Dean. Though Sam had never been more wrong. And was soon able to prove how wrong he was. Neither of them could live without the other. If one is dead, then really, so is the other one. Maybe not physically, but still dead. He saw Gabriel is in peripheral vision and remembered what he had once told him. _'Dean's your weakness... It's going to be the death of you, Sam._ ' And he was right. But neither of them cared, they knew that they were each other's weakness. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing. It just showed how much they loved each other. That they cared for each other so much so that they are willing to die for each other.

But _this_.

Dean alive but not Dean.

It was like he was still dead.

Because he was. Dean was gone.

"Nothing at all?" He croaked out. Not even giving the tears rolling down his cheeks a single thought.

"Not that I know of." Amara - the omnipotent, the omniscient force of power and destruction - admitted. She too was distressed by Dean's lack of memory. She couldn't find it anywhere. "The Soul is made up of everything. It is the essential part that makes a person who they are. It contains characteristics, traits, personality, emotions, motives. And in the centre of all of that is memories. It holds it all together because each part of that comes from knowing who you are and what you have done. Without knowing anything, none of that matters."

Sam saw Dean just sitting there listening to Amara explain. He looked at her like she was insane. He began shaking his head, but he was still out of it so he kinda looked drunk.

"Dean? Dean y'okay?" Sam asked bending down in front of him. Sam put his hand on Dean's neck and made him look at him. "Dean?"

"'m not... Dean." He murmured.

"Yes. Yes you are." Sam began. He would make his brother remember. Broken soul or not he had to know something. "Your name is Dean Winchester. You're from Kansas. You were born on the 24th January 1979. Your parents were John and Mary Winchester. You have a half-brother called Adam and a full-blood brother. Me - Sam Winchester. And you are my brother."

"I'm... I'm not." He muttered. Sam could feel how shaky he was and how ... scared he actually was. "I- I don't..." He shook his head even more. His throat had gone dry and he felt everyone's eyes on him. He felt he was disappointing them all, but he didn't know who they were. So how could he truly understand what he is feeling. "I... I don't remember... I don't remember you."

He had to. He had to try one more time."Dean?"

"I, uh. I- I'm sorry." He stuttered.

Sam dropped his hand from Dean's neck. He couldn't help but feel betrayed. Even though he knew that this wasn't Dean's fault. Sam stood up from the floor and walked away to a bookshelf. He placed his hand on one of the shelves to support himself. Sam felt like he could fall any second. He didn't know what to do. This wasn't scientific or medical amnesia. This was magical and based on his soul. He felt Cas' attempt at reassuring him by placing his hand on Sam's shoulder.

He just wished he could talk to Dean at least one more time.

Or talk to God to convince him to relinquish his soul.

Sam realising that his pitiful, grief ridden thoughts had given him a possible solution or at least an idea. He spun round to face Amara and Gabriel.

"Is it possible to communicate with God whilst he's inside the prison?"

They both contemplated on this proposal for a moment. Until Amara broke the silence. "There is still nothing on the tablet."

"Nothing on _this_ tablet at least." Gabriel added, adjusting his aunt's statement.

"What?" Sam asked.

"Dad created more than one of these special tablets. He created 4. In case anything should ever happen." The former Trickster began to explain. "He gave me the one that had to do with his real plan because I didn't want anything to do with his apocalypse plan between Mikey and Lucy. Because if they ever found out how to read that tablet and knew about his true plan then nothing would follow course. I know how Dad thinks. He's clever." He saw Sam look at Dean and glimpsed at his tablet on the table.

"Yeah, a little too clever." Sam muttered to himself.

"If we find the other three tablets. I bet my sweet, heavenly ass that one of them must have a way of communicating with someone inside the Prison. Or at least an always working emergency phone call to Dad."

Sam thought about this for a moment. It made sense that God had made copies of his plan should anything happen. It was a detailed and precise plan. He must've had to write it all out at some point in time. Or whatever Gods do to remember things.

"Cas? Is this possible?" He wanted to get a better view of this scenario before he let his hopes be raised.

"It sounds probable." He smiled thinking about getting Dean back. "But where would they be?"

"Not on Earth. They could be anywhere. But they'd be connected to Raphie, Mikey and Lucy somehow. They were always so sentimental." The last standing archangel was smirking. "So I better go. On this quest to hunt down these tablets."

"I'll go as well." Cas volunteered.

"Cas, buddy. I need you here." Sam admitted. "I can't handle Dean on my own. Not while he's like this."

"Sasquatch here is right. He needs you more."

"Gabriel, you can not go alone. He will need somebody to help him."

"Then I will go."

They all turned around to see Amara move from next to where Dean sat on the chair staring at the floorboards. She gracefully walked over to them. "I will help."

"Great. Family roadtrip." Gabriel's smirk dropped.

"My powers would come in useful, I should think."

"I should think so too." Gabriel looked around the library, he appeared like he was taking a panorama picture with his mind. "Well, I guess we should better start this."

"Where, whose tablet?"

"Michael's. And where? Michael's favourite place in the world: Heaven."

"Thank you." Sam said genuinely. "I mean that." And with that he hugged Gabriel.

"I know." He was released from the Moose hug only to be greeted by another one.

When Cas released him, he placed his hand on Gabriel's shoulder and looked him sincerely in the eye. "Thank you, brother. You did not have to do this, but you chose to."

"Yeah well. Gotta use that free will you and I were given by God. He made us different. Let's use it." He smiled again. And it was a very genuine smile. Almost... Human. "Alright, Auntie Amara. Ready to go?"

Sam and Cas nodded thanks to her and she slightly bowed her head in reply. Before Gabriel clicked his fingers, and they were gone.

* * *

 **Going to leave it there. Sorry. Please don't hate me but I'm tired and I have to do art coursework. Just wondering whether anyone else has heard of the Italian artist Antonio Ranocchia or is it only me? I hope you enjoyed it, if you did please then say so or show your appreciation by following or favouriting. Please go on my YouTube channel as I recently posted a new video.**

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	17. Chapter 17

**Hi. I know I deserve the guns and daggers you're aiming at me right now. But I come bearing a gift: Chapter 17!**

 **To be fair; I had an exchange, exams and I did warn you last time I updated.**

 **I just want to thank all the people who have followed and favourited this story or me! And I want to give special thanks, my appreciations and these imaginary bouquets I'm handing you to babyreaper and freetobescary because you two have reviewed probably every chapter and I really really really love you for that!**

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* * *

 _"Thank you, brother. You did not have to do this, but you chose to."_

 _"Yeah well. Gotta use that free will you and I were given by God. He made us different. Let's use it." He smiled again. And it was a very genuine smile. Almost... Human. "Alright, Auntie Amara. Ready to go?"_

 _Sam and Cas nodded thanks to her and she slightly bowed her head in reply. Before Gabriel clicked his fingers, and they were gone._

They turned around and looked at Dean. It hurt them to see their friend, their brother, their family so broken and lost. Sam walked back to Dean and put on his best fake smile to reassure Dean.

"It's gonna be alright, Dean. We're going to get you back. We're going to fix this." Sam tried to smile. His eyes though spoke different words. They told Dean that Sam felt just as broken as he did. Maybe not in the same way. Maybe never in the same way. But they all have their crosses to bear. "You're going to come back to us Dean, don't worry."

He didn't know what to say. He was still swaying slightly in his chair, his head was swimming and trying to search for something, for anything. But there were no memories, there was nothing. Not even in the places he felt were deep and dark and kept secrets. There was nothing. There was no hope.

"Do you want to lay down?" Sam asked. He saw Dean contemplate this for a moment. Sam knew he had to quickly adjust to waiting for Dean. Even when he gets his memories back, he's going to be different and Sam's going to need to help Dean more than he knew his brother would like.

Dean slowly nodded his head.

Sam took hold of his elbow and helped him up while Cas took Dean's other arm. They both started walking him to his room when they noticed how often his eyes skittered about the room. Still trying to find anything familiar.

"Wh-what is this place?" Dean stuttered.

"It's our home." Sam exhaled loudly. "It used to belong to a group of people called the Men of Letters. When they all died, it was left alone. Until you and I moved in here a couple of years ago."

They had reached his room and sat him down on the edge of the bed. His eyes swam all over the room. He was nowabsolutely desperate to find something- anything that felt even remotely familiar.

"This is... my room?"

"Yeah. You loved getting your own room."

"Why?"

"Because you haven't had one since you were four."

"Wh-what happened when I was four?"

Sam put his hand on Dean's shoulder. He never once thought he would have to tell his older brother about the night their lives were altered forever. And the ultimate plan by God and angels began. "See what happened was... um... our mum died - was killed - and we were moved around with our dad a lot."

"What-uh-what killed her?"

"Demon."

"They're real?"

"Lots of things are."

"What is... what is he?" He looked to Cas who had helped him. "Who-who are you?"

Cas was devastated when he realised how bad Dean was. And he knew Dean was in bad shape. But nothing hurt him more than this. And nothing could have prepared him for it.

"I am an Angel: Castiel. But you like to call me Cas."

"And... who-who are you... to me?"

"I am a good friend."

Dean searched his mind but it came back blank again. He started shaking his head. "I-I'm sorry."

"Do not apologise. It's not like the Dean Winchester I know."

Dean looked up and stared at Cas. "But... I... I... I'm not- I'm not him." Dean continued to stutter.

"You are." Stated Sam firmly. He saw Dean flinch and was reminded he had to also be gentle as well as patient. He sat down next to him on the bed. "Sorry. But you are Dean Winchester. You're just going through the motions again. We've been in situations as bad as this before?"

"Really?" Dean's curiosity took control. "When?"

"Well, there was the time when we had to defeat the devil and stop the apocalypse. The times we went to Hell, when I was possessed by an angel, when you became a demon, when you took on the Mark of Cain. Our lives are just one big bad situation." Dean looked disappointed and concerned. "What's wrong?"

"If our lives are so bad... then why do you want me to remember so badly? If it's just going to cause more pain, why bother?"

Sam was shocked by his brother's longing to remain forgetful and empty. But he also understood it completely. He wishes to whoever is still out there, to stop hurting him and his brother. To leave them alone, and to take all the monsters with them. So that he would never see his brother die again, or be in pain, but instead to live a life and be everything he could have been if God hadn't had singled them out all those eons ago.

"Because... I can't live without you. I can't live without my brother... And I don't want to."

He looked at his hands, as he nervously twiddled them around continuously. "It-It sounds a little... selfish... don't you think?" His head rose to look Sam in the eyes. That broken look amplified what he had said. Because it made sense.

Sam has always been aware of how selfish he and Dean have been in the past. Killing themselves so that the other can live but in the end they live without them. But they can't call it living, because living means having a life. They survive, but without one another - they can not live.

Because that's the worst part. Not one of them being dead, the fact that the other one is still alive. Alive but alone. And that's what hurts most of all. In the end, whatever creature kills them or whatever big boss battle ends them - Sam wants them to die together. They'll be together in life and in death. No matter if they go to Heaven, Hell, Purgatory or even the Empty like Billie threatened.

Sam realised he was being selfish, both brothers have been selfish all their lives. Sam had called Dean that plenty of times, when he did something stupid to save his little brother. But Sam knew that pushing each other away only causes more harm than good. Sam pushed Dean away after the incident with Gadreel and it led him to getting the Mark of Cain and being killed in that warehouse by Metatron. Sam knew that being selfish meant arguments later on. But he didn't care.

"I know. But I need you. And so does Cas, and all our family, and all our friends and all the people that we save - everyday. The world needs a Dean Winchester in it. Who else is going to kill those evil sons of bitches?"

His head fell back down and continued to awkwardly fiddle his hands like a child. "There are... there are over 7 billion people. In the world. Why does one guy make a difference?"

"Because if one guy knows things that over 7 billion people don't. Then that guy becomes very important: that guy saves people,that guy is a hero... That guy is you." Dean looked exhausted. Sam patted his brother's knee and rose from the bed. "I'll let you get some rest." He nodded in reply.

Sam and Cas walked out of the room, the silence choking them both. Before closing the door behind them, they looked back at the man who was supposed to be Dean. He had his head in his hands, and was leaning so far forward that he was nearly falling off the bed. Cas seeing Sam's face shut the door and watched his friend slide down the wall and collapse on the floor.

Cas knelt down in front of Sam.

"Sam-"

"Don't."

"What?"

"Don't apologise or try to make me feel better." Sam shook his head. His eyes giving off a dead glare. Sam was staring at the wall but he wasn't concentrating on anything. "Just don't."

"What is there... What can I do?"

"Keep me vertical. Keep me sane. Keep me from breaking down in front of him... Or better yet: keep me from breaking down period." Sam only just realised that he was now nervously twiddling with his thumbs just like Dean was. "Just make sure I keep it together..."

"It might be a while," Cas sighed, "before we have any ideas or any leads. God didn't want these tablets to be found. That's why they're hidden so well."

"Are you trying to make me feel worse or someth-"

"No, it's just," Cas interrupted. "I can not guarantee to keep you in check if I won't be able to do the same with myself. You're not the only one that's suffering Sam. Dean means a lot to me too. He's your brother. But he's also mine. You two are my family. And we will get through this. We have to."

Sam deeply exhaled after keeping bated breath from Cas' speech. "If you're worried about what to do to keep me from losing it. Just say that."

They smiled at each other and walked to the library. Where Sam poured himself a glass of whisky. And Cas grabbed a full bottle of it. They each took a long gulp before Cas' face dropped. A troubling revelation hit him like a ton of bricks.

"What?" Sam did not want another reason to keep him up a night. He already had such a long list of things he'll have nightmares over.

"If God gave tablets to Michael, Raphael and Lucifer. Raphael is dead so we won't be able to get any information from him. But if worst comes to worst-"

"Cas."

"Sam. It may be the best option, that we talk to them. Or one of them at least."

"Yeah 'cause that worked so brilliantly last time!" Sam took another large swallow. He refiled the glass and put it back down on the desk. But not before putting the bottle to his lips and taking a massive swig from it. "That's where everything... started going downhill. Faster than before. Because I went to talk to Lucifer and got trapped, Dean made an agreement to save me with Amara which meant that the link was strengthened and it ultimately led to her brother - GOD! - walking around wearing my brother's skin. Now I know how Dean felt when Satan wore me."

"Sam, go to bed. You're no good when you're like this."

"I'm fine."

"You haven't slept properly in weeks."

"What else is new?"

"Go get a couple hours."

Sam remained firm. "I need to keep an eye on Dean."

"I'll watch over him."

"That's not happening."

"Sam. Go. I'll wake you in a couple hours' time or if Dean is walking around. Whichever comes first."

He reluctantly staggered away from the library and made it to his room. The idea of sleeping was preposterous to him. Though, when his head hit the pillow, he was out like a light.

That's when the nightmares started.

They were of Dean. His deaths. His inevitable ultimate death. They were also about him being a demon but God was beside him. God had wanted him like this. Whilst the Darkness made the world go dark. Lastly, he dreamed about Dean choosing to forget Sam and everything that's happened. He was woken up from his dream when he imagined Dean with Death's scythe swinging it at his neck again.

Little did Sam know. That while Sam's head was filled with monstrosities while he slept, Dean's dreams remained as blank as an unused canvas.

* * *

 **I hope you enjoyed that!**

 **WARNING: Now I won't update this weekend as I will be at Asylum16! The only supernatural convention in England! I really hope I can get a photo with J2!**

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	18. Chapter 18

**Hi, sorry I know nearly two weeks but I was stumped and even more revising on top! Yay! Not!**

 **So I went to Asylum 16 and man that was awesome! (Even if I didn't get a photo with J2... I did however get a photo with Gabriel/Richard Speight Jr, the Hillywood Show and Jared Padalecki and Adrianne Palicki/Sam and Jess! Did any of my readers go there? Just curious.**

 **Oh and I want to thank those who reviewed, followed and favourited. You're all awesome! Internet high-five... This is awkward because I know you didn't do one back... okay... So big thanks to babyreaper, ray and BigRig2.0 - thanks for the congratulations BigRig2.0. I was thrilled when I found out I got it right. Even more so when I realised my friend had it wrong when he said Chuck could never be God. Too bad he's only on season 9 still. Nearly at season 10 though...**

 **Anywho as usual I will say:**

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* * *

 _Lastly, he dreamed about Dean choosing to forget Sam and everything that's happened. He was woken up from his dream when he imagined Dean with Death's scythe swinging it at his neck again._

 _Little did Sam know. That while Sam's head was filled with monstrosities while he slept, Dean's dreams remained as blank as an unused canvas._

Dean tossed and he turned like something was wrong, like something was missing but he couldn't put his finger on it. He sprung up suddenly from his dream but there was nothing. He couldn't remember what it was about or if he even dreamed of anything at all.

Sam's nightmares continued when he tried to get back to sleep. He imagined Dean in the cage with two very pissed off archangels. Sam watched them torture him but Dean just took it, no screaming or begging for mercy: nothing. And it wasn't his brother Dean, it was the Dean that's a few doors down the hall. He was scared, no he was absolutely petrified. But he did nothing about it, he accepted it all with a grimace. It was similar to Sam's own time in the cage all those years ago. But back then when Lucifer created visions, while his soul was in the cage and his body was running rampant upstairs and soulless, Dean screamed and yelled and called out for Sam. Begging for his brother to help him, to stop them hurting him. But Satan made sure he couldn't do anything at all. He couldn't move, or talk or look away. His eyes were glued to his tortured brother.

Sam has had these dreams since remembering Hell but they diminished when Cas absorbed it all and it broke him as well. But since he returned from the cage again, the dreams returned with him. Mocking him, a way to let him know he can never escape what happened... and he can never save his brother.

Once he awoke again, he refused to go back to sleep and return to the goddamn awful place in his mind. He changed his clothes and met Cas in the library.

"How did you sleep?"

"Brilliantly." He grinned sarcastically. "I wished I stayed sleep deprived."

"That wouldn't have helped anyone."

"It would've helped me. I didn't to be reminded in my sleep of what's happening when I'm awake."

"I am sorry, but you needed rest."

"Yeah, yeah I know Cas." He patted him on the back and went to grab a cup of coffee. As he poured, he heard footsteps follow behind him. "How was Dean last night?" He asked the angel.

"Fine, thanks..." Sam turned around and faced his brother wearing an old black t-shirt and some jogging bottoms.

"Sorry, I thought you were Cas."

He tried his best to remember. He really did. But his mind was wiped clean. "Cas?"

"Castiel."

"Yeah, uh... He's um... the angel... in the trench-coat?"

"Yeah, yeah that's Cas." He watched as Dean walked over to the table and sat down on the bench. Sam smiled, remembering when Dean smiled with Cas and Charlie. Very near the end of Dean's solo journey with the mark of Cain, before the darkness was released upon... well, everything really. It seemed like a forever ago, but it wasn't that long ago, when Sam was desperately trying to do anything to rid his big brother of the oldest curse known to anything. Sam put a black coffee in front of his brother. He heard him mumble a quiet 'thanks', to which Sam replied with a quiet 'no problem'.

"Angels, demons, what else? Is God real?" He sipped from the cup.

"Yes. But not around. And probably not for a while longer."

"Why?"

"'cause he's a dick."

"You can't call the Lord a dick."

"Seriously? You've been calling him that your whole-" Sam trailed off, realising his mistake.

"Well, I uh. I don't remember my whole life."

Sam shamefully looked down. "Sorry, but uh... you're going to have to give me time with this as well. You may have lost your memory but... you don't know what you've lost. I know what I've lost." He raised his head and looked into Dean's confused and melancholy green eyes. "I've lost my brother... again."

"Yeah. I don't remember what I've lost. But that sucks too. It's- it feels... It feels like nothing. Inside, I feel: empty, hollow... like there's some great abyss and I'm just in the darkness. I'm not even alive. It's must be like death."

"Trust me, this is nothing like death... This is worse."

"You've- you've died before?"

"A fair few times yeah, but not as much as you."

"What?" His brow furrowed in confusion. "I've died... a lot? How is that possible? How am I still here?"

"Because you have people you love you, who wouldn't let you go."

"Who gives you..." Dean began, "the right? Why do you get to decide if I live or die? It's my body, it's my life. I get to decide when it ends."

"Don't talk like that." Sam begged.

"Why not?!" His voice was raised and loud but not as loud as the pain spoken from only his eyes. Pain he couldn't comprehend. It was a phantom pain. And it's been there long before Dean hosted God in his body, went into the prison that God created to contain the oldest living thing in the world and Dean's soul was split. "I'm an abomination! I'm an abhorrent freak of nature! Why should I live?"

"Because you help people!" Sam shouted. He jumped up from the table. "Because there are 7 frickin' billion people out there now who would be dead if it weren't for you!" He hit the table in front of Dean, he expected his brother to flinch and cower with his current state of mind being so fragile. But he didn't.

He stood up as well, facing his not-so-little little brother. "And how many are dead because of me? Why should I get to live and they die? I used to save people maybe but I can't now! SO WHY AM I EVEN ALIVE GODDAMMIT?!" He slunk back onto the bench. He took a few deep breaths and choked out: "Why am I even alive?"

He looked defeated and weary and tired. But not sleepy-tired, more like life-is-exhausting kind of tiredness. Like this life has finally beaten him down, and he's waiting for the end of it all. Sam remembered when Dean got back from Hell, he kept saying 'I'm tired Sam', 'I'm tired Sammy', 'I'm just tired'. He was very willing to die back then because he didn't believe that he deserved to be alive. Hell did a number on him, and when he was in the hospital after Alistair, the nurses and doctors kept him in for observation on his clearly broken mental state. They told Sam that he was suffering from depression most likely and that it was a very common problem, Sam just replied with 'He's been through more Hell than you can imagine.' They of course didn't understand how literal he was being. He could how done his brother was then, and he could see how done his brother is right now.

"And don't say 'because you're my brother'. I'm not your brother... not 'this me' anyway. I'm not the brother you've saved, I-I-I I'm not him... I'm not your brother... and you're not mine..." The pause was killing Sam, just as much as Dean's last statement. "We're not brothers, so just forget it." He got up and walked away.

Sam finally cracked. He broke down and wept. He didn't care. If couldn't care less if Crowley walked in now and mocked him. Nothing has ever and could ever hurt him more than how he's hurting right now. _'This must have been what Dean was feeling when I told I wouldn't save him if he was dying...'_ Sam thought.

"Sam?" Cas asked coming into the kitchen. "Sam, are you okay?" Sam shook his head profusely. And stuttered out a 'no'. How could he be okay? He just lost his brother.

"We'll get him back." Cas eyes' narrowed and his lips thinned, he was deadly serious.

"God, I hope so..." His eyes glistened with tears. "Do you think we could contact Gabriel? See if they've found anything?"

"Sam, it's only been a day. They will need time."

"But we're not just talking about anybody. This isn't the three of us trying to find a cure or a gun. It's the sister of God and an archangel. I'd say with that kind of power they could do it a lot faster."

"They probably could. But they're also up against the brains and wit of three other archangels. Even with Amara's power, the search will take longer than a day or two." Cas admitted.

"I just... I want him back." Sam whined.

"I know. You and I both." Cas paused for a moment. "We may have it hard. But so does Dean."

"That's what he was saying a few minutes ago."

"Well he's not wrong. I was able to look at his soul last night..." Cas head fell shaking, "it was awful. I could see the cracks and the breaks. These aren't hairline fractures or clean breaks. These spread from the foundation to the top, it is a miracle he is still alive and well."

"What are you saying?" He asked.

"I'm saying if something damaging where to happen in this state, then the effects might not be reversible." Cas wished he didn't have to tell Sam this. He didn't want to be the one make Sam sadder and for the tears to continue rolling.

"So what? What are you suggesting?"

"I don't know. And if it was bad enough with the flawed plan already-"

"What?"

"Sam, if we were able to communicate with God - if - and he were to restore Dean's soul and he would remember everything... it could heal the cracks completely or let it all crumble."

"We have to try."

"You would risk his life, to possibly make him worse?"

"It's not your choice."

"You're right!" Cas bellowed, shocking Sam. "And it's not yours either! The only person who can decide what happens is Dean. Not me, not Amara, not you."

"Dean isn't Dean right now. I know what'd he want. He'd want to stick around as long as he could, so he could look after me, you, everyone. It's what he would choose."

"Really?" Asked Cas. "Because I heard what he said to you a few minutes ago. And it sounded exactly like what Dean would've said if he were completely him." Cas suddenly became more gentle when he saw the tears roll down Sam's cheeks again. "It's his life... humph... We will try to find a way to communicate with God, then we will see what the next step is from there... We're not giving up Sam."

"Really? Because from where I stand, it sure sounds like it." He gave up and walked away.

He sat in his bedroom, he wandered around. His voice now raw from his shouting match with Sam.

 _'Sam: my brother, my little brother. Cas-Castiel: my friend, an angel.' He_ repeated in his head to remember.

He moved to his desk and moved aside all the porno mags and the records. He saw what he assumed were his handwritten notes. He assumed all of this was his considering they told him it was his room.

 _'Mine. Me. I am Dean Winchester.'_ He also repeated in his head like a loop.

He then saw an old photograph. He had know idea who they were, there wasn't anyone in the photo he recognised. It was a man with black hair and a scruffy beard, he was with a beautiful blonde woman. They were both smiling and happy. He pondered on the fact that they could be his parents. After all, Sam said their mum died, when he was... four? He then flipped the photo and saw that he was right. The back said a time and place:

 **Mary and John Winchester - Mary's birthday (December 5th 1981)**

They looked so happy.

Was it because of him, she was dead? And where was his father now? Estranged or dead as well?

Does everyone he love end up dead?

He looked through more of his photos, and most of them from what he could tell were of him and Sam when they were younger. But there was still a hand full of photos of other people. He found a photo with two girls at a bar, one was clearly older than the other. _'Maybe mother and daughter?'_ The back said their names were Ellen and Jo and it said that some guy called Ash took the picture. Another one was of two young girls and maybe their mother, he assumed it was some sort of family picture - Jody, Alex and Claire. He next found one that he was in with Sam and some old guy named Bobby. Another one with this Bobby who was standing next another old guy who apparently was Rufus. There was a bad quality picture taken from a phone or something of a mother and son together, the back said their names were Kevin and Linda Tran. And finally there were a couple of pictures with this one girl, she had red hair and a contagious smile. She really was happy. She wasn't like the people in the rest of the photos, she genuinely seemed happy to be alive. He wouldn't mind meeting this Charlie.

* * *

 **Well I hoped you liked it. I just hope these are satisfying enough. Sorry, I wish they could be longer but I like leaving them like this. Hopefully more action in the chapters to come. Not nearing the end yet fellas!**

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	19. Chapter 19

**Hi again. Not too shabby - two new chapters in one week. I hope I can post another before the finale but I don't know. But hey, we're nearly there and I can't handle it! This will be my first wait for a new season to start and I'm already hyperventilating at the thought!**

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 **watch?v=wsyQSPl3LLA**

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* * *

 _Does everyone he love end up dead?_

 _..._

 _And finally there were a couple of pictures with this one girl, she had red hair and a contagious smile. She really was happy. She wasn't like the people in the rest of the photos, she genuinely seemed happy to be alive. He wouldn't mind meeting this Charlie._

He woke up from his nap, he kept sleeping in hopes that when he woke up he would remember... well everything. But there was still nothing. He saw the photos on the bedside desk and his curiosity got the better of him. He wanted to know more about Dean Winchester and all these people in the photographs. He wanted to know who and where all these people are. It took him a little while longer after waking up, to buck up the courage to go ask Sam and Cas about them.

He walked out of his room and got lost very quickly on his way of trying to find either Sam or Cas. He became confused because of the many twists and turns and the incredibly high amount of long identical corridors. He wondered how this place could even be considered home, it was a war office more than anything else. It had nothing that even looked reminiscent of a home. He remembered vaguely of Sam saying this place is a bunker that used to belong to some kind of ex-organisation. The memory felt clouded and foggy though, like everything was when he first woke up. He hoped that it would fade and that it would be all okay by the time he woke up again. But no. He woke up in the same state as how he fell asleep: clueless. He felt useless here and unnecessary. But he longed to know more about Dean.

He stared at the tiled walls and the numbered doors hoping to arouse a memory, or anything really. But nothing happened - as suspected.

Eventually, he made his way to the library where he saw Sam and Cas sitting in awkward silence and reading books about as thick as he felt.

"Uh... hey."

This made them both jump from their seats as they watched him cross the room.

"Hi, are... are you okay?" The concern rose in Sam's voice.

"Yeah. Yeah. I just - I wanted to find out, more about me. I guess..." He replied.

"Okay." Sam breathed in relief that this had nothing to do with their argument a couple hours earlier.

"And about the people in these." He held up the photos in his hand, to show Sam.

"Sure, take a seat." Sam gestured to all the chairs in the vast library.

He slowly walked to the long table that both Cas and Sam were sat at and sat next to Sam and opposite Cas. He laid the pile of photographs on top of a short stack of books. He started twiddling with his fingers again.

"So, what do you want to know?" Castiel asked gently.

"Whatever really. I mean, who am I?" He asked vaguely. "All I know is, I know - or I should know about monsters, you're my brother, you're my angel friend and I apparently save people."

"You do. You hunt monsters and you do save people." Said Cas. "You do everything you can to save people. Your loved ones, strangers, and even your enemies."

"What else?"

Sam smirked a little, thinking of ways to sum up Dean. "You love your Baby, pie, rock music."

"My baby?" He looked rather confused. "I have a child?"

"No, Baby is your car. It's... it's what you call your car." Sam hated to think that he had also forgotten about her. Even worse, Dean would hate to think that he could ever forget about her. "It's a 1967 Chevrolet Impala. It's in the garage if you want to take a look."

"Maybe later." He shrugged.

"Sure. You should know, that if there is one thing you care about more than the two of us," Sam gestured to himself and Cas, "it's her. Dad gave her to you when you turned 18."

"Dad. Yeah, that reminds me..." He pulled out the photo he found of Mary and John Winchester from 1981 from the pile. "You said that she died - that she was killed by a demon. But why and what... what happened to him?" He pointed at his parents.

Sam exhaled and leaned back into his chair. He looked over to Cas who eyes were averted and found a sudden interest in the book that laid closed in front of him. "Um, it's a long, long, long-ass story." Dean gestured to him to continue. "Well, really long story short. A demon killed our mum because they wanted me to be the vessel of the devil and you the vessel of Michael the Archangel. So the demon killed our mum and my girlfriend to make sure we stay on the path that would ultimately lead to the apocalypse. But don't worry, we stopped it."

"We?"

"Us three, and Bobby-" Dean stopped him from speaking and held up a photo of him and Sam with Bobby.

"Him?"

"Yeah, that's him." Sam smiled.

"And what about Dad? Did he help with the apocalypse?"

"No. No he couldn't. This was about 6 years ago now and he died nearly ten years ago now." Sam hung his head.

Dean sighed, he wished for better news but this was what he knew deep down. He figured that if he wasn't here, it was because he couldn't be. After losing one parent, normally a family becomes closer. He would be here if he could. "How did he die?" Sam remained silent though. "Sam? How did he die?"

"He was killed by the same demon that killed mum."

"Why?" Dean scrunched up his face. When Sam didn't answer again, he knew that he was avoiding the question. "Sam, tell me why. I need to know."

"He made a deal with the demon..." Sam prayed he didn't have to say the next part. But he did. "His soul in exchange for your life."

"What?"

"There was a car crash. You were hurt before it happened but after the crash... you were dying. The doctors told us to be realistic and to prepare for the worst. But we weren't going to let you die. You didn't deserve it. While I was looking for ways to heal you, Dad summoned the demon and made the deal. Dad's soul in hell, if the demon saved you."

"So he died because of me?"

"No, he died for you. To save you." Sam said, a tear falling down his face. He thought they were past this. That they had accepted what happened with their father, but that was before Dean forgot.

"How is that any different?"

"He died so that you could keep fighting in his place."

He covered his mouth with his hand and wiped his face. "How many others died because of me?"

"Dean-"

"Tell me."

"I'm not going to name them all." Sam refused.

"Fine then," he grabbed the rest of the photos and went through them one by one, "Who are these people, are they still alive? Jo and Ellen. What about the guy who took the photo Ash? Are they dead?" Sam nodded slightly, hoping it would go amiss. Of course, he saw it. "How?"

"They're family friends, I guess... Ash- he was killed by demons, so that we couldn't get the information that he had for us. Ellen and Jo died on a hunt, Jo was hurt pretty bad and Ellen wasn't going to leave her. So they blew up the store that we were hiding in and killed all the monsters."

"We? We were there? Did they die for us?" He impatiently asked. "Did they?"

"Yes. We were going to kill the devil. But we couldn't."

"So they died for nothing." He admitted.

"No, Dean. It was my fault." Cas interrupted abruptly. "I was too distracted by the number of reapers in town. I should have stayed with you all. I could have just killed the hell hounds and then they would still be alive. If you want to blame someone, then blame me."

His head fell and he sorted through the photos. "Who are these people?"

"Oh, Jody's a friend. She took in Alex and Claire when they had nowhere else to go. They're alive and living in Sioux Falls."

"Where are the girls' parents?"

"Alex was kidnapped when she was a kid, she doesn't know her parents. We rescued her and Jody kind of adopted her."

"And Claire."

"She is my vessel's daughter."

"Your vessel?"

"Angels don't have physical forms. We have to use humans as vessels in order to stay on earth."

"You're... possessing someone?"

"No, not anymore. This vessel is empty now. Jimmy Novak - Claire's father - was killed by an archangel." Cas then quickly added. "Again, that was my fault."

"But we didn't stop you."

"At the time, the ends justified the means. Jimmy sacrificed himself to save the world. I don't see a more righteous ending?"

"How about him living his life with his wife and daughter until he naturally dies?"

"In our line of work, there is no natural death."

"Never?"

"No. No one in this life, dies of old age." Sam admitted.

"Not even these guys?" He held up the photo of Rufus and Bobby, scowling at the camera. Dean let it drop onto the table, as he took the next photo from the pile. It was the one with Sam and Dean and Bobby.

Sam sighed and closed his eyes. "No, uh. They both died. On the job."

"Does no one ever consider that they're in the wrong line of business?" Dean addressed the point that every hunter struggles with at some time in their lives.

"No, because this job saves lives." Sam picked up the next photo. "We saved her life. She is still alive because we saved her."

Dean frowned for a moment and looked at the photo of Mrs Tran and Kevin. "What about the kid? Is he dead too?"

"Yes." Sam reluctantly said. After Dean had stared daggers into his head.

"How?"

"You don't want to know."

"You're right I don't... He's just a kid. How old was he?"

"He was eighteen."

"Eighteen? You're freaking kidding me. How does a child get into this life?"

"He was a prophet of the Lord, he was chosen by God." Cas interfered. "There was nothing he or you or anyone could have to prevent this."

"But does that make it right? All these people, you say were my family, my friends... How many of them have we gotten killed?" Sam saw that he had a couple of photos left, he wanted to get this moment over with and picked the rest of them up. Oh God, how he wished he hadn't. "Is she dead?" Dean asked him. Sam suddenly couldn't answer, the lump in his throat grew. He didn't even turn to Cas for back-up. Sam simply stared at the photos and realised what saving Dean had cost them. A tear ran down his face and before he knew it, Dean was up and walked away.

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 **I hope that was good. I would really like to post at least one more chapter before the finale but if not I will still keep it going!** **Please check out my Youtube channel, please check out my amino profile - WantedDeadOrAlive.**

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	20. Chapter 20

**HELLOOOOOO! Who else's heart was ripped out by the finale?! I know mine was! It was so amazing and SPOILER ALERT - I really thought Dean was going to die again. I'm glad he didn't but now we have to wait until October to find out what happened with Mary and Dean and Sam and that British bitch! Sorry, I'm glad that we have another British actress on the show but seriously? A DOUBLE CLIFFHANGER!**

 **Thank you to all those who followed and favourited me and this story. It always means a lot. Special thank you to babyreaper and I agree this person isn't Dean. And I hope to be writing in the real Dean soon.**

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 **...and enjoy CHAPTER TWENTY! I REACHED TWENTY CHAPTERS!**

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 _"Is she dead?" Dean asked him. Sam suddenly couldn't answer, the lump in his throat grew. He didn't even turn to Cas for back-up. Sam simply stared at the photos and realised what saving Dean had cost them. A tear ran down his face and before he knew it, Dean was up and walked away._

Sam sat there even after he couldn't hear Dean's footsteps anymore. He simply sat and stared at the photograph that he now held in his hands: it was one of the selfie that she had made Sam print for Dean and him to keep. It was Charlie in between Sam and Dean, the two of them were just smiling lightly for the camera but Charlie was making funny faces. She took multiples of them, for some of them she managed to get Dean and Sam to genuinely laugh and even do a funny face. Sam had stuck his tongue out, Charlie made a fish face and Dean did his blue steel mugshot pose. The photo should arise happy memories but it only increased his heartbreak and his guilt. Sam couldn't take anymore of either. He let the photo fall onto the table.

"Sam. Maybe it's time we start thinking of what we should do to speed this process along."

"Fine." Sam said immediately. Cas had expected him to at least think about it for a moment.

"Fine?"

"Yeah. Let's go back downstairs."

"I didn't know there was another level below us." Cas questioned.

"Cas, we're going to Hell." Sam grabbed his phone and his gun. He called 666 and waited for the other end to pick up.

"Hell's bells how may I help you?"

"Crowley."

"Moose!" He delightfully exclaimed. "It's only been a few days, but I feel like it's been an age? Tell me, how's Dean?" He asked. "Is it still like a bad soap opera episode down there?"

"I need to go to Hell."

"Oh, so very bad."

"What for?"

"To speak with Lucifer."

"Bloody Hell, again?! Didn't last time end up badly enough?" He yelled through the phone. "Do you boys never learn?"

"We don't need to be in the Cage, we just need to ask Lucifer about something that can help Dean. Or at least speed everything up." Sam sighed. "Are you in?"

"Why should I be? I finally get Dean Winchester off my arse and you're too busy playing mummy with him. Why should I help at all?"

"Because I have a seraph, an archangel and the Darkness on my side." Sam waited for the reply.

"Is he going to help or not?" Cas asked Sam.

"Of course I will. I told you, I don't want to die again."

"Well a simple yes, would suffice." Sam snapped. He had always hated it when someone - anyone - appears in the room with them. And that includes Cas.

"And what's the fun in that? About as fun as using the door." He scoped the place, looking for the amnesiac. "So where is the Bourne Identity?"

"In his room I think."

"Oh, are you two not speaking? Pity, remind me to send a get well soon card after all this."

"Are you done?" Sam asked in a very bored voice.

"For now." He walked to Cas and Sam and stood in between them. "Mother's waiting." He put his hands on their shoulders and they were immediately in his throne room. Where Rowena sat on the throne waiting.

"Samuel, Angel Cheeks. Good to see you boys again." She smiled, though the collar was still on.

"No tricks this time." Sam said as he watched her gather the her ingredients.

Cas pulled him aside for a moment. "What about Dean? Shouldn't one of us be watching him?"

"We'll be very quick, don't worry. I'm sure he's down for his nap anyway." Rowena giggled.

Cas waited impatiently for the answer. "Sam?"

"We'll be quick." He replied as they walked out the door towards where the Cage is kept.

The walk had felt this long last two times Sam walked down it. His worries and anxieties were tied in as big a knot back then as well. But this time, Sam knew Dean wouldn't be able to come and save him, Sam knew that he wasn't going to find Dean miraculously in the cage. He knew would have to do this himself. When they made it to the cage, Sam began having flashbacks of the last times he was here and the long time he spent with Lucifer in the Cage, all those years ago.

Whilst Sam felt he could do nothing but pray for this whole nightmare to be over quickly, Rowena stood in front of the Cage and repeated the same wardings and protection spells as previously. Except this time, she painted one of the symbols on Sam, Cas, herself and Crowley. They all stood there wondering.

"So this was the one thing missing from last time?" Sam asked.

"With this, there's no way he can grab you and pull you in the cage." She smiled that sickly sweet smile that shadowed her secrets and sins.

"Are you sure we can trust her?" Cas' worried words spoke how they all felt in the moment about Rowena. She has always been in it for her own personal gain, so what would make this time any different to the last time Sam wanted to speak with Lucifer.

However, Rowena had always been able to find comfort in the fact that she was trusted by no one. "My, my, Samuel. Didn't anyone ever tell you? Never trust a woman and especially never trust one with magic."

"No. But she won't do anything against us. As long as I tell her not to." Crowley replied to Sam, ignoring his mother entirely.

"Shall we get started?" She asked, expecting someone to answer. Instead the three of them shared uneasy looks. All of them were terrified of Lucifer.

And they should be.

"Yes." Cas eventually answered.

"Thank you feathers." She said before beginning to chant. As she did so, the wardings glowed like the last time. But now, the wardings on each of their arms glowed too. They expected it to burn, but if anything, it tickled. She finished chanting and the flames that surrounded the cage spat and hissed as they spread and grew. Sam's nerves grew with the fire, as did Cas'. Considering he hadn't seen the ritual before, he appeared very calm. Which admittedly, made Sam feel a bit more relaxed. He knew he had his friend - no - his brother by his side helping him to fix their brother. Sam's thoughts were interrupted when the flames continued to grow until they roared and reached above the top of the cage. They suddenly fell as hastily as they grew, revealing the Devil himself.

Lucifer walked across his cage. Like an animal, he carefully watched the humans cautiously leering inside, as if they were at the zoo. But this creature was far more dangerous than an average lion or wolf at the zoo. And they all knew that, even Rowena who both loved and feared the Archangel.

"Sammy? Back so soon?" He smiled sadistically. "Miss me too much?"

"We're here to talk about God."

"Yeah, thought so. You know, when I dragged your brother down to the real Cage. I thought I was going to have centuries of fun torturing him. But no, he wanted answers for his girlfriend. How are they anyway? How's auntie Amara and... what do I call him now? Uncle Dean? Have they found God?"

"Been there, done that. We need new information." Sam remarked.

"What? You've seen God?"

"Yes." Cas spoke for everyone. "A while ago now."

"What happened? Daddy let you down?"

"Daddy's gone. He's locked away like the Darkness was." Sam admitted. Lucifer stared t him with wide eyes. No one knew if he was going to start crying or burst into song or dance.

Instead, he began to laugh hysterically. When he controlled his laugh to minimal giggle, he continued to speak. "When you next see Amara, tell her that her nephew loves her." He felt relieved. "God's gone... How did they manage that?"

"That doesn't matter-"

"Oh it does... Because if you want info from me then I'm going to need something in return. I'm obviously not going to return topside any time soon, so story time will have to do."

Sam breathed deeply, trying to register all that has happened since he last saw Lucifer. "When Dean crawled out of Hell, we knew that he changed. That his connection with Amara had taken over. He left us to go find God, that meant going to Heaven and fixing it in return for answers."

"He fixed Heaven?" Satan was speechless for once in his long, long... long life. "What's it like?"

"Like when it was first created." Cas answered. "It's beautiful."

"Does that mean everyone's got their wings back?" He saw Castiel nod. "Even you little brother?" He nodded again hesitantly, disgusted by the fact that they were in fact brothers. "So what did he do next?"

"Not long after that, we found God."

"Where was he? Vacationing on Mars?"

"We met him in Stull Cemetery."

"Seriously? He stole that from me!" Lucifer was pathetically furious at his father. It was pitiful really.

"Anyway, it turns out that our whole lives- everyone's, even yours after you were caged and the apocalypse you caused, everything was to prepare Dean for that moment. It had all been a set up so he could get the mark from Cain. Which I would want off him, releasing the Darkness for God to have a final battle with using my brother as a vessel."

"Why? What makes Dean Winchester so special?"

"He was Jesus." Cas responded casually.

"What?"

He continued. "In his past life, or his first life really; he was the son of God."

Lucifer shook his head and chuckled. He wiped his hand across his face and stared at Sam. "I knew there was something I hated about him. More so than every aspect of his personality." He continued to shake his head in disbelief. "Wait so if Daddy possessed poor Dean-o then that would mean..."

"Dean was trapped too."

"Was? Right, right of course. Little Sammy can't live without his big brother, can he? Once again, breaking the rules for each other." He frowned. But Sam didn't care and he told Lucifer that. "You don't care. Of course, because you were the one that unleashed the Darkness unto the world in order to save him. Why should anything make a difference?" He smirked. "What did you break this time?"

"Dean." Sam replied without looking up.

"Oh, what happened? Big brother came back too damaged from auntie Amara's prison?" Everyone remained silent. "C'mon. I wanna know!"

"When the Darkness pulled Dean out of the prison, God held on to a large piece of his soul..." Cas closed his eyes and imagined he was talking to anyone else in the entire world instead of Lucifer. "He doesn't remember anything."

Lucifer laughed viciously and uncontrollably again. He was hysterical. He was overjoyed. He was making Sam and Cas' blood boil.

"And you want me to do what about that?"

"God made four special tablets. One for each of his Archangels. That was how we managed to get Dean back. We want to know if you know what's on your tablet and if it is useful, where do we find it?"

"Where did you get the first one from?"

"We have Gabriel's-"

"Gabriel? He's alive?"

"You can't trick the Trickster. You may taught him what you know, but that's not all he knows."

"Thank Dad!" Lucifer shouted, making everyone jump. "I mean, I hated that I had to kill him... But knowing that little bro's alive - that's brilliant news. Second only to finding out that Dean can't remember little brother Sammy." He was still smiling.

"Where is your tablet?"

"I'm sorry boys, I'm not going to tell you-"

"Lucifer, so help me-" Sam began to yell.

"Whoa, easy tiger." These words made Sam flinch. Satan knew that these were the first words Dean had said to him since Sam ditched his family for college. "I will help, but I'm not telling you. I want to speak with Gabriel... And only Gabriel."

Sam sighed and turned to everyone. He forgot that Crowley and Rowena were even there. "Cas, do you know where Gabriel is?"

"I'm trying to communicate with him now." Cas replied. His eyes were screwed shut, as he used angel radio. "I've got him." Cas opened his eyes to see all the people around him - including the Devil - waiting for news. "He's coming."

"How long will he be?"

"Not long, I'd say." Gabriel responded. He turned to Crowley and smiled. "You left the door open."

Standing beside Gabriel was Amara, she looked furious at Lucifer. "Hello dear nephew."

"Hey... well I did not expect you to be here. Isn't this an awkward family reunion." He grinned. "Welcome, to my... Cage."

"God, took inspiration from my prison I see." She commented.

"Yes well. I guess Dad's punishments for his family are just repeats of his one-hit wonder." Amara grew tired of Lucifer's attitude. But she was ignored when he turned to see his brother. "Hello Gabriel. How have you been?"

"You mean, since you thought you killed me?" He raised his eyebrows, assuming Lucifer would have some witty comeback. But he remained silent. "I've been better. I'm just having some quality time with my favourite aunt and y'know, trying to save the Winchesters again. Nothing much."

"It's good to see you."

"Really?

"Really. I regret having you killed - or what I assumed was killed. You were always my favourite."

"What about Michael?"

"I've spent enough time with Michael to realise that he and I... we were never as close as you and I are - or were."

"And that's what you brought me here to say."

"Yes. Gabriel, I'm... I'm sorry." Those words shocked them all, even Amara though her face remained stoic.

"Wow." Was all Gabriel could muster up in response.

"And the place where I left the tablet, I wanted only you to know where to look."

"Why?" Sam interrupted.

"Because it's an important place to me. I don't want it to be tainted by demons, angels or the Winchesters." Lucifer barked. "Leave Gabriel and I alone to talk, and he'll get you the tablet."

Cas and Sam shared worried glances. They then simultaneously moved their eyes to see Gabriel's blank face. "You guys go, big bro and I need to talk."

"I will stay." Amara said.

"Look, Amara-" Satan began.

"I. Will. Stay." Amara commanded. She turned to Crowley and Rowena. "I will send him back, there is no need for your witchcraft."

Lucifer smirked. "Well, it was great seeing you all again..." he turned to Sam, still grinning, "see you soon Sam."

Amara waved her hand and they were back in the throne room. They were all still shocked at the events of the last few minutes alone. No one spoke, no one knew what to say. Not even Crowley or Rowena had a snarky comment to add to the already uncomfortable circumstances.

Finally, it was Sam who spoke. "Cas, we need to get back to Dean." Cas nodded in reply.

"Lovely teaming up with you boys again." Rowena smiled.

"Come back to Hell whenever." Crowley added flirtatiously.

Cas placed his hand on Sam's shoulder and immediately, they were back in the Bunker. The dusty smell from the library assaulted their noses, the aroma was of course much stronger to Cas than Sam but the scent had always comforted them. Before anything else, they both made their way to Dean's room. Sam knocked on the door three times. He was so used to hearing music blaring from the other side of the door, or unwanted sexual noises that he knew came from Dean's laptop. When Dean was normal, the silence was worrying, now it was expected.

"Dean? You in there?" Sam asked knocking again. He banged on the door once more. "DEAN! Open up!" Before he lost his temper, and put his fist through the door banging, he grabbed the handle and opened the door. Only to find the room empty of his brother. "DEAN?" Sam began to call through the halls of the Bunker. Cas copied Sam and called for Dean as well. But he was not here.

"Where's Dean, Cas?"

"I don't know." He replied. "Would he have gone out?"

"Gone out where? He doesn't know where he is!" Sam argued. He ran into the garage and took a quick inventory of all the cars. They were all there, even the Impala. But one vehicle was missing. Where it should be parked was a note.

 _Gone out to clear head._  
 _Don't know when I'll be back._  
 _I'll be fine._

Dean had gone out of the Bunker, and he took the motorcycle with him.

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 **Hey. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I have the rest of my exams in the next two weeks but after then I'm free of all of them! Hopefully - hopefully! it means I will have more time for this. But I'm not making any promises because evidence shows I am shit at updating regularly enough.**

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	21. Chapter 21

**My deepest deepest deepest apologies for not updating in a long, long, long, long, long, long, long, long time. But I can explain somewhat:**

 **1\. I have a job now that takes up my weekends. 2. I have lots and lots of homework. 3. I kind of failed my exams so I have extra work to do. 4. I have slipped and as it turns out, need to be reminded daily to always keep fighting as most days I can't remember why I should 5. I procrastinate... a lot. 6. I haven't been writing because I've been reading. 7. I'm back at school. 8. I didn't know how to do this chapter. 9. When I thought I knew how I was going to do this chapter, it becomes deleted. 10. It took even longer to remember how I wanted to do it again after I lost it.**

 **So those are my excuses. They're poor but I've got literally nothing else.**

 **I truly hope you can forgive me and please thank Dragonblaze66 for kicking my arse into gear in order to finish the chapter.**

 **Speaking of which: begin!**

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 _But one vehicle was missing. Where it should be parked was a note._

 _Gone out to clear head._  
 _Don't know when I'll be back._  
 _I'll be fine._

 _Dean had gone out of the Bunker, and he took the motorcycle with him._

When Dean left Sam and Cas together in the library, he was fuming and filled with grief he didn't understand. He didn't know that girl, he had never seen her before in his life yet he missed her. Though, perhaps it was more guilt than grief. He had begun to realise how many people suffered either at the hands of him or because they knew him. When he had asked Sam how many people had died because of him, Sam refused to name them all. That statement alone meant there was going to be a long long long list. He couldn't deal with that.

Sam and Cas assumed that he went to his room but Dean didn't. He leaned against a wall and slid down wondering if there was any point to... well anything at all. So when he heard them leave, Dean was more than eager to do the same. Even if it was only for an hour or so, but he couldn't stay anymore in this graveyard full of supposed dead friends and family.

He grabbed a wallet and a phone and walked around the Bunker for ages to try and find a way out, like a simple door or something. Dean eventually found a sign pointing to the garage and made his way there. Once inside, he was filled with awe at the sight of such beautiful cars and bikes, he knew one of them belonged to him. Sam had told him it was his "baby". But his eyes landed on one of the motorbikes at the end, it was deep red, like spilt blood, an extremely large windshield and an old satchel with an even older tin head inside it. He tossed it aside and admired it even more. His admiration suddenly became curiosity which soon morphed into a desire to ride the red beast. He began to felt bad at what Sam might think when he returned to find him gone. He grabbed the browned notepad from the satchel and jotted down a quick note to his 'brother' and 'friend'.

He gladly pushed open the huge doors that led to an underground tunnel that must eventually lead outside. And he was right. As soon as he left the tunnel on the bike, he was welcomed by a incredibly chilling, winter breeze that didn't faze him but instead feel more free. Free from Sam, free from Castiel, free from Dean. Dean was as much of a stranger as the rest of them. But in that moment he let it all go and simply rode through town, then through the town after that, then the town after that. Until he stopped at some seedy, sleazy side-road bar.

' _Perfect._ ' He thought smiling. He didn't know this but if Sam could have seen him right then, he would assume all was right and Dean was Dean again.

He would have walked in there large as life he were normal, if he knew who he was or how he acted. But he knew nothing of himself. So he crept in and asked the gorgeous, young, blonde bartender for a double scotch. She smiles and obliges but he doesn't act on it. On anything besides ordering a few more shots.

"Honey, why don't you slow down?" She smiled. "If you're not careful you're going to wake up tomorrow not knowing who you are."

Dean chuckled. "Too late." He muttered to himself. "Fine then, what would you recommend?"

She giggled. "Well, you can never go wrong with a simple beer."

"Sounds great." He replies as she gets a bottle of El Sol from behind her, neither of them knowing it was his favourite beer. It wasn't long until he finished the bottle and decided he would go hit up a liquor store and get blitzed by himself alone in an empty motel room.

But before he could, the barmaid practically leapt from behind the counter to stop him from leaving so soon. "Hey, um. If you want, you could always have another beer, on me, and wait until my shift is over. Which is in 20 minutes." He had to admit he was tempted but his heart just wasn't in it. "I would love to get to know you."

"You and me both," he said before pushing her slightly out of the way. "Sorry maybe next time."

He made it to the door but stopped when he heard her say from behind him. "Next time isn't an option." Dean turned around only to be hit in the head with a empty bottle of jack. He fell to the floor, the head wound wasn't bleeding that badly but it still hurt like hell.

"What the-?" He tried to formulate the words but suddenly it all went dark after seeing the welt and heel of some guy's hardened, leather boots.

He came to slowly and sluggishly. His head felt like a truck had loaded a tonne of bricks on top of it, leaving the worst headache ever, not to mention the hangover did no help. He feebly lifted his head up. His sight was blurry to say the least, the small dim light that hung from the ceiling was blinding, but his vision became clear enough to notice the figure walking towards him. Dean tried to move, only to realise he had been tied to a chair.

"Well, well, well. Dean Winchester." It wasn't the female bartender. "Honestly, after everything I heard, I would've thought that you would be harder to catch. Off your game tonight then?"

He once again tried to make the words come out of his mouth, but the pounding and thumping in his head made it more difficult. He finally got the words out: "W-what do you want?"

She stopped smiling. "Well, I'd like my family back. But that isn't going to happen is it?" The blurriness began to fade and he realised that the room was a lot more crowded than he initially thought. There was about fifteen or so people in the room, all angry, all in plaid, all carry a weapon of some kind; gun, knife, baseball bat, you name it and surely one of them was carrying it. "And I know I'm not the only one thinking that..." She could see the puzzled look on his face and continued. "Do you even know who I am? Or what you did?"

"No, but I can explain that..."

"Oh can you now?!"

"Yes I can. From you guys' outfits and choice of accessories," he remembered the term Sam used to describe what the both of them used to do for a 'living', "I'm guessing you're all hunters."

"No." She replied. "Just real pissed off."

"Why? What... I don't know or remember what I did."

"Yeah right! You don't remember being the reason by two girls are dead. It's your fault, if you hadn't worked it out sooner that Meg was possessed I wouldn't have lost her or my other daughter! How could not remember? Or do you leave so many dead bodies around you, that you've stopped listing them and choose to forget them."

"No it's not that, something happened and I don't remember anything."

She stared at him for a moment then looked at the others. They either shook their head or remain looking too confused to decide if it was the truth or not. She turned back to him. "Well, personally I'm not buying this crap you're selling. You just don't want to look behind you and see the destruction that comes from your existence... you're the reason my daughters are dead! You couldn't save his girlfriend from a were-wolf," she began pointing to the other people in the room, "she lost her entire family in the 8.1 earthquake in Boston which was caused by the apocalypse, that you and your little brother Sam started in the first place. And most recently, he lost his brother when a woman in black robes, who claimed she was looking for God, killed him."

He looked amongst them all and was reminded of the reason why he didn't want to remember.

"I'm sorry. But I don't remember any of these times. Something happened, something unnatural - like what happened to your families and relationships and friends - happened to me. And I don't remember anything. I'm sorry."

The woman who lost her daughters turned to the rest of them again. "I think he's telling the truth."

"No way, it's a little coincidental don't you think? The minute he shows up and we get him, he loses his memory."

"No." The bartender from earlier spoke. "He's different."

"Different how?"

"I met him once. He was pretending to be FBI when he was trying to find out what was killing people and would later kill my boyfriend, but he seemed so different to him now. The guy then was cocky and flirty with the female officers and never once stopped staring at them. But this guy... I practically had to force myself on him earlier."

"Now you believe him too?" One of the other guys asked.

"Think about what happened to our loved ones, it's not implausible that something happened to him."

"Well, memory or no memory. He still needs to be punished." The same guy as before said, stepping forward. Under the light, Dean could see the scar on his face. "Well, you don't remember but you're the reason my wife is dead. A fucking were-wolf of all things, attacks us and you're there to try and stop it. You saved lucky ole me but it was too late to save Vanessa who wasn't dead but turned. And you put her down and called an ambulance for me before you fled the scene, you spineless, murderous son of a bitch." Dean expressionless face broke and let his story in. "That is why, memory or no memory, he has to be punished. And his brother." he turned back to Dean who looked emotionally as he was physically in pain. "Now, how do we find him."

To call Sam distraught was a massive understatement. There was no word in the oxford dictionary to even remotely describe what he was feeling. Cas had searched the town to see if he was here. But with the warding still engraved into his ribs, Cas was unable to track Dean or locate his whereabouts. In the amidst of their worrying, they failed to notice when Gabriel and Amara returned.

"Hey, Cas! Look what we have."

"Gabriel, you have Lucifer's tablet? What does it say?"

"Well, it's already a lot more about God already." Amara began.

"I s'pose he planned his extended vacay in advance, Dad was always so prepared."

"It includes a means of contacting him."

"Can it be done through the prison?" Cas asked.

"It doesn't say... But there was something written on the other tablet, after it spoke of opening the door, it explained about communication. But it required essence of the prisoner."

Gabriel intervened. "We could use memory boy's blood. That's his essence. Where is he?"

Sam and Castiel remained silent. The silence became deafening even for creatures of primordial, rapturous, sanctifiable and angelic divinity, such as themselves.

"Where is Dean?" Amara now questioned.

"We don't know." Cas spoke for the both of them and handed Gabriel the note they had found.

"You lost him?"

"No, he must've left him while we were in Hell. I didn't think he'd be stupid enough to leave." Sam argued.

"He's Dean, whether he remembers it or not, he'll always be a dick and an idiot. You can't change that about him."

"You're right... you're right." Sam would not have been surprised if a light bulb had appeared from his moment of clear realisation. "You're right. And you know what else wouldn't change; his alcoholism."

"So check bars, liquor houses, motels, ladies apartments - I got dibs on the last one." Gabriel smirked.

"How far should we go?" Amara asked.

"Well he probably wouldn't have left Lebanon, and definitely not Kansas. More than likely he would stay near just to make sure he wouldn't get lost."

But before they could set off. Sam's phone began to ring. His heart leapt out of his chest with joy; it was Dean's number.

"Dean? Hey where are you?"

"He's a little tied up right now, so I'll be speaking for him." An unexpected voice said.

"Where is my brother?" Sam's voice darkened, it dripped hatred and disgust, but to Castiel and even Gabriel and Amara, it appeared as just a show to mask the worry and terror he felt for Dean.

"Oh, I'll be more than happy to tell you where we are. But you have to promise that not one of your friends comes along with you. Honestly, it'll be too crowded and I'm not a fan of unnecessary appearances from other hunters - especially innocent ones. Fail to do this Sam, and Dean dies." The man hanged up on Sam. Just as Sam was about to throw and smash the phone against the wall, it vibrated and a text with the location appeared.

"I'm coming with you Sam." Cas stated.

"He said to come alone." Sam replied.

"Actually," Gabriel interrupted, "he said not to bring your friends." He smiled finding the loophole. "And to be honest, I like you but you're more of an ally than a friend still."

"I find you much less appealing than your brother." Amara added.

"And I'm your family. So none of us are your friends or hunters." Cas pointed out.

"I am also not to be dictated by an annoying insect of my brother's creation." Said Amara.

"Okay, if you're sure. Let's go."

* * *

 **Sorry to leave it there but I can't go on. It's half one now and I've been writing for ages. I will try to update more frequently than I have previously but no promises. My nan's seriously ill and I'm really worried. I hope it will all be okay and if it is I hope to update, but like I said no promises.**

 **I pray you liked this as it's overdue. Please review and follow and favourite and blah blah blah. Also check out my youtube channel, some new videos up there as well. Also another reason as to why I have neglected my writing for so long.**

 **Bye xxx**

 **(Always Keep Fighting)**


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